Do you think some sort of counselling would be helpful?

[midnightisaplace]

Hi, i haven't posted on this board for quite a while. This is probably going to be quite a long post so sorry.
My back story is that I had a difficlt birth and really bad insomnia and sleep anxiety almost immediately after DS1 was born. I was diagnosed with PND and was put on Mirtazapine when he was about six weeks. This helped with the sleep but made me a bit dazed etc. I also put on quite a lot of weight whilst on the Mirtazapine. I was on the meds for about two years in the end. I found it almost impossible to wean myself off them in the end as I just stopped being able to sleep when I stopped the tablets. I was a teacher and ended up leaving the profession. This was not wholly due to the PND/meds but it definately influenced it.
My DH was great and helped me every step of the way but I do feel a little guilty at having put him through all that. I now have a good job in another career which I am really enjoying.
DS is now 3.5 and I am pretty much back to normal although I have not been able to loose the extra weight. DS has always been a bad sleeper and although he has greatly improved, he normally wakes at 5.30-6.00 and there are still nights when he wakes up for an hour or so. Two bad nights sleep in a row still causes me to panic and think that I will never be able to sleep again.
Even when at my worst I always loved DS and never really had any negative thoughts towards him. Now he is a glorious, happy three year old who gives me hugs every day and who I couldn't live without.
My problem is that I don't want another child but I am not sure if this is just because I am afraid about history repeating itself or because I actually don't want another child. Basically what I don't want is to turn round in ten years time and regret not having another child. DH would love another child but I know he won't preassure me into it if I don't want one.
I wasn't offerred any counselling when I had the PND but am wondering whether it would be helpful now. What do you think? How would I go about getting counselling? Would it be better to pay for it privately rather than ask for an NHS referral?
Thank you for reading this far!

[midnightisaplace]

Thanks unfortunately. Sorry to hear you are in a bad place. I have a feeling that I am unlikely to get anywhere with the NHS in my area. My dad has pretty much been a quivering wreck for the last year and he is still waiting on an appointment.
Do you know if there is a professional association of counsellors? Whilst I am happy to pay I would want to know that I was paying for someone qualified rather than someone who has just set themselves up as a counsellor.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Regardless of whether you do or don't want another child I think that some counseling would be beneficial. You have had a lot to cope with in the past few years. It would probably be good for you to talk to someone about it.

[Meloncita]

Waiting lists for NHS counselling often tend to be long, it is the cheaper option though if you can accept the wait. It's worth asking your GP's advice if you feel comfortable doing this, your local surgery may have a list of private counsellors based locally.

Alternatively, the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy www.bacp.co.uk allow you to search for registered members in your local area. There are different types of therapists/counsellors practising different styles which can be confusing, there will be some information on the website you can read. I have had person-centred counselling in the past and it helped me to work out what was going on in my head. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is the popular therapy of the moment and in a nutshell I think it looks at changing unhelpful thought or behaviour patterns.

I also didn't want another child mainly I think, with retrospect, due to a very traumatic first birth. I eventually reached a headspace where I decided that I was able to have another child but the decision making process was a very anxious one. It is inevitable that a new baby will give you sleep problems so I imagine you will need to get yourself into a position where you feel you can handle this reasonably confidently and some form of counselling may help you make this decision one way or the other.

Good luck with it all.

[midnightisaplace]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I seem to be able to access some free confidential counselling through my work so I might have a look at that.
I also really need to sit down with my DH and have a proper talk about things. Its so hard when I don't even know what I want/ what I fear myself to explain it clearly to him.