Stopping meds

[GracieLoo]

It's just sort of happened, I was reducing them, then missed a couple as was getting different advice from psych, GP and care co ordinator. I haven't managed to get to GP but was told my prescription would be waiting for me at chemist to carry on at 75 ml.

I went to pick it up and was told it wasn't there. So I phoned GP and the receptionist said I could get an appt til after Xmas, but she'd do a week script for me to collect and made an appt for beg of January. She sounded arsey like usual and hung up abruptly.

So I agreed then afterwards realised this still left me without over Xmas . I'm scared to ring GP back and scared to ring care co ordinator as she'll think I've messed it up and I don't want to keep bothering her. Also I really don't want to be on them anyway so why go to all this hassle, plus a couple of people have commented I've lost weight, and I think it's due to lower dosage.

I don't know if the chemist, surgery and cc will communicate and realise I've not picked it up, or do I admit the truth and know they'll be cross with me. Feel I have no control over anything anymore.

[GracieLoo]

I know no one cares but I can't relax this evening, too much going on in my head. I keep having thoughts of really not wanting to be here, I cry too much, can't cope with most things, wish I could die accidentally so it's easier for others.
I don't want to tell anyone as I haven't taken an od for a couple of months and I don't want them to think I'm going back there. I keep thinking about it though.

[Persuasion]

I didn't want to read and not comment. It depends a bit what meds they are, and what they're for?

I would speak to your care co-ordinator tomorrow, even if you stop they can at least be aware of it and keep a closer eye on you? And I'm sure they could arrange a short prescription to cover the interim.

But if you're starting to think of overdose etc then maybe you have come off them too soon?

[susanann]

Gracieloo You shouldnt be worrying about them telling you off. Its their job to help you. You are not "bothering them". Get in touch with your care co-ordinator tomorrow, as persuasion suggests. You obviously need help. Dont do anything silly will you? How about ringing the samaritians?

[GracieLoo]

It's venlafaxine. I wish I could just take them and accept it, but it feels wrong taking them. I don't want to be fat but more stable on meds, or a messed up, crying failure either.

I keep crying tonight, and thinking I haven't got much opportunity in the next week to take loads of pills and I know I shouldn't anyway. I'm giving up texting this, it's too hard to make sense. I feel dead inside. My cc will be disappointed and I'm scared her reaction will make me feel worse.

[Persuasion]

She definitely won't be disappointed. Especially if you find the strength to tell her what's going on. You can do this, because you came on here to talk about it.

You shouldn't take an overdose, which I think you know from the way you're talking about it. There will be a balance to be found between side effects and being well, and this doesn't mean you can't come off it eventually, but maybe things have just gone too fast this time.

Please find someone to talk to tonight. Samaritans is 08457 90 90 90. Or an out of hours GP or A&E.

[GracieLoo]

I'm just lying in bed thinking why am I like this. I hate crying, and everything is making me cry, especially anything to do with my dd. I have been getting the meds, taking some then storing them in a box. Told cc last week I had meds put away, and she said it's my responsibility to keep safe, throw them away, or if I od I know what the risks are. I think she thinks I won't. She keeps drumming into me how it would affect dd, I know that but at the time I see that dd would grow up with 'normal' people who don't SH, cry, get irritable or don't want to live like this!

[amillionyears]

Pick up your weeks script.
Take them as prescribed at the 75ml
Next week, is next week. I expect you can get a new script at the end of next week to last you over Xmas.

We care about you.

[susanann]

Please get help. You can do this. Your dd needs you, even if you dont think youre "normal". If you od it will affect her badly. One step at a time. Do you have friends or family who can support you? please dont think you are "bothering" them. As a mum I would be devastated if my dd could not come to me for help cos she didnt want to "bother " me. Just think how your parents would feel if you od and didnt tell them that youre in a state. Please get help. You are a worthwhile person. You do not deserve this. keep in touch please x

[GracieLoo]

I picked up the prescription and it was four weeks worth so don't know what the bloody receptionist was on about. Went to dd nativity and burst into tears as soon as I walked in, not because I'm emotional about seeing dd, just because everything feels so pointless.

Now I'm due to go to a family kids party, so irritable, can't be arsed, getting a headache due to holding the tears in. On waiting list for group therapy but don't see how anythings going to help.

[peachypips]

The reason you are feeling so low and bad is because you have stopped ur meds too quickly and you are experiencing the anxiety and depression side of discontinuation syndrome (withdrawal). Venlafaxine has a v short half life and is notorious for this kind of thing, although it is bloody brilliant for depression! Get ye to the docs ASAP and get your meds, enjoy Christmas and think again in the spring when the weather is better. I know it's hard with the weight gain, but it's not going to be forever.
We genuinely care about you even though we don't know you because we have been there- please get ur meds xxxxxx

[peachypips]

Sorry x post! Well done for going to doc- the headache will go when your body gets the meds back up to the right level in about 48 hours ish. Can you keep us updated about how you are over the next few days? X

[susanann]

Glad the prescription was for 4 wks worth Gracie. Xmas is a stressful time of year for most people. Could someone else take dd to the party and give you some me time? Why not ring samaritians, persuasion left you the number. You need to talk I think.

[frillynat81]

Never feel like you can't phone any medical professional involved in your care and treatment because you worry about being told off! I was forever doing that when I was at my lowest and it did me no favours. Please take your meds as directed, remember why you are on them - to make you well. I too am on Venlafaxine and I don't particularly like it but I would rather have gained a few pounds and be well than be back where I used to be. There are always people you can talk to here I'm sure. Also, have a look at the Sane website. They have a helpline too. X

[GracieLoo]

Thanks for replying, I find it helps to have support and advice. Still not feeling great, feel lethargic and distant from the world. I'm worried as I'm doing really stupid things, I broke dishwasher by putting wrong stuff in, tried getting in wrong car, left bag at home etc. It's like my brains not working and I just want to sleep but I can't!

[susanann]

The thing is mental health probs do mess with your head a bit. (brain not working) I get like that sometimes and I find it hard to sleep. But things will get better. Hang on in there Gracie. x

[GracieLoo]

I feel fat and horrible, I am fat! Hate myself, and can feel myself starting to hate others! Not in a good place

[susanann]

please go seek medical help asap. We cant do much on here. Im sure youre a lovely person, youre just ill. I expect youre starting to hate others cos you just feel bad generally. Please phone your gp or care co-ordinator, they are there to help you Gracie. x

[happygolucky0]

Gracie you do need to stop the meds very slowly reducing them bit by bit. Over a long period of time. e.g 10ml every 7 weeks ish. I have to take meds as I have medical condition that causes alot of pain. I know what you mean about the weight. I got off all the meds recently and wasn't as hungry but had alot of pain. It is catch 22 you have to put up with certain side effects i guess. It sounds like you may need something to help you sleep. Try and take meds first things in the morning if they are not helping you with sleep. Cant you get something from the supermarket until you can see the doctor which may help you sleep? It may sound silly but try and get out in the sunlight during the day as much as possible.In the winter we tend to stay in the warm but we need the sunlight!
what is going on in your life to make you feel so down hun? Are you married? You mentioned dd how old is she?

[amillionyears]

happygpluckyO. I dont expect GracieLoo will mind if you read her posts on MN over the last few months.

GracieLoo. People that takes these meds say it will take a couple of days for the meds to work. Then you should feel a bit better.
In a few days time you should know whether the regular 75ml dosage is enough, or whether you will need to go back onto a higher dose.

[happygolucky0]

Thanks amillionyears. I had a brief read. If you don't mind me asking which part of the country are you Gracie? I wouldn't mind helping you out with some babysitting or whatever if you was close to me. Slim chance I guess but you never know.
Its tough work being a single parent. I have been for most of my son's life he is 15 now. It is even tougher when you are not 100%. Do you have many friends around to help you locally?
Have you looked at CBT? It helped me when I was going through I tough time earier this year.

[GracieLoo]

I don't want to sleep as then it's the start of another long, hard week. Working extra, don't feel I can cope with it. I'm on the waiting list for group therapy and have done bits of CBT with different people. I have friends but everyone has their own lives and I hate asking for help. I don't know what future there is for me, i don't want to affect dd long term by being depressed, even though I try hard to hide it from her she must sense things. Think the HV keeps an eye out for her though.

[happygolucky0]

Good morning I totally get some of what you say. I take on extra shifts then get so knackered which I hadn't. It is catch 22 as need the money. I also understand about hiding stuff from kids. I have fibromyalgia, which is I experience alot of pain. I try not to complain about it too much in front of my son as it cant be nice to see your parent in pain every day. He is at a tricky age at mo.
See you can do anything to help your friends out if you feel up to it. Have their kids over for tea or something. I use to find it easier to look after my son when he had other kids to play with when he was young. Then you may feel better about asking them for help when you need a break. They are your friends you shouldn't worry about asking for help from your mates. They can only say yes or no!

[GracieLoo]

Feeling so miserable and I don't know why, this weathers not helping, not looking forward to Xmas, it's all about dd and so it should be, but I feel so insignificant! Lying on my bed crying while dd is watching tv, how guilty do I feel! But her friends coming round with his mum so I need to pull myself together. I want to curl up on my bed forever but I don't have time to!

[amillionyears]

Deal with her friend first.
What could you do nice for yourself, that is Christmassy, later on?