Just can't cope with it all anymore

[sweetkitty]

Dont know where to put this really but I am struggling big time.

I have 4DCs ranging from 8 to 2, DP works long hours although is great when he is here, we have no family help at all so it's just the 2 of us. We haven't had a night out together in over 8 years.

Today I pranged the car, not dented just burst my tyre, DP will have to come home and sort it out now.

On top of the usual money worries we are building a much needed extension to our tiny house, it's taken over 3 years and much stress to get to the start of building which was last week. This week they found problems with the foundations which needs more work and a lot more money we don't have. DP stresses about money constantly but especially now everyday he goes on about spending etc, I used to be a nightmare but am now on a strict budget in which I try to scrimp and save every pound which isn't easy with 4 growing DC.

Then there's Christmas, I wish I could just forget it was happening this year and wake up on the 1st January. Everything seems like a battle with DP about money, we don't go mad but like to give the DC a good Christmas, I know we have to cut back this year I accept that completely but he's on about getting stuff from the Poundshop!

The DC are also a complete nightmare just now all they do is fight and argue. I'm running about like a headless chicken cleaning, tidying and breaking up fights.

I honestly don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I wish I could run away, I won't of course but I have no joy, nothing to look forward to.

DP then texted me to say than he feels our relationship is one sided he gets nothing from it and constantly feels he has to pick me up :( I know I'm depressed but everything is just too much, it's just so hard.

I've been to the doctor before with depression and anxiety was on ADs which never really helped, came off them a while ago. Doctor basically said I have to sort my life problems out. I feel really bad as I know so many who are struggling with much more than I am, feel a bit pathetic really. I love my DC to bits but feel so overwhelmed by them.

Thanks for reading this don't know what it will gain posting.

[mashedpotatohead]

Blimey sweetkitty, no wonder you're feeling so overwhelmed. I feel this way about just 2 dc's sometimes! Money is always a bug bear eh & then dp working long hours, house chores etc It all gets too much sometimes & the car prang probably just pushed you over the edge.

Can you have a date night with dp? Just to try & reconnect a bit more without the expense of going out. With christmas, maybe you can check the freecycle website for your local area. They have some great things, you may find something for the little ones. You can always top up with some stocking fillers from the poundshop.

I have suffered with depression & anxiety. I can relate to not wanting to get out of bed & finding no joy in things. It's a horrible & hopeless feeling. Maybe you could see a different doctor? I am not saying you need AD's but maybe they can offer some counselling. I know it's difficult to find the time but it might just help you. Do you have a good friend you can talk to in RL? Take care

[sweetkitty]

Thank you for reading and replying. I've told some friends bits and bobs and everyone knows the ongoing extension saga.

The thing is we do have enough money, DP earns a good wage, well it does get stretched but he's so obsessed with our finances just now. I know everything we buy for the DC will be scrutinised. There's no joy in Christmas at all this year :(

[anxiousant]

You have lots on, it's no wonder you're feeling down. Maybe you should have a look for a babysitter who you could pay to look after your DC. You don't say how old they are but perhaps they could come once they are all in bed and even if you get a couple of hours off, it might help.

Can you talk about what to buy for Christmas with your DH and come up with a list of what to get and how much things cost? Then there won't need to be any surprises or arguments about it later on. Just an idea.

Do you have any time off by yourself, like an exercise class or swimming or something?

I've had lots on too and am struggling with anxiety so can relate to how you're feeling. Some days I can't be bothered to get up and if I didn't have the DC I'd probably stay in bed all day.

[sweetkitty]

Thanks anxiousant, anxiety is horrible I don't think you know how bad it is until you have it, mine is particularly about something happening to the DC, I hate driving now, am so nervous.

My DC are 8, 6, 4 & 2, the 2yo is ultra clingy and would scream the place down if left with anyone apart from DP or me (have tried) am hoping it's a phase, we can't afford to go out even if we could find someone mad enough to babysit.

DP came in went straight back out again to fix abandoned car and is now being all arsey with me. Not like I did it on purpose, I've been doing really stupid things recently (would put myself big time).

Oh and engineer phoned and extension is still in the balance a complete nightmare, have piles of dirt and a water filled trench for a garden.