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help

(9 Posts)
lostj Sun 24-Feb-13 13:52:24

I don't know if I'm posting on the right page or not, but I think I need help.
My partner of 16yrs left me 2 weeks before christmas without explanation, he is behaving like Jekyll and Hyde talks to me normally when he is away at work yet when he gets bacj to where he is staying he ignores me and sends nasty text messages.
All I want to do is talk to him, I can't stop crying all the time and I've said some stupid things like denying him access to the children and threatening suicide. but I don't know what to do I miss him and want him to come home. Everything came to a head the other night when he ignored me completely walked past my car and ignored me then wouldn't speak to me, I drove off and sent him a text message telling him I'd had enough it was all his fault and the bridge was a nice place at night.
was on the bridge when the police stopped and took me to A&E where I spoke to a cpn then went home.
I don't think I can do this anymore it hurts too much.

NanaNina Sun 24-Feb-13 15:23:07

Oh how awful for you and small wonder you feel lost - is this entirely out of character for him. It almost sounds like he is having some sort of mental health problem or and I hate to say this, he may have another woman. Men who leave suddenly usually have and maybe she is with him when he is not at work and that's the reason he won't talk to you. I don 't know it's just a possibility. Had he been behaving any differently towards you before his sudden departure (and what a time to choose!) Do you have children btw?

Anyway enough about him, you are clearly suffering from reactive depression. Loss is at the root of almost all depressions and you have some of the symptons of crying and thinking of suicide. Had you calmed down by the time you saw the CPN - did they suggest anything. Assume they said to see your GP and that's where you need to start I think. Meds for depression don't deal with the cause of course, but they do help with the symptoms once they have kicked in which can take 2/3 weeks.

Have you anyone in RL in whom you can confide? Are you continually trying to contact him by phone/text etc. If so I think you should stop (I know that's difficult) but at the moment you are going round in circles. You can't change his behaviour but you can change your behaviour towards him, and sometimes this is a good thing because he will wonder what's happening and this could lead to some explanation on his part. Can you afford some therapy - arund £50 an hour dependent on where you live.

Have been through something similar and it's crap - sending empathy x

amillionyears Sun 24-Feb-13 22:07:38

thanks
thanks some more. I think you could do with them.
I dont know about the medical stuff, but NanaNina does.

You sound like you are still in shock.
Would agree about going to the GP, tomorrow if you can.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:15:06

Please go to your GP tomorrow, you need help - your ex is a pig, he doesn't deserve you. You wont realise this now but it is a good thing he is gone, you can now get on with the rest of your life.

NanaNina Sun 24-Feb-13 22:30:05

I think there is a long way to go for Lost before she can "get on with her life" - there may well be more to it, but at the present the OP seems to be completely bewildered about what has happened and the reasons for it, and the way her husband is behaving.

There must be all sorts of issues to sort out, housing, finance, children just for starters. I still wouldn't rule out that the DH has some kind of mental illness himself but think it unlikely. It doesn't sound as though the OP and husband have had a civilised conversation and no explanation has been forthcoming from the husband.

I am worried about Lost as she is in a very vulnerable position and seems to be doing all she can to track him down and talk, but he is busy avoiding her and that is going to make the OP frantic with anxiety, and this has already been shown by her talk of suicide, maybe as a way of bringing her husband to his senses. Sorry Lost have just realised I am talking about you in the third person.........I started off responding to Lucy's post that I thought made it all look so easy and uncomplicated, which is certainly not the case.

Keep posting Lost if it helps - there is a lot of support on here as I'm sure you know. A lot of posters do unfortunately tell women in your position to kick him out and change the locks etc but nothing is that simple is it.

amillionyears Mon 25-Feb-13 01:05:56

I am concerned about you op.
There are people here to talk, even through the night.

None of us have mentioned the Samaritans. Have you thought to give them a ring? Or apparently now they will now respond online as well if that is any easier or better for you?

amillionyears Mon 25-Feb-13 11:46:20

16 years is a long time to be with someone.
And for him to leave right before Christmas must have been terrible as well.

NanaNina Mon 25-Feb-13 14:38:53

lost I'm wondering if you might get more response if you posted in relationships.

amillionyears Mon 25-Feb-13 22:19:22

I think you are a new poster.
You dont know us. But we will do our best to help you.

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