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Feel like ending it today

(24 Posts)
MordecaiAndTheRigbys Sat 24-Nov-12 20:54:05

Feel so down, dragged down. Money problems, stress illness, family. Its all too much. Spend so much time here just watching, waiting for the shit storm to pass and it isnt. Feel like I spend my time here complaining, listing my problems. Tried to call samaratins, cant word what I want to say. All sounds so selfish and absorbed. How do I cope. My problems keep recurring no mater what I do.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. Have you seen your GP about this before, or is it something you could do?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 24-Nov-12 21:04:07

Moredecai - I'm really sorry you feel like this. As I said to you on a thread yesterday (the 'begging threads' thread), I haven't noticed any of your posts before, not in a nasty way - yours just isn't a name I associate with a lot of moaning and whinging. You must be a lightweight whinger wink.

This is a hard time of year for so many people and this year seems worse than others. Most people are struggling with money (or should I say, struggling without money!!).

Stress levels seem right up there and everyone's family seem to be more bloody frustrating than ever, probably due to the above I suppose.

Why not try writing it down on here - one thread, get it all down. We can try help or just be a listening ear - you can take the advice or ignore it, but it will give a much more 'whole picture' than several unrelated threads. Use it as a journal...

Don't worry about sounding selfish and absorbed - this is your thread, if anyone thinks those things they can --fuck off- not post and if they do can be ignored.

Talk to us - we're listening
x

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Sat 24-Nov-12 21:36:28

Its all too much, too much. I cant breathe for crying.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 24-Nov-12 21:57:12

Oh my love - really, you aren't alone. Lots of people are really struggling now. Nothing like a damn good cry to get your stress levels down x

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 24-Nov-12 21:57:43

Come on, come and tell us what's up x

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Sat 24-Nov-12 22:20:38

Its everything. i cant see woods for trees. I nearly got evicted, got help, now need more and cant getit, car was robbed and christmas presents inside. Insurance wont pay out till investigation done. I have RA, my son may now have it too. Im so cold. I am freezing in my house, my clothes are damp. If I dont have rent by Monday Im out by Christmas, no second chances. I am a terrible mother. Who lets their son live like this? If I wasnt here he would have a chance, have security.

I cant even rely on family. Dad is dying, and no one can do any thing about it. DP made redundant. His family dont talk to us. They dont care. No one cares. It all seems so self involved, so many people have it worse off than me. Why should people care?

Do you know I cried to my neighbour the other day, she causght me at a bad time. She went door to door to my neighbours asking them for a tenner for me to help us out. I am so embarrased, everyone is looking at me. Some think I sent her out to do it. I didnt. I cant even go outside any more.

pinkyp Sat 24-Nov-12 22:26:48

Please don't end things, please phone Samaritans and tell them what you've said here. There will be some help its just finding it, are you receiving all the benefits your entitled too?
Your family need each other please dont do anything silly, I don't normally post on here but I was drawn to your name

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 24-Nov-12 22:33:33

Oh my love, that is an awful lot to deal with sad It's no wonder you can't see the woods for the trees.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad sad

You aren't a terrible Mum, bad things happen to good people. Your son has you, that is the main thing. That is the most important thing of all. There is no way he'd be better off without you. If you need any proof of that read the threads by MNers whose parents committed suicide or just pissed off. They are (in the main) broken people, it fucked their entire lives up. Others had it tough as kids (no money, rubbish housing, moving a lot etc, not much food) but had their parents - they are far more balanced. He would not have more security - he would grow up wondering why he wasn't good enough for his mum to stick around. He would wonder what he did wrong. You don't want that for him do you?!

Have you been to the CAB to see if they can help you with benefits/to pay the rent? Benefits for heating etc - there must be something out there to help you?!

DS is the only one who needs Christmas presents and they don't need to be expensive - just a few bits wrapped up.

Is you DP applying for every single job available? Now is not the time to be picky! If he is - good on him! If he isn't - kick him up the arse.

Can you find some work??

Don't worry about the neighbours - most will just be worrying about you, a few might be judging, the judgy ones are few & far between and can just piss off - they aren't important.

I don't know what helps you, but I find making lists helps me - a LOT. It gives you a feeling of control and also helps you to stop turning it around in your mind so much. Make a plan, decide what you can do to help yourself and start tomorrow, there's never 'nothing' that can be done to help.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 24-Nov-12 23:42:45

I hope you are managing to sleep. I have a very early start tomorrow so I'm going to have to go to bed now. Talk to you tomorrow x

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Sun 25-Nov-12 22:53:39

I didnt sleep, but I made lists so thank you for your lovely advice. It just feels like so much crap, that I cant sort it all together but individualising them really helps.

I think if I can just sort out the housing, it would be the thing that would set us on the right track. So I will work on that. I have lots of long term solutions but nothing short term. I really dont know what to do about tomorrow.

AsparagusFern Sun 25-Nov-12 23:32:29

Hi Mordecai

I just read your thread and am checking you're okay. Glad to hear you sound a bit better today. I wish I had some good advice to offer - have you tried the Citizens Advice Bureau and your local housing offices - even Shelter?

Am sorry you feel embarrassed in front of your neighbours. I'm sure your neighbour was just trying to help and she didn't think through the consequences. It's lovely really she was so concerned. Try not to care what the neighbours think though - your priority is your family and who cares what they think! (Easier said than done though, I know!)

Anyway - sorry again I don't have better advice for your situation, but I hope you know you are not alone.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Mon 26-Nov-12 01:04:32

Thanks asparagus, I feel awful today but not as bad as yesterday which is an improvement. A lot is worry I think, I'm working myself up with anxiety about calling the land Lord tomorrow and I can't sleep or calm down. I was never an anxious person before

AsparagusFern Mon 26-Nov-12 09:37:18

Morning Mordecai. I think anyone would feel anxious in your position. Don't beat yourself up for feeling worried/anxious. That's perfectly normal! Having a roof over your head is so important and no wonder you feel this way. I am so sorry about your dad and the car/Xmas presses is a real kick when you're down.

Please try and talk to someone about the housing issues - whether that's the council, a voluntary agency or whatever. There is always help and advice to be had when things look hopeless.

Sorry you're having such a tough time. Whereabouts are you? If you're near Brighton I can offer tea & sympathy but not much in the way of advice I'm afraid. How old is your son?

babbas Mon 26-Nov-12 10:57:18

Morning, just checking in to see how you are. I find that lusting everything that needs sorting then putting the most urgent to the top of the pile helps. First thing should be the housing. Don't put it off, speak to your landlord / cab/ housing association ASAP. I know it's hard but find the strength to push push push and sort this. It will help you sort the other things. I am so sorry about your dad and your own RA. There should be a food bank place near you. If so go and see if they can help. Sorry if I sound bossy. I was so upset for you reading your post and am here rooting for you now. How are you feeling today?

How old is your son OP? There is a thread at the mo with people offering things to send others, you might be able to find a few pressies from that lot?
Only just seen this thread but from reading it, you sound like you may be feeling a bit brighter already.
Things can all gang up on you at once, and I am sure once your house is sorted your anxiety levels will decrease enough for you to take a deep breath and look at your list again.
Sending you ((((((hug))))))

Frontpaw Mon 26-Nov-12 11:09:39

Confronting the problems is the first step. Seeing it in black and white - all the 'real' poroblems and the not so real (worry if X, Y or Z happens etc) - helps a lot. Then you can prioritize and delegate where needed. How old's your little one - is he at nursery/school?

See who can help, and who you need to tell - bank, landlord etc. If you cant pay the rent - speak to the local council, CAB, even the landlord. Work out how much you can pay and over how long. You may need to move in the meduum term but at least try to get things on an even keel right now. A landlord wont want to kick you out and should try to see if there is any way you can maybe lower the rent? I dont know my way around SS or housing, so please check out what the other wise people on here are saying.

Can you sell anything? Any regulars you can cut back on (sky, gym memberships, etc?). Foodbanks. Church - are you a member, can they offer helpo or support?

Are you managing to eat?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 26-Nov-12 11:17:02

Hi, sorry I missed your post last night. (I am trying to turn the laptop off at a decent hour or I just keep myself awake all night and I am shattered.)

Have you rung your landlord yet?

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Mon 26-Nov-12 13:23:44

Thanks everyone, I am in South of Ireland so * MrsHelsBels74* thank you for your lovely offer but it would be a bit of a struggle to get to you! Likewise asking people to post things. We dont have foodbanks here. St Vincent De Paul drop hampers on Christmas week.

I dont want to link to my other threads but we barely managed to stay here last month. SVDP helped us out, eventually and we managed to keep here by the skin of our teeth. We were on ur second notice of termination. I cant blame the LL. Obviously she has a mortgage to pay. I wouldnt want two scroungers in my house either.

I am putting off calling her. I am afraid. And its making me more anxius. If I could call her and say I had a bit of money, she might not be too bad. But we are broke. Everything is gone on bills etc. The SVP gave us vouchers for Christmas whch we spent but sure those toys were in the car. I just feel like I cant win o matter where I go.

I do feel a bit better. I know its the best thing for my son if I am here bu then there are those dark moments where I think, what kind of life does he have? He would be secure with other people.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 26-Nov-12 13:31:41

He wouldn't be secure with other people. He would spend the rest of his life wondering what he did wrong and why he wasn't enough to keep you here. You don't want that for him sad As I said before, there are MNers who had a parent commit suicide - they will tell you that no matter how hard life was before it, it was far far worse after it.

What are you long term solutions to your housing problem?

I don't know what is available in SoI but are you sure you are getting all of the benefits available to you?

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Mon 26-Nov-12 13:53:43

Im on the housing list for 3 years. Generally the wait is 4-7 and because I need adapted housing, it will take longer. I have had all my local polititians, social workers, doctors OT etc get in touch to try and push it but no luc. So if anyone out there has any pull with Cork County Council let me know!

The only option after that is Rent Supplement which we are being assessed for but due to back log etc, its taking time. Plus we need to account for some time we spent out of the country nearly 2 years ago so it wont be done till after Christmas at this point.

Social housing by independant HA are few and far between. Plus you are nominated from the housing list, so the higher up you are, the more likely you will be nominated. You are not told here where you are on the list.

I get basic payment while our claims are processed. I do think things would be better if housing was sorted. Because the rent is differential, if our circumstances change, the rent changes. obviouslyin private rented that cant happen. So I am focusing on that long term. Short term, short term scares me.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Tue 27-Nov-12 00:31:21

Why can't the Rent Supplement be sped up? Surely it's there for people in need, which generally means you can't wait for months on end?!

Can't you go and sit in your local HA office and wait until someone listens to you??

Cynner Tue 27-Nov-12 00:37:37

Mordecai, I really have nothing to add, except I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please know I am thinking about you and sending tonnes of support your way..

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