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Please hold my hand. Bipolar disorder...

(31 Posts)
ConcernedFromTunbridgeWells Fri 30-Nov-12 22:14:50

Long term MNer but have NCd.

I've been signed off work for a while with depression and anxiety. I went back to the doctors yesterday as I am getting worse. DH came with me as support and to help me as I find it very difficult to communicate verbally atm.

The doctor think I am bipolar. I am also having intrusive thoughts, usually violent ones.

He said that he saw a big decline in me since he last saw me three weeks ago.

He has referred me for an urgent psychiatric assessment.

I'm a bit freaked out. Have I just crossed the border into insanity? Am I crazy? sad

Will my kids be taken away? I'm so scared of that. I would never, ever hurt them and I am no risk to anyone I just feel on a massive emotional rollercoaster.

The doctor said that he could see me 'rapid cycling' even during the appointment. I feel embarrased and like I shouldn't have let it get this far. This is my fault. if I was stronger minded in the beginning of the depression it wouldn't have escalated into this.

I'm worried friends will like me less, DH might find me less attractive. Maybe my parents will think that thye have failed me somehow and thats why I'm this.

Please hold me hand. Does anyone have any experience of any of this? I know other people go through much much much worse but I'm feeling pretty low about it all.

loverofwine Tue 04-Dec-12 21:43:27

Just to say I am bipolar and it's ok. Being a 'loony' has its up side (quite literally in the mania)..

But seriously, I have been diagnosed for more than 20yrs and remember how unhappy and uncomfortable I felt in the first few years. Now, with a few breakdowns and four kids behind me I am proud to be bp as living through the downs and ups have made me who I am. There is lots of help and support out there (mdf.org is particularly good) and medication is pretty good these days though it can take a while to get it right.

Good luck and remember that your life will never be dull!

Hoophopes Tue 04-Dec-12 22:28:09

Hi - although scary, your Gp has acted really quickly and got you referred so you don't have to wait months and months not knowing what is going on , not being able to access help. An assessment by a psychiatrist can help identify what you are struggling with, to confirm what the gp may or may not think and to help with medication. If you need and get medication you may find that things really help and that although you may be offered a cpn this doesnt' mean you have to be under a mental health team for ever, or for long term - they are there to offer support when you need it and hopefully along with the psychiatrist and gp can help support you such that you no longer need there support. As my cpn told me, their aim is to get people well enough to not need the support of a cpn!

luckywinner Wed 05-Dec-12 14:14:31

Going through the same thing here. Have to dash as 10 month old just woke up. I swear she can hear me clicking away on laptop.

Guilt towards my children is eating me up at the mo, but my psychiatrist said some really helpful things, which I can't post just now due to baby awake. But your gp sounds great, and you won't fall through the gaps and suffer anymore.

You have been diagnosed with a new illness that can't be 'cured' and that is a big thing for anyone to get their head around, mental or otherwise. Please pm me if you want to chat.

Pyrrah Sun 09-Dec-12 23:06:21

It's a horrible shock at the beginning and I spent many years trying to prove that I wasn't bipolar.

Nowadays I'm very open with people about my manic depression. It helps that I am now very stable on Lamotrigine (wonderful stuff).

Being bipolar doesn't mean your children are taken away. I had fabulous support when I was pregnant. I lost it badly after the birth but I was in hospital anyway for a week and the psych team came down every few hours and eventually moved another bed into my room on postnatal and told DH that he was moving in too! I had wonderful support for the first year with weekly visits that picked up my developing PND in the very early stages.

I have friends who are in and out of hospital with very severe episodes and while it isn't easy for them or their partners, social services are really supportive.

Being bipolar is like being diabetic - do you think that diabetics are weak or that their children are ashamed?

I know so many people with bipolar disorder in very high powered positions - senior consultants in the NHS, high-court judges, more politicians than I can be bothered to try and name, big city lawyers etc. I've managed to have a pretty decent life with it too and jobs that no-one would think a crazy person could hold down.

It's not the end of the world by any means. It can take a while to find the right meds though - don't be fobbed off. I had a miserable time on things like tegretol.

Pyrrah Sun 09-Dec-12 23:11:28

Oh, one of my worst things was having to tell my now-DH. When I eventually plucked up enough courage, he just looked at me and said 'of course you are, it was obvious when I first met you'. (I was quite seriously hypomanic when I met him, but didn't think it was THAT obvious).

Anyway, he still married me, still wanted children with me, still adores me. It is only one facet of you and has both good and bad points (trying to buy a house in a week = bad; having a spur of the moment decision to paint the spare-room and make new curtains in 24 hours = potentially good).

neveronamonday Sun 06-Jan-13 23:14:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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