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Want to self harm

(31 Posts)
GracieLoo Sat 09-Mar-13 20:54:13

I'm not expecting responses, just want to clear my head. I can't get thoughts of self harm out of my head. Want to cut, od or damage my already broken arm. In a really self destructive mood, and feeling really low. Don't know if it's just attention seeking (but I'm on my own) or a sign I'm going to have a few bad days again after being in a manic high mood for a few days.

CognitiveOverload Tue 19-Mar-13 21:53:36

It does matter...why do you think it doesn't matter? Hope you've had a better day today x

GracieLoo Mon 18-Mar-13 22:34:57

Ok it doesn't matter now anyway

CognitiveOverload Mon 18-Mar-13 21:33:47

GracieLoo, I'm really not qualified to help you. Is there a support line you can find someone is is. I'm happy to listen but I think you need people around you. Try not to worry aboit the new doctor. You might find someone really supportive. You need need to let them know that support would help you x

GracieLoo Mon 18-Mar-13 21:14:35

I can't cope with anything. Moving house and thought I'd be fine staying at same surgery but was told I can't by a horrible receptionist. I don't want to go somewhere where they won't know me and what I'm going through. I'm not good with change, I'm struggling at the moment, it's too hard. Also I'd have to leave my HV who is the best support I've had the last 4 years. She goes out of her way, and I know dd won't need a HV soon but she would still be around for a bit longer. I panic so much at the thought of not seeing people again, and being left on my own to cope.

CognitiveOverload Sat 16-Mar-13 21:17:46

GracieLoo, sorry to hear you're not feeling good. Might be better not to drink as alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse.

GracieLoo Sat 16-Mar-13 19:30:07

Going out tonight, scared, anxious, doesn't feel right. I want to drink and I'm not good, once I start I keep going til I'm an emotional wreck. Sounds stupid and I should know better, but in a way I cam just escape from my head for a few hours.

GracieLoo Fri 15-Mar-13 15:53:03

I feel really strange today! Feel like I can do anything, nothing feels real

GracieLoo Thu 14-Mar-13 09:34:35

Cpn is ringing today, but don't know what time. Chest feels tight, got headache, been snappy with dd so left her in tears at nursery which I feel awful about. Might just go back to bed as making a mess of everything.

CognitiveOverload Wed 13-Mar-13 22:34:46

It won't always be like this. It's a blip... a horrible one for you to have to go through but it is temporary. What does the cpn suggest to help you through this bit?

GracieLoo Wed 13-Mar-13 20:09:04

Had a long hard day at work. Quickly spoke to cpn first thing but I couldn't speak for crying, and didn't want to be like that before work. She's phoning tomorrow then off for a week which panics me. I'm all over the place, plus knackered from waking up too early. I know I'm not well but tried everything and I'm scared this is what my life is going to be like.

CognitiveOverload Wed 13-Mar-13 19:26:42

GracieLoo, how are things today?

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 21:33:02

I've taken diazepam before, might ask for more for desperate times. On a low dose of venlafaxine, but because of od's when I've been so sick I find it physically and mentally hard actually taking tablets now. Feeling so exhausted now, eyes are sore from crying, but I don't want to go to bed as tomorrow will come quicker and I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

CognitiveOverload Tue 12-Mar-13 21:07:18

Is there any medication that can help you through the bad times?

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 20:33:32

I work part time in quite a stressful job, work long days. I see a cpn fortnightly, saw her today and she gives me techniques to use and I keep a mood diary. But doing anything is so hard when I get in a panicky, crying state. I want to just sit still, or lie in bed and not move til I can stop crying, not always possible with children. I can't stop the negative thoughts.

Athrawes Tue 12-Mar-13 19:56:19

Gracie, we get you. You could be any one of us.

Can you call these people for help...I know that it seems silly, and that we sometimes feel "yeah, but I am just being selfish and attention seeking" but you need to have someone you can call, if not this time, then next. They would rather you called and had a chat than had to pick up the pieces after you OD. You will be regarded as a better mother if you call for help.

Call Carers Direct on 0808 802 0202
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Lines are open 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday (except bank holidays), 11am to 4pm at weekends. Calls are free from UK landlines and mobiles or you can request a free call back.

CognitiveOverload Tue 12-Mar-13 19:49:21

Have you been to the doctor, can they suggest anything to help you?

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 12-Mar-13 19:27:30

What work do you do Gracie? You know, this weather is making me crazy, it really doesn't help does it - my nerves are shot and going for a walk always helps but not in sub artic conditions!!!

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 16:44:34

Thank u. I'm so fed up of feeling like this, I can't carry on like this. It's not fair on dd. Trying to hide it but she's 4, she can see the tears rolling down my face.

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 12-Mar-13 16:41:53

dont have time to post much - will look in later - just to say im thinking of you x

GracieLoo Tue 12-Mar-13 16:39:10

Can't stop crying! Trying to get on with making tea and having a cuddle with dd watching tv but can't stop and I don't really know why I feel so sad.

GracieLoo Sun 10-Mar-13 21:32:05

Thanks, I have been told about the ice cube thing, and an elastic band around the wrist. It's just not the same though, should try it I know. Hate Sunday nights as get so anxious about work, and want to cry whilst thinking of excuses I could use to not go to work. But I always go in and just get really stressed about it. Had a nice mothers day lunch today, but feel so empty inside.

SisyphusDad Sun 10-Mar-13 20:57:30

Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you - thinking of you and wishing you well.

If you do feel like self-harm a psychologist recommended to me holding an ice cube: the sensation may provide enough distraction to get you through a really bad patch.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 10-Mar-13 14:16:47

Hope you feel better today x

CognitiveOverload Sat 09-Mar-13 22:17:18

No need to feel worse about that...thats what they are there for. Can you sleep? Things may seem less intense in the morning. Lots of people care, they just probably dont know how to help. Keep posting, there are people here for you.

GracieLoo Sat 09-Mar-13 22:05:59

That doesn't sound stupid, I do sometimes watch sad stuff to make myself cry. But I don't need to now, I'm just crying in bed and I can't stop. Feel very stupid, my wrist hurt and swelled up so I just quickly went to the walk in centre, was so quiet so was seen straight away. Was told I might need an xray but it's shut right now so come back tomorrow, she wasn't too worried. I'm not either, think I panicked a bit plus wanted someone there. I wouldn't have wasted their time if it had been busy. But I feel daft now, and worse than I did before, plus my arm is now aching, all my fault.

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