I can feel myself slipping a bit...

[Feelingdetached]

I've had reactive depression in the past, I seem to be sensitive to changes in situations or events and PND. I have opted to use talking and self help therapies.

In the past 6 weeks:

I have been very busy with half term and Halloween - we always do a lot.
Studying OU module, with mini deadlines.
Neglected my diet, been indulgent with the chocs, cakes and wine.
Planned Christmas, got most of presents, done cards and a cake
Attended grandfathers funeral 200 miles away ( felt like a big trip)

I have had an upset tummy (ok might deserve it all the rubbish I've been eating)
My back is quite sore and I'm not sleeping v well, I wake up it's burning sore.
I don't feel on top of things, like uni work will be done by skin of teeth.
I cancelled a visit to a friend this weekend gone.
I dragged my feet putting tree up yesterday.

I feel all the joy and energy I had with planning for Christmas, doing my uni work (not particularly hard) has gone, I feel glum.

So I have a ds(7) and dd(10mnths) that has just started crawling. Dd sleeps through 7 to 7 not much during day and can be clingy.

I have declared no more booze (thanks to another thread) until Xmas.
I'm going back to weight watchers, hopefully my tummy will improve.
I have a walk planned for tomorrow - outdoors fresh air etc.
I have to be up and dressed for school run re children so no 'wallowing'
I'm going out shopping in a bit to get out today.

I have a strange sense of almost like a slight dread towards all the forthcoming plans. I feel sort of not all here. I looked up detached and it said you can feel this way following a bereavement. My grandfather was a big part of my life growing up but has not been for a number of years re distance and I'll health (he was in a home with dementia).

I have a nice life, good standard of living etc.

I'm not sure why I'm posting or what I want to ask. Is there anything I'm missing, perspective maybe, process?

[beachyhead]

I know how you feel. What has worked for you in the past? You mention talking and self help. Do you have specific friends who could listen and help you get out of this rut?

[Feelingdetached]

Thanks beachy

I think I'll do my self help things, I've already made some decisions re diet and getting out. I know these will stop me feeling guilty re not looking after myself.

I don't feel at the point where I'm seriously worried, this is where I get quite extreme across a range of emotions normally cryiny and shouting.

I talk to my DH and DM. They understand me. I don't want to talk to DM she is due to come and stay for a week from this weekend. I want to just kick start myself before then!

Think I will feel better when uni work is done and I've tidied the house (Monday is house day)

Sometimes my b12 gets low I don't absorb it, I might try taking spatone (liquid iron supplemt) check my energy levels. Is it worth going to doctors re back?

[beachyhead]

I often wake up in the night hot when I'm feeling a bit dehydrated, so lots of liquids would help, and maybe some stretches. I'd try that before going to the doctors. I also use an osteopath which is quite therapeutic.

I know what you mean about kick starting. I feel I am desperately trying to get everything done, but getting no where fast!

Fresh air and a very early night sometimes allows me to plan and get things done the next day... Also a good cry never did anyone any harm!

I would love to learn to meditate but I'm not sure where to begin. I think it could help centre me a bit, when I get detached.

Glad you've got your mum coming to stay. Was it her dad? She would probably be happy to help you unload your thoughts.

[Feelingdetached]

Thanks beachy, I'm going to try just that, part of what I call back to basics.

Fresh air.
Early night
Diet no sugar highs or lows and alcohol.

I think this uni work is bothering me too much.

Think I'll get out now it's quite sunny here, even if it is a drive to shops. I'm going to do myself a list too.

Shops
Feed DD
Come home - tidy and clean
Cook tea
Pick DS up
Usual bedtime routine
Sort though uni work

[beachyhead]

I love lists

Have a lovely day. I might go for a walk at lunchtime, wear headphones and sing a bit!

[Feelingdetached]

Thanks for advice and handholding. Enjoy walk.

Yes music a good idea, right I'm logging off for now.

[BegoniaBigtoes]

Beachy, I can relate to your op, I know that feeling of "slipping" and becoming detached. I've had mild pnd / anxiety that sometimes seems better but sometimes just mires me down again. Exercise and fresh air always help. Also I thnk you obviously know yourself, and know how to keep track of how you're feeling which is great. Remind yourself you can do things to help and it will improve.

Christmas is too much, it's overwhelming, never mind on top of a bereavement, deadlines and other stresses. This is your reaction to all the stuff you have to deal with and it's understandable. Look after yourself and find little things to enjoy where you can.

[beachyhead]

Thanks, it's feeling who was the op, but I was feeling a bit 'slippy' too, so I joined in!

But thanks anyway.

[BegoniaBigtoes]

Oh doh! Sorry to you both for the mix-uy, but I can relate to both.

[Feelingdetached]

Thanks begonia for sharing.

I did my list yesterday and felt lots better. DH came home earlier and helped. I had a little weep but I'm ok.

I got up much better this morning, straight out the door and went for my walk. Saw some other mums and had a coffee. I feel sooooo much better for doing this. I'm going to do school run soon then do some tidying upstairs, tea etc.

Hope you are both ok

[Feelingdetached]

Since posting yesterday I ended up in the middle of an unpleasant incident. It knocked me sideways. I think I had a mi,d panic attack, my kids saw me in tears and others.

I feel lik dive shrunk about a foot and feel really soft for letting it get to me. I was actually nervous to do school run this am. I feel calm now but not much sleep lastnight and the constant mithering is doing my head in. I hate being like this why do such things bother me. Most of all I feel stupid as I indirectly contributed to the incident.

House a tip, no food, no laundry done. Feel right back in a hole.

[Feelingdetached]

So I've done little be online all day. Been to shopsmostmschool run.

Classic procrastination of housework.

I feel like a shit person, stupid. My self esteem inside hidden is so low it's unreal. I've tried to read about social anxiety today jot try and understand why I get so bloody paranoid about the school run.

I just want to be where I was one month ago. Getting on with daily life with out this detached heightened self awareness just getting on and not thinking about every bloody little thing.

Fed up fed up fed up.

Anyone else in limbo land?