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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

some advice

23 replies

kellyuk · 09/04/2006 18:58

hey guys i am a new user on here and i have just joined been digonosed with pst natal depression and not sure what to do my doctor has put me on 20mg fluoxitine and i also suffer from panic attacks but has gotten worse since having my frirst child for months ago any advice will be appreciated thanks

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dejags · 09/04/2006 19:03

Hi Kelly,

I too had PND - diagnosed about three weeks after the birth of my first child.

I found that getting DS into a routine helped - I knew what to expect so I felt less out of control. I also got out and about as much as possible.

I joined a PND support group which I attended weekly, I also made some very good friends in my post-natal group.

Ensure your HV knows how you are feeling and don't be afraid to ask what support is available in your area.

HTH

Olihan · 09/04/2006 19:32

Talk to your HV.
GP's are good for the medication side of things but HV's know a lot more about PND. Mine had loads of advice & strategies, she also came to visit on a regular basis, just to see how I was doing and rang on the weeks she couldn't come. She also gave me a self help course called The Overcoming Depression Workbook which is a cognitive behaviour therapy thing. Basically it helps you to alter the way you think and shows you how to change your behaviours to be more positive. I found it really helpful.
Make sure you get out everyday, being stuck in the house makes things feel a lot worse.
Do you have a partner? If you do, make sure you're honest about how you're feeling everyday. It's not helpful to say 'I'm fine' when you feel awful. Also, don't feel guilty about handing the baby over and leaving the house for a short break or having a bath, lying on the bed reading a book or something. As long as he can cuddle and change a nappy they'll both be fine!
Or, if there's anyone you trust enough to look after your baby for a couple of hours then let them and go out together. It's way too easy to get bogged down in being the only one who can look after the baby in the right way - you need some time out as an individual and/or as a couple.
And if you can bear a night away (obviously depends if you're bf) then an unbroken night, even if you can't sleep well makes a big difference.
Hope some of that helps, sorry to go on!!

kellyuk · 09/04/2006 20:15

thank you olihan my gp is good for my medication i have left messages for my health visitor on her answering machine but she hasnt got in touch yet i have been on my med 4 12days now they seem to be i dont get out much due to being scared it sounds silly i know ok yes i do have a partner of six years and he is brilliant hes excellent wv me and the baby but he works 10hrs a day so i dnt see him much my famuly are not bery close and i lost my mum 3yrs ago she passed away so i really dont have many people to talk to thanks again for your advice :)

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me23 · 10/04/2006 13:01

hi kellyuk,
just wanted to lend my support. I was diagnosed with pnd laast week my dd is 10months have been given ad's taken them for 5 days now, they havent really kicked in. I also lost my mum (in 2004) it's very hard. I dont have many people around to support me or to talk to.
musmnet has been very useful and comforting to me though, have had a lot of nice words and good advice ffrom people on here.
it's hard to get out and meet people when you have a baby and especially when you have pnd so I'm hoping the ad's will work and help me get out there. I hope they work for you too.

amariage · 11/04/2006 02:59

hi kellyuk.I have also suffered with depression in the past and i know how you must be feeling.I found the best way was to get out of the house as much as possible and get into a routine,which i know is not easy with a baby as i have 3 children myself but it really does help.You need to remember you are still a person in your own right and not just a mother and you also need time to yourself to do things you need or more importantly things you WANT to do.There is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish sometimes honestly.On the subject of your family do you have any sisters or sisters in law or even good friends who could have the baby for you or even better still leave the baby with your other half and go out with them for the night.I promise you it will do wonders for your confidence, because you sound as though you have lost some confidence and are feeling quite lonely at the moment.Do you know anyone close to you maybe a member of your family who has kids cos i promise you they have felt similar to how your feeling in the past and would be only to happy to talk to you about it, you might feel awkward at first but i promise you they would rather you speak to them than keep how your feeling to yourself. Most importantly enjoy your baby cos before you know it he or she will be asking for the newest trainers out and you'll be wishing they were a baby again ha ha.Hope some of this helps, just don't be afraid to ask for help, it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mum cos from what i've read on here you sound like a wonderful mum. All the best for now and if you want to talk again just leave me a message and i'll get back to you :)

mumofabby · 11/04/2006 08:08

Hi Kellyuk, I to suffered PND. The only advice my GP gave me was to say I should try and get out a bit more, she was about as helpful as a chocolate teapot because the last thing I wanted to do was go out and be sociable I felt like my life was completely out of control and I didn't know what to do . I eventually got in touch with my HV and when I told her how I felt she knew straight away it was PND. I was put on a mild course of anti-depressants like yourself (the same ones in fact) and I also went to a counselling group for suffers of PND it really helped. At first the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how I felt with a load of strangers, but it really did help . I hope you get hold of you HV soon and when you do may be ask about counselling groups in your area, it really does help to talk to people who feel the same as you and know what you are going through. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

kellyuk · 11/04/2006 12:56

hi mum of abby thank you for your advice it has really helped a bit yes i hace lost confidence in my self i dont go out much i do have a lot of friend who have children but i dont really bother with them much having there all lives and stuff and my sister has her own life with her partner i do have a partner but its hard as he works long hours and by the time he cums gome hes tired and goes to sleep i do feel lonely sometimes but i just have to get on with it my health visitor rang me today and she is coming next tuesday to have a talk to me hope we can keep in touch thanks hun :)

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mumofabby · 11/04/2006 19:57

Hi Kellyuk, I'm glad I could help a bit . I hope you don't think I'm just saying this but I do know how you feel and I think you will find that there are lots of people out there that do. I remember thinking that I was the only person ever to feel like this and what the hell is wrong with me . I know that at my lowest I thought it would never end and that I would always feel that bad but it will get better . My little girl was about 6 months old before I realised that there was something wrong. I was crying all the time , angry and the rest of the time feeling guilty at just about everything I did. Almost everyone, I thought, suffered with what they call the 'baby blues' and I thought what I felt was just that but after speaking to my HV I realised that I wasn't just imagining it and that I wasn't a bad mother after all. I remember my HV saying that motherhood is just one long guilt-trip, and I know exactly what she meant. I am sure you are a brilliant mother and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope all goes well with your HV. Please keep in touch Kellyuk. All the best, MumofAbby

kellyuk · 11/04/2006 21:21

hi amariage

just wanted to say thank you for your advice its been really good talking to people out there that has been through this it is hard being without a mum coz your mum is like a best friend to talk to i do have a sister but when it comes to pnd she just thinks i am just geting attentiom but its hard i think i am a good mum but somtimes i dont think so i feel like my life is not worth it but othe times i got to get on with it but thank you hope to hear from you soon :)

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amariage · 12/04/2006 01:26

hi kellyuk hope your feeling ok today.Great news that your hv is coming to see you next week,hopefully your hv can put you in touch with some other mum's in your area that have experienced the same feelings as you and you'll be able to make some new friends as well. Where in the uk do you live?I live in cardiff, south wales.My ds said something to me tonite which made me realise i'm not as bad a mum as i thought.He came up to me and said mummy your the best mummy that i've ever had and my heart just melted and i realised for all the heartache raising children gives you it gives you back so much more,and i wouldn't be without my 3 for anything, even when it is really hard work especially cos i'm not with their dad.I guarantee you as time goes on it will get much easier,and you'll wonder why you ever doubted yourself.As for your sister she probably isn't sure how to deal with it especially if she doesn't have children of her own cos she won't be able to understand the bond between a child and it's mother nobody can until they have a child of their,so its probably better in someways to talk to someone who already has kids cos they will realise your not faking how your feeling.I bet any friends or other family members who have kids would be more than happy to talk to you about things or even just for you to let off some steam, when things are getting on top of you.How old is your ds or dd? Mine are all starting to grow up now with the eldest being six.I can't quite belive its been six years since he was born how time flies when your having fun!:)Anyway that enough of me babbling on better get to bed and get some sleep otherwise i'll be fit for nothing tomorrow.Hopefully speak to you again soon.:)

kellyuk · 12/04/2006 12:26

hi amariage

im feeling a little anxious today i had a panic attack last night but i got over it just want to get better and bond with my baby again been on my meds for 2weeks 2day hoping they kick in soon going to my grampys house today to get out and mix with my famil my son is four months old and his name is dylan hes so precious to me as i tried so long for a baby and hes here dont know if i can shake it off yes i do live in cardiff south wales what is your name so i dont have to call you by your nickname hope you are ok 2day speak to you soon hun and thanks again x :)

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amariage · 12/04/2006 21:02

hi kellyuk,my name is louise,glad to hear your getting out and about,it will do you the world of good.Don't worry about bonding with your son it will come naturally even if it doesn't feel like that now.He's at that awkward age when he's just starting solids i imagine,hows he taking to it?Its a difficult time i remember cos you feel like you have just got them in a routine and then it feels like your having to start all over again with trying to fit in bottles with their meals so that their satisfied.Has your health visitor been much help with him starting on solids as in advice.Iwas lucky my health visitor was brill,but i know some of them are useless and just expect you to know automatically.As if were all born with a natural mother's instinct i know i certainly wasn't.How about you? Anyway hope your day went well and i'll speak to you tomorrow.:)

kellyuk · 13/04/2006 12:17

hi lousie

its kelly hope you ok today im ok had a really bad night last night was feeling down coz of this medication are now starting to kick in my system my health visistor hasnt mentioned solids yet i gave dylan some baby rice yesterday poor mite didnt know what to do with it at first but he got there bless where are u from then louise hope to speak to you later if your on here take care xx

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amariage · 13/04/2006 23:57

hi kellyuk,hope your feeling ok tonite,have you done anything interesting today? I haven't stopped what with work and trying to find a shop to get easter eggs from,they were all practically sold out finally managed to get some from asda's thank god otherwise my kids would never speak to me again ha ha.I'm originally from rumney but i now live in trowbridge do you know anyone from this area? Have you always lived in cardiff which area are you from? Oh well better get to bed i've got to be in work at 9.30 tomorrow worst luck.I'll hopefully speak to you tomorrow if your on here nite nite:)

kellyuk · 15/04/2006 17:14

hi louise hope you are ok been to a kids party today a little headache he he i am from cardiff i used to live in fairwater but since my mum died i moved to ely been here for 3 and a half years have had 3 good days now but still feel anxious but i get ova it oh well better go and give my son his dinner speak to you soon xx :)

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jofeb04 · 15/04/2006 17:20

Hiya KellyUK
Just to let you know i only live about 35minutes north of cardiff and I drive as well. Im origionally from Cardiff, so often down there with one thing and another.
If you want, CAT me.
Jo

amariage · 17/04/2006 23:14

hi kellyuk, sorry i haven't been on for a couple of days but i've been really busy with the kids and stuff.How has your bank holiday weekend been? Have you done anything interesting?,i know i haven't ha ha.Your seeing your hv this week aren't you? Let me know how it goes and i'll speak to you soon:)louise.

kellyuk · 18/04/2006 14:50

hi lousie

didnt do anything intersting bank holiday took my son to porthcawl was chilly but ok my sister went on holiday sunday to the dominican republic wont see her till the 2nd of may balled my eyes out last night and the nite b4 that very emotional at the mo :( he he with the hormones miss her like mad health visitor came she was really nice about got to go to a baby and toddler group and gave me leaflets to ring up people hows you speak to u soon bye take care :)xx

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amariage · 18/04/2006 22:37

hi kellyuk,sorry to hear your missing your sister but she'll be back before you know it.Lucky thing she is going to the dominican.Are you going on hols this year?Glad to hear your hv was helpful hopefully you'll meet mums in your area in the same situation as you. Any plans for the rest of the week? I'm back in work tomorrow worst luck!Anyway have a good day and i'll speak to you soon.:)

kellyuk · 20/04/2006 12:55

hi louise

yes she will br bk before o know it then she will get on my nerves again he he hope your day back in work goes ok are you still taking medication for your pnd or has it gone do0nt plan to go on holiday this year :( coz the babys only 4 months to little yet hopefully next year wiv mi sis got to go shopping tomorow then to town on wkend pretty boring wk had a bad anxiety day yesterday hopefully these tablets will kick in soon speak to u soon bye for now x

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amariage · 26/04/2006 02:00

hi kellyuk, haven't been on for a couple of days been really busy.In answer to your question no i'm not on anti-depressants anymore had to stop them when i caught for ds.How have you been feeling any better? Not long till your sis is back is it bet she'll have a lovely tan.Anyway let me know how you've been doing,got to go now need some sleep.Speak to you soon:)

kellyuk · 26/04/2006 14:40

hi louise

yes not to long now shes back tuesday actually she wont be to happy coz its been raining and windy ova there he he thats ok about not being here hows work been ok i hope went to doctors yesterday coz i was feeling low and anxios had a panic attack two nights in a row so she said she cant up my dose on the meds coz its to early so got to go bk now in two wks ok today so far so good speak to u soon x :)

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kellyuk · 26/04/2006 14:44

hey everyone does any one know if u can take nytol with fluoxitine as i have trouble sleeping been told its ok how long do antidepressiants take to work

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