Not sure exactly what to write really, I guess I just want some feedback/support. Had my ds 6 months ago and found it incredibly hard for the first three months, could have happily opened the front door and pushed him into the arms of any passing stranger!!! Just thought I'd made a hideous mistake and wanted my old life back. Sometimes even found myself shouting at my lovely ds !!! (In my own defence had a pretty awful time of the birth and took a long time to recover from that, not to mention that have had several bouts of flu since he was born and didn't get a lot of help at the time. Also dh is disabled and needs a lot more looking after in the winter, right when I could have done with loads of help/support from him!!!! Also, best mate who knows my circs re. not being able to count on support/help from dh had been making all sorts of promises during my pg about all the help and support she would provide, and then once ds arrived she seemed to melt into the background.) Anyway, as I began to get a routine established, I did start to feel a bit better, more able to cope generally. BUT, can only cope when things are okay, as soon as dh has a bad run healthwise, (he also suffers with depression, which I find particularly hard) or my mil (who has turned into an absolute godsend recently) is away, or poorly or busy and can't help I go to pieces. All of this is a very long winded way of saying that i'M thinking of going to my gp for ad's. We did talk about it a couple of times earlier on when I wasn't coping, but as I started to feel better I felt that I didn't need them, also that I would be failing if i succombed to taking them. Just kind of feel like a phoney that I can cope some of the time, and feel fairly happy, but am so tired of falling apart at the slightest hurdle. I just want some stability. I had an eating disorder in my late teens early twenties, and after a suicide attempt did have some counselling and started on a long round of being on and off different ad's. Haven't been on ad's for quite a few years before my pg, still had bouts of depression but was able to ride them out by keeping a detailed journal and almost kind of counselling myself through that. But, I just don't have the time or the head space (iyswim) to do that since ds arrived. When I am struggling, find myself resenting my ds and so desperately don't want to feel like this, love him so much and want to be a good mum. Also, (final bit I promise) my mum suffered with depression all through my childhood, and when she was bad it was awful and my experiences definitely scarred my quite badly, so I am desperate not to do that to ds. So, do I sound like a rambling freak that needs head meds immediately, or just a phoney who needs to pull her socks up and count her bloody blessings?
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Mental health
Freak or phoney? Sorry long...........................
32 replies
dandycandyjellybean · 26/04/2006 10:49
OP posts:
Bethron ·
26/04/2006 13:08
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