Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Driven to the edge

(8 Posts)
amillionyears Wed 05-Dec-12 19:15:07

Does he work? I thought he worked long hours, but haveing reread your posts, maybe he doesnt work?
Do you think he is at all addicted to gaming?
And is he gambling?

I realise these questions are all about him. I am trying to fugure out whether he is in any way pulling his weight financially, and practically.

amlesiac Tue 04-Dec-12 23:02:45

When I am working he says he doesn't play games but every evening without fail I find myself watching x box games for at least three hours and he continues when I go to bed. When I watch tv he is on his laptop constabtly and plays an online game. He says it's his only way of escaping and says it is like my soaps but I don't obsess over them and watch them a few times throughout the week. Sometimes I want to get rid of the x box and other times I feel so ground down I can't be bothered to say how I feel. It's like being in a relationship with a game console and laptop.

amillionyears Tue 04-Dec-12 09:51:31

Glad you had a mini break.
He is not helping you physically. Do you know why this is? Is he checked in mentally with you and your DD?
Is he playing games to help himself cope, or is he playing games to help him switch off after a busy day?

amlesiac Tue 04-Dec-12 08:54:34

Thanks for the replies. I made a big journey the weekend to see my family and came back the next day. It was a rare trip but i needed it. II was completely exhausted and I was up most the night Sunday so on reflection it did make things worse on my head. Even he admitted he had no sleep the night I was away. I asked for help in the night last night but all he did was ignore me and my little one and say "I can't do it". He stays up until 2 playing games every night and when I get in from work I cooked and washed up whilst he played his game. I am so sick of this sad He apologised yesterday morning but I said things are still not ok and after not helping last night it makes me feel like he doesn't mean anything he says. It seems he has an excuse for everything and he is not taking responsibility at all. Any tips please?

icclebabyjesusheave Mon 03-Dec-12 21:16:36

I don't think its the job that's your problem. I think its an unsupportive partner.

Broken sleep can and does make any MH problem even worse. If you are doing all of the getting up and care now you are working part time then thats not fair. If your DP thinks it's sexist for you to be a SAHM, then he should pull his finger out and realise its sexist for him to leave you doing all of the child care. Calling you names and acting like an arse isn't going to help. Getting his backside out of bed in the night to see to your DD will.

You need to talk to him about this. Lay it out that you will carry on working, but things need to change at home. You sound like a lovely mum who is putting the needs of your DD above your own, but you need support too. I strongly suspect that if started to share the responsibility for your DD and you got a break, that your depression would improve significantly.

Have you thought about taking a break one weekend? Leave DD with him and go and see your family. That should give him an idea of what you are dealing with every day and also give you a well deserved break. Is that something you could do?

amillionyears Mon 03-Dec-12 13:03:07

He is supposed to help you as you are in a partnership.
And this is about you not him.
Has he got the time and energy to help you?

4aminsomniac Mon 03-Dec-12 09:56:03

So sorry you are feeling like this, I've been depressed so I know how terrible it can feel.

A couple of random thoughts;

one month into a job is maybe to soon to decide about it, I worked while my DC were young and know it can be hard, although you have probably realised that being at home is also hard, but in a different way! I would persist a bit, try and focus on the positives like good example to your DD, money, self esteem etc. After 3 months talk to work if you are still struggling; could you do less hours, a different work pattern, anything that might make things easier... ?

Your DP sounds at best unsupportive, at worst... well... rather horrible! You know that he shouldn't be talking to you like that don't you? I would have zero tolerance to that sort of language, but how you approach him on that is your call. He presumably likes the money you bring in by working, so he should be doing some of the childcare etc.

Hang in there, get medical help when you need it, recognise that life with young children is hard and make sure there is time each week just for you. You sound like a lovely Mum, you will get through this for your DD!

amlesiac Mon 03-Dec-12 05:14:26

I currently live in an isolated part of the country and I live at least 3.5hours from family and friends. I moved here because my partner comes from the area and I has more luck finding a job when I was pregnant. I am writing on here because I feel like I have no one. Our baby Is a year old now and thriving and I love her with all my heart. I managed to get a part time job last month but a month later I feel like the high pressure job is far too much for me and I don't know what to do. I spoke to my partner about it and he thinks I am being sexist wanting to be a full time mum again. I have been depressed for a long time and recuevibg treatment for four months. I can feel my mental health slipping away again and I want to stay on the right track for my little one. I do all the feeds and night feeds and work three days a week and it's exhausting enough as it is. When I asked him to pick our little one up he called me a "c***" and said "I hate this s***" and stormed off and is now asleep on the sofa. I literally cannot it much longer. He says I make him feel bad but he is not making things easier for me and just making me feel worse.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now