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Really struggling because DH is so cheerful

(5 Posts)

I have had quite bad PND since Christmas, and last night was bad. I was in the living room & DH was cleaning the kitchen. He had music on & was singing etc & I just struggled as I was thinking 'how does he get to be so cheerful when I feel so desolate?' Obviously I don't want him to be depressed too & know I sound totally unreasonable but how do I get through this?

Fatherfluffybottom Tue 26-Feb-13 12:32:10

That's so hard. Sorry to hear how bad you're feeling. I used to be there and still am sometimes (i've got a thread here just now too). Is he generally supportive? Could you talk to him about it? I know what you mean, you don't want him to be down too but maybe he could be a little more sensitive to how you're feeling.

I could have written your thread OP - you are soooo not alone in feeling like that. My OH is recovering really well from depression - life and soul of the party now - while I'm now depressed myself and do get that "how Dare you be so happy when I'm feeling so rubbish" thought not infrequently. It took me a while and plucking up courage to say to him "sometimes its really hard to listen to you so happy when I'm feeling really rubbish" and that has helped - just voicing how I was feeling plus I think he is trying to be a little bit more sensitive... Are you able to talk openly with your OH about how bad you're feeling at the moment? Are you getting any other support for your PND? - my sympathies x

betterwhenthesunshines Tue 26-Feb-13 19:35:15

Hi feather - just answered your thread ( and started my own...) seems we're all in this together.

MrsHB - it's not fair is it? I remember sitting in a sunny garden with friends and babies and looking at them thinking why are they all so happy when I would happily not exist ever again...

I don't think anyone who hasn't had depression can truly understand. But I found a useful book The Ghost in the House about PND. I underlined all the bits that felt how I felt and told DH I just wanted him to read it - not to make it better - just to understand. And it really made a difference.

betterwhenthesunshines Tue 26-Feb-13 19:39:31

I also think just being able to say you're feeling bad can be hugely helpful - a big release. It really helped DH to know that if I called him during the day in tears it didn't mean I wanted him to come home and make everything OK, I just needed him to hear me for 5 minutes. We had an agreement that i would call him and ask if could talk ( he has very high pressure job), and I could then rant or sob for 5 minutes if at all possible. If it really wasn't possible ( eg he was in a client meeting) then he would say, can I call you back in half an hour, and even just knowing that was going to happen was a big help.

Just taking the pressure off.

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