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Driving away

(1000 Posts)
Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 00:52:13

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

ClassFree Fri 28-Dec-12 00:53:43

sad
You sound like you are in so much pain.
Are you on your own, or are there other adults around?

Oh my. Sorry you are feeling so low. What's prompted this? Want to share? Have a hug too x

Tortington Fri 28-Dec-12 00:55:10

talk to us

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Fri 28-Dec-12 00:56:22

Sweetheart you are not a failure.

Chubfuddler Fri 28-Dec-12 00:57:05

You have a very young baby. Do you think you could have post natal depression?

Do nothing tonight. Go to bed. In the morning ring your health visitor. She will have heard these kind of thoughts and feelings before. You can get help.

Ring the Samaritans now if it cannot wait till morning. They are always there.

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 00:57:40

My dh is downstairs and we're staying with my parents so it's ok I won't be abandoning my beautiful girls, they will be safe I promise. Please don't think I would leave them alone.

Can you talk to your DH?

ClassFree Fri 28-Dec-12 01:00:41

I don't think you would leave them alone. but I worry that you might wander off on your own, while in a highly emotional state.
Have you been feeling this way for a long time, or is it more recent?

Don't be driving anywhere tonight, love. Could you talk to your DH and/or your parents about how you're feeling? I really think it would help. They won't want you to feel so desperate. Perhaps one of them could take you to the doctors in the morning - it does sound like depression, post-natal or otherwise.

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 01:01:27

I don't why I can't talk to dh but I can't. I don't want him to know how much of a failure I am. My poor girls having me as a mother.

I'm sorry I shouldnt be moaning on here.

Can you talk to your mum then?

(Yes, you should be expressing your feelings on here - there are always people who are willing to listen)

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Fri 28-Dec-12 01:04:57

Pumble again you are not a failure. I know you don't believe me right now but trust me when I say I'm right. You're girls are lucky having you as a mother. I know you don't think/feel that right now but they are...I promise you, they are.

You obviously need to talk so here is as good a place as any.

You are not a failure... What makes you think you are? A 5wk old needs her mummy, please don't drive anywhere x

MakeItALarge Fri 28-Dec-12 01:07:14

Massive hugs Pumble, it will get easier and you will feel better.

No real advice but deep breathes, could you get your dh to hold dd while you go outside and scream and just take five minutes out?

Then docs tomorrow!

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 01:09:08

I don't know what to say.

I'm so tired from putting on my happy and smiley face all the time.

I love my girls so much but know they deserve better.

You need to go and talk to someone... What makes you think your girls will be better without you? I can 100% say they won't be!!

TanteRose Fri 28-Dec-12 01:14:33

sad

you shouldn't have to put on a happy/smiley face all the time

you are allowed to cry and vent at the exhaustion of having given birth 5 short weeks ago, and then taking care of two small children 24/7, AND fitting in Christmas as well

it would make the best of us want to scream into a pillow

please talk to your DH and let yourself cry if you need to

Chubfuddler Fri 28-Dec-12 01:15:07

Your children deserve for you to be happy and well. That's what's best for them. I dont thinkbyou sound happy or well.
Doctor for you, tomorrow.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 28-Dec-12 01:16:58

Your children need you. Not anyone else, you are their mum. Think about how you would feel, knowing that your mother had left you.
My love, you need to speak to someone. Your mum would probably be a good start, definitely the GP.
This is a totally anonymous forum. Here is a very good place to vent.
Please don't leave your babies.

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 01:17:34

One example of me being a failure as a mother is that when I was crying the other day my dd1 who is 20 months came and wiped away my tears. She shouldn't know how to go that at this age.

Another failure-I didn't even make it to hospital as planned to have dd2 and poor girl just fell onto the floor at home.

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 01:18:00

I am grateful for your replies especially as I don't deserve them.

Crying just 5 short weeks after having a baby is NOrMAL!

Not making it to the hospital isn't a failure on you!! Babies don't wait for anyone! you have a healthy DD regardless if where she was born...

Please get the help you need x

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Fri 28-Dec-12 01:23:34

You are not a failure. I know you don't believe me right now but you are not.

Please speak to someone, your DH, your mum and tell them how you feel. That will be the first step for you to get help with how you feel. You are a lovely mum, that much is obvious from your posts, you just need a little help with believing that. Help and support to get you through this difficult time.

Chubfuddler Fri 28-Dec-12 01:25:35

Oh love your 20 month old is just being a sweetheart, toddlers are like that. She wasn't traumatised by seeing you cry.

Sounds like you had a very dramatic delivery off dd2, that's enough to leave anyone wobbly. You're not a failure. You're exhausted and getting things out of proportion.

Try to sleep and in the morning ring the doc or HV.

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