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Borderline Personality Disorder

(420 Posts)
frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 21:43:13

Hi there...

Just thought I'd start a new thread to see if there are any mumsnetters with BPD who'd like to come chat, share how they're feeling, coping techniques, experiences etc.

smile x

violetsrblue Tue 18-Dec-12 21:54:48

What a great thread. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but that's because I have never had a proper diagnosis, I'm going for a diagnosis review in Jan.

I have ordered a book on BPD but what I have read about it seems to fit with my experience - or it could be that I have PTSD - or both maybe.

My worse, lifelong experiences are of not feeling real, of not feeling as if I have a personality at all, and of not being able to 'remember' good connections, as if everything good is about to end, that I'm on the edge of a cliff. That goes as far back as I can remember.

I'm really helped by taking Trazodone and Zopiclone, and am currently finding CBT pretty useful.

frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 22:10:33

Hey violets! How do you feel about the possibility of BPD? I must admit that when my psychiatrist finally diagnosed me and I found a little more about it, I was a little freaked. But the more I learnt the more it made sense. My medication makes a huge difference to me and there is no way that I could be without it. I too had CBT when I was a lot younger and it worked well at the time.

violetsrblue Tue 18-Dec-12 22:50:59

I think I'd feel ok at the diagnosis - it would be a relief I reckon, to have a name for all the weird and bad feelings - it's like there's no 'normal' to go back to after a bout of depression/anxiety.

I wouldn't be without the meds now - though I am a bit flat. But that could be a time of year thing..I like it when everything's predictable and routine, Xmas throws everything out!

I think I am having a med review as well - I don't know if I need a mood stabiliser..it's good though to be thinking about what I want to say at the review.

FromEsme Tue 18-Dec-12 22:55:21

Hiya, just checking in, not much to say for the mo!

frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 23:22:11

I am a major stickler for my routine!!! Friends and family laugh at me but in a way it is a coping strategy, if that makes sense?!

A good thing that you could do for going into your review is writing everything down you want to mention? That's what I used to do when I saw my psychiatrist as my memory and concentration is terrible.

I take mood stabilisers, beta blockers and anti depressants. I have no idea how long I will be on these for, all I know is they are doing the job for now and that suits me just fine!

I'm due a med review too but I have to make an appointment with my GP for this as I was discharged from my psychiatrist and nurse a few months back. I've been putting it off though as I get very nervous when it comes to my medication.

frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 23:23:02

Hi FromEsme, how are you?

violetsrblue Tue 18-Dec-12 23:41:08

Yes I'm definitely going to do that, thanks! I have a tendency to 'forget' all the bad stuff if I'm not in it, like I can't relate to it..last time I felt really bad I wrote 'this is real' on the wall to remind me..this is interesting, going to check in tomorrow..nite all x

frillynat81 Tue 18-Dec-12 23:46:44

Night night x

frillynat81 Thu 20-Dec-12 09:48:12

After ages of feelings good and stable, starting to feel a bit down. Started to get twitches too which indicates anxiety issues may be on their way too sad I find this time of year hard.

I'm another one with a BPD diagnosis. I like the idea of this thread, I'll come back and post properly later. xxx

frillynat81 Thu 20-Dec-12 09:51:23

ok penguin smile x

violetsrblue Thu 20-Dec-12 19:05:24

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down, frillynat, this time of year is sooo hard. Is there a time of day that's more difficult?

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Thu 20-Dec-12 23:44:18

How funny, I was just thinking of starting a BPD thread seeing as several of us have popped up recently.

Been struggling with symptoms for as long as I can remember. Currently doing STEPPS, a program specially designed for BPD, and finding it beneficial, although challenging.

I don't feel real tonight. I feel detached, and out of touch, like I'm not controlling my body. Really wish I could go to sleep and wake up as a different person.

Finding relationship issues to be one of my biggest problems right now. Like if DP doesn't respond to a text quickly, I get paranoid, and angry, and feel deserted. I know its not rational, so then I get more frustrated with myself. GAH.

Recently started self harming again after years being free, I've been on a low for several weeks now.

Could someone wake me up when Christmas is over with, please? wink

Looking forward to having this safe space to support each other. x

FromEsme Fri 21-Dec-12 00:29:21

I am, I guess, more or less recovered in that I can function now. For years, I couldn't hold down a job/relationship/friendship. Now I can manage all of that. But I feel so disconnected - not the horrible feeling of dissociation, that's a different and worse feeling. But I just feel like I'm doing stuff and it has no impact on me at all.

frillynat81 Fri 21-Dec-12 00:36:28

No violet, no specific time of day. Just been thinking about stuff today, like my Aunt passing away and how it is our first Xmas without her in 13 years. Have been easily irritated/enraged today too, which is so unlike me. I'm hoping that all of these don't last long xx

frillynat81 Fri 21-Dec-12 00:46:15

Hi SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot

I haven't heard of STEPPS...how are you finding it? It's good that you have something specifically for BPD.

Have you spoken to anyone lately about how you feel? Especially if you have started self harming again, maybe you should speak to whoever offers you your support (cpn, gp, psychiatrist...)?

BPD is such a bitch. It's amazing how one thing can change a persons life so much.

Big hugs for you. xx

frillynat81 Fri 21-Dec-12 00:50:10

FromEsme - I think the BPD is always lurking, behind the scenes. I've been fine for so long but now I've started to feel low and anxious again. Today I could have easily booted this guys car for pulling out in front of my (new) bf's car. Haven't felt that way in a long time and I was scared. How long have you had your diagnosis? X

Illustrated Fri 21-Dec-12 00:56:04

Hello everyone. I was assessed about 2 years ago and was told I had BPD. I haven't had treatment or seen anyone since the diagnosis as I was pregnant and moving away. Its the only time someones seemed sure about what I have though (in the past its been thought to be O.C.D and bipolar disorder).

It seems about right but I'm quite prepared for someone to label me as something else again at some point.

I don't personally know anyone with BPD so it will be nice to share here. I can completely relate to what some of you have described already. I struggle with memories and trying to work out if things have really happened. I sometimes feel like a robot that hasn't had its emotions programmed correctly. I have no idea how I should be feeling in some situations, I can see how other people react in a nice happy environment and I cant seem to find that feeling myself sometimes.

In general I've been a bit shaky since my baby was born and have been having some hallucinations (does anyone else get them?)

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Fri 21-Dec-12 07:34:20

<sigh> I've woken up slightly disappointed to find the world didn't end whilst I was asleep.

STEPPS is a ''training course'' in that you aim to retrain your brain. By identifying the negative filters that make you think the way you do, and trying to alter them. Its a long course - six months, with a years follow up. Two hours in a group and one hour with a support team member a week. It's really tough going at times, and everyone in the group has cried at least twice. But I would encourage anyone to do it if they can, as it really is - gradually - changing things.

Illustrated know exactly what you mean about struggling to work out what is real. I know certain things have happened to me, and that is why I am how I am. But everything else I wonder about. I wonder if I am real sometimes, and that this isn't just someone's idea of a sick joke. And yes, I have hallucinations. Do be careful if you've just had a baby though. x

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Fri 21-Dec-12 23:37:29

I'm so fucking sick of this fucking illness. I can't fucking stand it.

frillynat81 Sat 22-Dec-12 01:47:37

Hi illustrated

I was initially mis-diagnosed with bipolar. Can see why as some symptoms are similar but the doctor who did it was crap.

Yes I used to suffer from terrible hallucinations. The used to really scare me to the stage where I hated being home alone and at night, I slept with the light on.

frillynat81 Sat 22-Dec-12 01:50:09

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot...

Sounds as though you are having a tough time right now, is it the time of year or has something else triggered it off?

Illustrated, I got sort of visual hallucinations with pnd, but they were more corner of the eye things than anything else.
I have not been diagnosed with BPD, basically my pysch said there could be lots of things that would fit me but which it was, he didn't really want to commit too.
I did some DBT and that really helped me with my mental filters, I've had just over a year of no depression/anxiety for the first time in about two decades.
I think today is just a low, run up to Christmas, tired, out of routine and my 'unhealthy' coping strategy is not currently working as it somewhat relies on other people.
So hi everyone, look forward to hanging out here.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sat 22-Dec-12 10:26:36

Lots of little things, and its all just exploding. I'm really not coping right now.

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