Note: Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk, so this is not necessarily the best place to seek help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal. Mumsnet cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.

Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

(1000 Posts)

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. sad

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 21-Apr-13 19:36:26

Sorry to hear about the gp sad but at least you are able to say goodbye sad

Pets (first cats, then rats, then DCat (siiting at my feet)) have been a great comfort in my life.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 21-Apr-13 21:30:43

I'm sorry about your guinea pig fluffy sad

kizzie Mon 22-Apr-13 15:18:28

Oh sorry fluffy sad

Hope you have an ok week - will be thinking of you.

SnowyMouse Mon 22-Apr-13 15:37:39

Thinking of you, fluffy

Good news: Off my section.

Bad news: Guinea pig is dead and everything has got on top of me and I am very very low. Feel totally hopeless.

Sunnywithshowers Tue 23-Apr-13 22:50:06

Hurray for being off your section, that is tremendous news.

Massive squeezy hugs for your loss and the way you're feeling.xxx flowers

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 23-Apr-13 23:47:24

sad about gp - do you know about the Rainbow Bridge? If not, google it. Maybe gp's death will help release all the stuff that is pent up inside? So glad you are off your section, and sending hugs and brew

SnowyMouse Wed 24-Apr-13 10:55:02

That's excellent you're off your section grin I am so sorry about your guinea pig though sad

Bit of a crazy night/day. Ended up in A&E last night when a cut reopened and I had an huge bleed all over my bedroom. At least now I have been in am ambulance. Didn't get back until 8am, then slept until 1.30 then have seen someone from a specialist team. She was here from 9am-5pm assessing me (only some of that chatting with me)! So we shall see.

I am very very tired which means I can't really think about anything else!

Sunnywithshowers Wed 24-Apr-13 18:20:25

Oh my goodness that sounds awful! I hope you get a good rest tonight. Big hugs x

SnowyMouse Wed 24-Apr-13 18:20:51

Big hugs fluffy, hope they find the right treatment for you

pepperrabbit Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:26

You must be exhausted fluffy, hope you get a good night's sleep.

Pancakeflipper Thu 25-Apr-13 14:29:01

Hello Fluffy - been thinking of you.

Chicken salad sarnie eh? Rock'n'roll eh?

Hope your DH cheers you up later x

Consils Thu 25-Apr-13 14:35:40

Would it help to get hold of of your medical notes to gain insight?

TheSilveryPussycat Thu 25-Apr-13 14:35:56

Am thinking of you too. Hope the assessment is helpful, and that your injury is healing OK.

Consils Thu 25-Apr-13 14:38:01

And lots of handholding from this end.

Had a rough day, slept all morning and then police brought me back because I walked away from staff on leave, very tired.

Have watched Masterchef and had a chicken sandwich. Oh so exciting. Am also in flowery leggings again.

TheSilveryPussycat Thu 25-Apr-13 22:35:19

I watched Masterchef too, and actually I found it very exciting in its own way. Though I felt v sorry for those 2 blokes.

Still not sourced leggings. Though it was that cold that I wore my brown knitted cable ones earlier this week.

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 27-Apr-13 15:55:30

fluffy? how are you?

SnowyMouse Sat 27-Apr-13 15:59:57

Thinking of you Fluffy. Have you heard how the assessment went?

pepperrabbit Sat 27-Apr-13 18:52:41

How are you today fluffy?
It's much colder here and we've had hail and brilliant sunshine as well.

Hi, sorry, I am around, just quiet.

No idea about assessment. Feel a bit frustrated all round.

It is much much cooler here today, long sleeves on again!

Sunnywithshowers Sun 28-Apr-13 01:05:29

It's colder here too - we put the heating on today.

Hugs xxx

Had a very dull week, just pootled around really. I have been home with DH, and been to the local shops alone. Might sleep at home this weekend. They are talking about planning my discharge.

At the moment I just feel very disconnected from everything, I feel very low most of the time but there is no point in telling anyone because I always feel low. I wake up disappointed I am alive. I suppose it is good that I am not doing too much to make that happen. I am very uncertain about the future and it feels very hopeless.

SnowyMouse Wed 01-May-13 18:32:25

Hi fluffy It is important people know you are still feeling low, you don.t have to say why.

How do you feel about discharge?

This thread is not accepting new messages.