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Borderline Personality Disorder

(420 Posts)
frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 21:43:13

Hi there...

Just thought I'd start a new thread to see if there are any mumsnetters with BPD who'd like to come chat, share how they're feeling, coping techniques, experiences etc.

smile x

frillynat81 Mon 04-Feb-13 09:49:42

maggie...

saw boobs post, yeah. some interesting comments. have you encountered any negativity before?

I don't tend to discuss it in real life unless it's in the context of medical personnel, so not really. If I discuss mental health issues then I tend to talk about things in the context of depression and anxiety.
My writing varies, poetry, short stories but the thing I was referring to last night is my third attempt to write a book!

larahusky Mon 04-Feb-13 22:53:45

Thanks, Illustrated. Sounds like my experience. Got to find a way to accept that I have a point without doing something. Not that I ever stop doing things - just not ones that make money

I have read the Rachel Reiland book.

Is everyone feeling ok? Some of the comments on the thread in chat could be quite upsetting for people in a bad place.

frillynat81 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:03:09

penguin what did you think about the book then?

frillynat81 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:04:17

maggie what's your book about? I really wish I had the patience for things like that!

It's a story based round what I think could have happened if I had've met someone in particular ten years earlier.
I'm only eight thousand words in, there's a long way to go!

frillynat81 Wed 06-Feb-13 18:46:12

still I'm envious. is love to write.

I'm having a bit of a flap atm, doing some daft shit.

Oh, I've been having a weird day, think I'm a bit sleep deprived.

frillynat81 Thu 07-Feb-13 07:00:09

you haven't been sleeping great either maggie? it's awful, I was falling asleep at work on Tuesday. dreading work today.

I'm quite attention seeking just now with opposite sex. I have a bf but have been flirting with other men. I haven't done anything though. but I really don't feel bad about it. should I?

In my warped set of values and morals, flirting with no intent to act upon it isn't a bad thing but I am sure there are others on mn who would disagree.

frillynat81 Thu 07-Feb-13 20:12:01

That's the thing though maggie, who knows what i'd do face to face. The flirting is via text. I hate the feeling that I'm starting to be fucked up again. I just feel so horrible having this!!!

UnicornCentaur Fri 08-Feb-13 01:44:28

I am also a horrible flirt at times, with women as well as men so I think its an attention seeking thing. I know some people would say it goes too far but I think if its not acted on then its ok.

you don't know what you would do face to face so why bother beating yourself up about something that could happen?

frillynat81 Fri 08-Feb-13 12:34:32

unicorn i know i'm probably being silly but it's because i've been well for a long time and now i'm having all the reoccurring behaviours and symptoms that i had before. I will admit that i used to cheat but that was when i was a lot younger, pre-diagnosis days and i just thought my behaviour was stupid and i knew sweet F A about BPD.

I'm probably just sat here thinking too much about things and should really just quit it.

Ok, so in light of the fact that you do know different, how do you feel about it now?
If it's making you feel bad? Then why?
Because you love your partner and just want some extra attention?
Or because you feel that your relationship is coming to an end and you don't feel motivated to stay invested?
And then decide your course of action based on those things.
Sounds so simple! If only...

frillynat81 Fri 08-Feb-13 21:18:33

maggie i have only been with my bf for around 4 months and i've already finished with him once. The guy is so nice and very patient with me. I like him but i keep thinking i'd be better being single. I'm a nightmare in relationships. Then again, i really wouldn't want him to finish with me. The thought of that actually fills me with dread.

And yeah, i think i was liking the attention with the flirty texts!

I think i'm just a bit all over the place at the minute and i see behaviour happening now (although not as extreme) that happened to me when I was beginning my treatment, just before i was diagnosed and it's frightening me. My friend wants me to go out tomorrow night and i've said no because i don't want to drink and i don't want to act in this flirty manner that i am at the minute.

I am actually starting to think i sound a right idiot now confused

UnicornCentaur Sat 09-Feb-13 00:00:10

you aren't being silly at all!

it worries me too when I can see things heading in a direction I dont like because im scared ill lose control. What I meant was that you are probably finding things a bit hard at the moment so why heap a shit-ton of guilt on top for something you haven't really done? I realize its much easier said than done but be gentle.

also relationships can be hard work at the best of times and even more so when you are having a wobble. again cut yourself some slack because you seem to be seeing all the reasons why you are 'bad' and none of the good.

I hope this helps but I'm very new at this so it might be waffle!

unicorn does not sound waffley at all, sounds like very well thought out and caring advice.
frilly it works for me but I have not drunk in well over a year and a half, I feel so much better for it. Occasionally I'd like a glass of wine but I don't feel any real need. I've recently joined a site called meet-up.com and it gives me loads of things to do of an evening that don't involve going out and having a drink.

frillynat81 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:10:11

unicorn i guess i'm just very down on myself at the minute, because i'm clearly having a 'relapse' or whatever you wanna call it, i feel like i've let myself down and everyone else down. That i'm weak if you know what i mean.

yeah maggie i gave up drinking but i starting going out and stuff again but then i stopped again. The friend that wants me to go out doesn't know about the BPD. No-one in my life will try to advise me against going out drinking and stuff because i think they fear the consequences, plus i don't think they fully understand that me drinking isn't drinking socially for fun, it's so much more.

I have been filling my time, i'm still working, seeing friends and i have my son to keep me busy. I read a lot. But i'm so tired and it's like everything is in a haze. Like i'm just plodding on. I know that things are getting bad because i was on the internet seeking out lorazepam to buy last night and found some site where people were 'trading' in all sorts. I can't believe i contemplated that.

Anyway, i've got my referral through for my initial assessment with psychiatrist and staff nurse (the one i used to see before i was discharged so i'm happy). I'm impressed at how quickly it came through! Even though i can't go because it's on a working day.

Anyway, i've went on enough. I'm a bit manic today as you can probably tell by this essay. Hope you are all ok, hugs for all and thank you for listening. x

Keep talking, know that we are listening. You're feeling yourself slipping but you are already taking steps to keep yourself upright which is a huge thing!
To be quite honest, I may not drink (well I don't) but I still indulge in my favourite vice which is sex, but I have rules around it which I mostly stick to, so I maintain a large degree of control but I'm still indulging a behaviour, that ultimately, I might be better off without.

frillynat81 Sun 10-Feb-13 00:43:35

Do you have a partner maggie? I wouldn't sex is a vice of mine but I do have a high sex drive and I'm terrible for making inappropriate sexual comments and innuendos. Takes me a long time to realise what I've done too.

frillynat81 Sun 10-Feb-13 00:47:16

I think my main problems can be excessive spending, binge eating (I've been eating non stop for days now), and at the moment I am craving alcohol and lorazepam.

No, no partner, currently I am ''dating'' three different guys, all of whom know exactly where they stand!

Illustrated Sun 10-Feb-13 14:29:30

Hi Everyone,

Sorry to hear some of you aren't feeling great right now. I'm so fed up of feeling angry all the time, I know its all down to my dp. Hes constantly letting me down but I have no where else to go. My dd is only 6 months old and I know if I started working I'd have a complete breakdown so I'm stuck here being angry and taking shit from my dp. I wish I could live in a shared house with another single parent, I think that would be lovely but cant do that with no money!

I wouldn't ever regret having dd but I hugely regret who her father is sad

frillynat81 Sun 10-Feb-13 19:23:19

Good on you maggie smile but on how on earth do you have time for three?!

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