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Pros and Cons

(82 Posts)
Ambrosiacreamedrice Fri 18-Jan-13 15:59:18

Does anyone else make pro/con lists with regards to suicide? I have such an urge to end it all but I'm still rational, and I'm constantly making and updating a pro/con list, because I've convinced myself that if I can't get it to balance then I'm justified in dying. I talked about it a bit with my GP and we had an interesting discussion about why suicide was decriminalised, but it felt like I was watching myself chatting to him, rather than actually being engaged with the conversation.

I don't really understand how I can manage to be so detached that I can carry on existing, tidying up loose ends, whilst at the same time planning and planning. The pro side of the list is getting longer everyday and I don't think it will ever balance, so I guess that I have my answer. It's a strangely comforting thought, really.

Ambrosiacreamedrice Sat 19-Jan-13 23:59:48

I don't have a social worker, I'm a fully functioning member of society with a responsible job. My sister would take my animals and I expect my mum would go into a home. This will not cause me any problems because when you are dead you are dead. I'm not unhappy because I have responsibilities, after all others have far more burdensome responsibilities. I'm just not disposed to happiness. It is okay, I've accepted that. I just wondered if others had too, or if they buy into this myth that everyone who would like to die is somehow ill.

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 00:14:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ambrosiacreamedrice Sun 20-Jan-13 00:19:38

I have seen a psychologist and he agreed there is nothing wrong with me, as have the CPN and graduate mental health worker. The first time you start to feel like this you do wonder where it has come from. Later you realise that actually, you've had a terrific idea and it isn't wrong to think that checking out is best. Your friend has children, it would be a sad thing if she were to die.

I'm okay with what may happen after I die because I won't be here. The dead don't do guilt, the living do in spades.

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 00:26:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inneedofchocolate Sun 20-Jan-13 00:36:56

You can talk about this in RL and I think that you need to, desperately.

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 00:37:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amillionyears Sun 20-Jan-13 08:53:30

I agree with what others are writing on here.
You need a break. That actually may be all you need.
You can then come back to your mum and cats.

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