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Borderline Personality Disorder(420 Posts)
Just thought I'd start a new thread to see if there are any mumsnetters with BPD who'd like to come chat, share how they're feeling, coping techniques, experiences etc.
I went to speak to my ex yesterday. Why the hell did I think that was a good idea? I wanted to know why he'd cheated on me and lied to me... Of course he denied it all, and tried to spin everything round to me being a bad person. And he commented on the new guy I'm seeing, because ex's friend (my old friend... the one he was fucking...) had a thing for him. He told me I was terrible person, that he was disgusted with me for having done this to <friend>, that he had no respect for me, that <new guy> had lied his way into my bed, and that I was an idiot to believe him. And that (of course) he <ex> was the only one telling me the truth, <friend> and <new guy> were both lying to me, why couldn't I see that?
Then there were come comments about having ruined his birthday last year, to which I told him to grow the fuck up. It was his idea we went on holiday, and if you go on holiday with a (then) nearly three year old, you won't be able to just kick back the entire time! Twat.
It was a stupid thing to do. What made it even more stupid was I then told <new guy> about what was said, and he's understandably pissed off about it. He said he's not angry at me, but I shouldn't have told him. Am going to give him some space... I'm so worried he's going to end things before they've even really begun
The worst of it is that I still so desperately miss my ex and the friend. I know I'm better off without them, and that I can't trust them at all, but it still hurts, and I feel so very alone, having lost the two people I was closest to in my life.
I know what you mean. I spent 18 months trying to get answers off my ex-cunt. He didn't cheat but he was abusive. He went through turns of telling me that it hadn't happened and that my friends didn't like him and were pushing to say he'd done those things and telling me I was a terrible person. it took me a while but I eventually realized that he cant explain because he is a useless human being who doesn't know himself why he did it and isnt going to take the time to wonder.
For 18mo I went to see him and texted him and no one could convince me it was a waste of time. I knew myself rationally but I needed to keep asking. Cut yourself some slack, you will get there.
As for new guy, im sure he can cope with the.fact that you have a twatty ex - hasnt everyone?
Cheers, Unicorn, I'm glad it's not just me. I don't know why I need to him to tell me why. Partially because I need it not to be my fault, I suppose, partially because I don't really want to believe I wasted 18 months of my life with such a dick.
There feels like there's this big gaping hole in my life where they both were. And I'm certainly spiraling since all this kicked off. My impulse control is so poor currently.
That said... I'm still forcing it through with therapy, despite it feeling harder than normal. New guy is completely fine with me today, though I have had the concern at the back of my head that maybe I would be better backing away from him whilst I'm like this. Hmm.
And DS got home earlier from my parent's, ran in through the door, threw his arms around me and declared, "I'm so glad to have my mummy back!!!!". Which made the day worthwhile
Awww your DS sounds lovely!
New guy will learn to live with you, everyone has to learn to take the rough with the smooth and when your partner has BPD that is certainly true!
Everyone wastes their time on someone and has a hole afterward too. I will fill in of.its.own accord though with time. I do still think about ex-cunt very occasionally but it doesn't. have any of the emotion attached to it that it used to. I don't wish bad things o him because I don't care enough any more - it is quite nice!
Yeah he is... I'm slightly biased but he's lovely
New guy has handled things very well, to be fair. Have had a few mini meltdowns (mainly five minutes of sobbing... y'know. Those ones...) and he has been okay with them, has kind of started to understand that the high charged emotions pass after a short while. Totally get that it takes a little while to wrap your head around that... Sometimes i struggle with it too.
I get on well with a lot of my exes, even the ones I ended badly with. I have big issues with things being unresolved. Guess this is one of those things that will never be resolved, sadly... I'm glad ex-cunt isn't taking up any more emotional energy for you
How is everything going your end?
it has been shite recently with major depression. MH team were useless as usual so I just had to wait for it to pass. I'm not on any medication atm which I'm finding really hard but they have taken me off it to see what happens aand are planning on discharging me. Given how things are going I think they are being utter twats but there yoy go.
Can you fight them? That seems like a shocking way to treat you
<hugs and tea>
I'm having wine for dinner.
I am trying but I dont see them again until september. they are useless
was it good wine at least?
Sorry I've not been around in a while lots of things have been going on. My dp left us last month, he told me he didn't love and respect me anymore. Now its just me and dd. I'm surprised how I feel like I've not really got any emotion about the whole thing. I think I had one bad day where I cried about it but I think I was just tired. I think I need to be on my own, I usually jump from one relationship to another, this is the first time I've been single for 10 years.
Sorry some of you are having a crappy time of it.
I'd request to see them again soon, Unicorn, that's crap.
Illustrated <hugs> Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you;re better off without him though, and that you're thinking about it logically. x
I'm going off the rails slightly this week. Sigh.
Reviving the thread again
How are we all?
I mainly came on to recommend a book to you all. It's for children, and explains BPD really nicely. It's called "An Umbrella For Alex". It describes the extreme moods as 'stormy' for angry and 'cloudy' for depressed, and really is a very nice book. Have read it to DS a few times since it arrived, and he has asked some questions about Alex's mummy (who has lots of stormy and cloudy moods).
Hope you're all doing okay.
Can I join?
I'm generally ok these days after doing STEPPS and plenty of occupational therapy, but I still and always will have massive anger management problems.
Am currently pregnant as well, and laying about vomiting all day is not doing very much to improve my mood.
Hey Jack I've done STEPPS as well, am now doing Stairways.
Congratulations on the pregnancy! Hope the sickness eases off soon. How far along are you?
12 weeks..... time has never gone so slowly.
How are you finding Stairways? I chose not to do it because quite honestly I'd had enough by the end of STEPPS, and my self destructive behaviours had improved a hundred fold anyway.
Still mad on the inside tHO, but that's much easier to hide. I honestly don't think anything will cure BPD properly.
Also..... as you're doing STEPPS are your HCPs trying to re brand your BPD as Emotional Intensity Disorder (EID)?
Mine have, and I'm much happier with it as I suffer far more with mood swings/reactions to things than I do with the manipulative or 'fear of abandonment' behaviours that are popularly associated with BPD.
Sorry for slow reply, tough few days.
I'm really continuing to get a lot from Stairways. It's a lot more focused on moving forwards and dealing with the future. We've just finished assertiveness training (which was fabulous) and we're now looking at choices, and making positive ones.
Yes to EID. I have huge abandonment fear issues (though better since STEPPS), but prefer EID as feel it actually explains something. Borderline of what? And my personality is not disordered, I have a mental illness!
Good to see that this thread is still up and running. I haven't been around in a while.
Having issues of my own right now. Have been in a relationship now for almost a year and I think I'm happy.
My problem is knowing the do's and don'ts, the rights and wrongs. My bf has been putting up with a lot but I don't know what to do to make it easier.
I want everything on my terms and I don't like him saying no to me when I ask him to do things - feels like massive rejection and abandonment, like my world could come crashing down.
It's a vicious circle because I wonder if it would be easier being single but then I wouldn't want to split up with him (again - I have finished it twice before when I was in a bad place).
How much does your BF know about BPD, frilly? Does he understand about your condition?
I'm horrendously low. Have got the crisis team involved again, and back on meds after nearly a year free of them
I have an appt with my psych on Tues and I think I'm going to discharge myself from the CMHT. Partly because.they have been more PITA than usual recently but mostly because im 2 years down the line with them and absolutely nothing has changed.
I can see that I'm not cured, im possibly even worse than at the beginning but I honestly believe I can do a better job of looking after myself than they can. I'm not taking medication and the counsellor doesnt have time to see me, so seeing them boils down to an appt with a psychiatrist every 4-5months.
Last time I went 3 days after I got pissed, cut my arm open and had to go to A&E. I told her I wanted to die and needed them to change something. Nothing changed and a standard 'presented well kempt with no signs of self harm or self neglect' letter went to the GP
would anyone agree that discharging myself would be the best thing to do?
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