Mumsnet Talk

I really feel like just giving up on people. I try so hard with everyone, work, friends, school mums. Noone seems to really care. I seem to get entangled with the wrong type of people & get my fingers burned.

Am I just trying too hard? Maybe I should sit back & assess people first. I feel so low & empty.

This may not be much help, as I don't even know 'who I am' as a person - But just being yourself is supposed to be good advice... No... I don't suppose that helped at all In what way would you be trying too hard with people?

Thanks bored, that made me laugh! I make a massive effort to be kind, supportive & available to people but just feel quite sidelined by everyone. Then it makes me feel like, why do I bother?

I can be a bit of a 'soft touch, taken for granted type' at times but I do try to sometimes sit back and be kind & nice but don't offer too much, wait to be asked. Not everybody will actually ask for help / advice / support, but maybe only offering to someone that looks like they are getting desperate? Being sidelined isn't nice, especially if it happens a lot. Don't make an effort, like I said.. Be yourself!

Some people dont want to be helped.
Do they ask for your help?

Thanks bored & a million. I dont even really know what I mean! I feel pretty lost at the mo. I think its just friendships in general leave me feeling disillusioned. Im not trying to save the world. Just want to be able to see people for what they are before jumping in head first. I never learn! Ho hum...

Do you think you want to rush in and help , in order to make yourself feel useful or wanted or needed?

Probably...how sad am I?!! The bottom line is I just want to have nice friendships but I struggle to sift out the bad apples!

hmm. Yes, knowing who to trust can be a tricky business.
It isnt everyone, that is for sure.
Perhaps there are some books or sites to google about this.

I am trying to think how I do it. I suppose because I already have a large family, and friends I can trust, it is a lot easier, as we help each other and talk things through.

Do you have any reliable family, or long standing reliable friends?

Thanks million. I do but most of my best friends are no longer local & I miss them desperately. I always had a brilliant, reliable circle of friends but I am not in that lovely bubble anymore. I moved to a new area a few years ago, had my first DS & started a new job.

So I think I've been catapulted into new circumstances & therefore made a lot of new friends/aquantancies. Sadly, many have not turned out to be like my closer friends.

I know I cant be everyones best friend but that is a weakness in me, as I probably try to be!! Doh, I really should know better...

I can see where you are coming from.
I do wonder sometimes, if I had to start somewhere new, and leave my friends behind, how easy it would be to make new friends. Not easy I expect.

How did you make your old friends. Through a shared interest, mothers and toddlers, school friends, work colleagues etc.
I belong to a large group, actually 1 group of like minded people, and 1 large group with a shared interest, and always thought, if I had to restart, I would probably search out those groups again, in a different area. Is that something that might work for you?

Thanks million. It really helps to get a different perspective. I think I may be spreading myself a bit thin on the friends front too. You know, friend of all, friend of noone!

Perhaps I need to concentrate on those I've met who are more like minded & share my interests. I have met some really lovely people but I seem to be focusing on the negative experiences. I have started to be a hermit too, so maybe I need to get myself out there more.

Thanks for taking the time to respond x