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Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

(700 Posts)
Ineversignedupforthis Tue 18-Oct-11 05:37:56

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 07:21:38

It will be ok for you. It was for me, and it will be again. Idon't care if its a documentary, it still counts. Put it on the attic if you can't bear to have it away from your house.

Promise me you won't watch it?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 08:09:10

It was just on tv, I don't think it will be on again.
And I promise, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end from 'The Lioness'!

Bm is here till saturday.
I think I will try to avoid the subjects that cause pain today.
It was just going through the photos that set me off.
We're off the the national railway museum today, one of DD's favourite haunts.
She can run amok whilst we trail behind like compliant staff!

Got a bit of normality tomorrow with the shopping and swimming so will only see them for a few hours.
I do love them and am enjoying getting to know them but it's hard work keeping track of all the people in both our lives. We keep getting mixed up with who is part of who's family.

XH is being really nice at present which doesn't seem to be helping much either.

I've just seen how unreasonable that makes me look.
Of course I want any communication between us to be friendly, I hate it when he's being mean and cold.
It just reminds me of the man I thought he was, before he betrayed me.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 08:24:07

Not unreasonable. I preferred it when sbxh was an arse, cos itreassured me Iwas doing the right thing.

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 20:33:51

Hi Parsley, I've had an horrendous day, it started with me feeling sad and sorry for myself and got worse when stepdad rang to say mum was near the end!
She's got heart failure and is gradually getting worse, it's not something one recovers from.
They'd had a dreadful night, gp and district nurse called out in the early hours.
I think they thought mum's time had come.
Unfortunately mum lives the other side of the country to me, at least 1.5 hrs drive away.

So DD got a treat and went to railway museum with bm and her husband as planned and I dashed across the M62 to mum's.
I'd co-ordinated with my brother who lives/works nearer and we were both there most of the afternoon.

Mum's been taken to hospital for tests/treatment.
There's only so much that can be done at home, I think she'll rally this time, but who knows when the end will come.

Xh has been great about helping out with DD's tea and bed, I wasn't back in time. He transferred some money to me to cover the diesel and has been very supportive over the whole thing. Even as far as saying he would take me there himself if needed.

However he's still being a complete bastard over the DNA thing and is adamant that I won't get an apology from ow for what she'd done to me and DD.
He understands why I want one but doesn't see the point in asking as it won't happen.
It's like he's suffering from a personality disorder, one minute lovely the next a complete arse.

So I decided it was wine o'clock and thought I'd catch up with what the real (MN) world was up to!
I hope your 'holiday' is going ok, soon be friday!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 20:41:23

It is hard when you know people aregoing but you don't know when...with my Dad, I made sure I said to him the things I wanted (the things I was grateful for)...when you know people have limited time, its horrible, but it does give you chance to do this..

Holiday truly awful....never again. V optimistic on my part,even if things were ok. Just got tomorrow. Cannot bear to be in a car with ph and mil, so dd and I staying in the little town, they can do what they like.

Then we pack up andgo home Friday morning. About 5 hr trip unfortunately.

I am not on the wine, but have bought fudge, and flowers just for me, and a nice National Trust candle, and had a nice bath. This may stop me commiting a murder...

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 20:50:25

Look if you feel like murder could you stretch your impulses to my neck of the woods!! Ha ha , only joking, they're not worth it.

As my very dear friend pointed out prison uniform is sooo last season!
Also I don't think they make them in xxxl.

At least once the rest of the shit has hit the fan I can have a weekend away.
I've got that many offers to go and stay with people that I don't know how I'll fit it all in.
I'm going to be trollied all over the country in the next few months.
I've had a very attractive offer which combines not going far with an eighties night club, total bliss.
I loved the eighties and can't wait to do eighties dancing.
I'll show the whipper snappers, at least I'll get some space on the dance floor now, my bum's much bigger than it was then.
It may even have a go by itself!!

Oh look I've found a bit more silver lining and have cheered myself up.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:04:41

Sounds good to me...

Re murder, have you seen the Hitchcock film, ( double indemnity?). Two people both want someone bumped off, and both have motive. So each does the other one's murder, leaving it impossible to attach motive.....So, you could do my mil, I could do your sbxh. No-one would suspect you or I...after all, you do not know my mil! Sound like a plan Stan?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:09:24

Well if you call me stan then no-one will ever find out will they?
Apart from the forum lurkers of course.
We may have got to 58 posts between us but that doesn't mean no-one else is reading, or does it?

I've just been on the suggestions to make life easier thread and said I'd go for castrating all philandering men, it didn't get any response.
What do you think?
If they're dead they can't suffer, however if we keep them alive then we can do our worst! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha grin

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:10:48

Oh dear that came across abit cackling witch didn't it?
I'm in danger of outing myself now <removes cackle immediately>

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:11:19

Yes. Mrs Bobbit had the right idea. Was that her name?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:18:15

Oooh yes Lorena Bobbit, mind you didn't her xh go on to have it sewed back on and become a porn star?

I think I'll just stick to cackling and threats about access, they seem to have the desired effect.

I have absolutely no intention of denying him access, he doesn't know that though.
I can be very unpredictable when the mood takes me.
That always unsettled him.
Mwah ha ha ha, oops there I go again.

<note to self, rose causes virtual cackling>
Off to watch crap tv then to bed, night night.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:21:13

"Be afraid, be very afraid". Lol...grin

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 23:46:03

Well I didn't get to bed, watched tv and seethed about tithead xh.

Having got my head into some sort of order I've emailed him and basically told him to sort it all out and get a divorce, then we can get on with being DD's parents without the endless arguing about stuff that doesn't ever seem to get sorted out.
It all has to be sorted out for the divorce going through so I reckon if I push him for a divorce he may actually do something about everything else iyswim.

I am so sick of it all, I just want it sorted out and all the loose ends dealt with.
Maybe I should just sue him for divorce to force the issue?
My solicitor reckons he'd have to pay 85% of the costs as he's admitted adultery.
However the rub is that I don't really want to fall out with him, for DD's sake; so am not pushing him too hard.
But then perhaps that's what he's counting on, I am so sick of this aaaaaargh!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:09:01

Last time, I felt better when I was divorced...call his bluff a bit, whilst leaving yourself some wiggle room? Can't thing of strategy at midnight....there must be one...tell him, 'offer not available for ever....for the next week only, or whatever. He's playing you a bit, it's a powere trip.

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 00:18:12

He could do buy one get one free as ow is yet to divorce her ex.
We'll have to see what tomorrow brings.

You're right of course it is a power thing; always was with him; but then I always used to be persuaded that it was in my best interests to give in to him.

Well that ain't happening anymore, what a shame!

I will attempt sleep now.

Thanks, the wisdom of Parsley wins the day.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:18:28

A bit like my competition in Chat,over the cofee machine....'All entries must be received by0900 on Friday 28 October'. I am offering a prize of brew or biscuit for those foolish trusting enough to furnish me with an addres which is not at Her Majesty's Pleasure grin

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:19:20

Ooh, cross posts...night night Isis x

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 05:51:12

So much for sleep.
I had about 4 hours, well if it was good enough for thatcher...

It seems that another day dragging through the shit of life has dawned.
There may well be a diamond in today's shit though, my very nice (if married!) plumber is here today.
Finally I'm getting a new sink in the bathroom, the old one has been cracked since before DD was born!
Also he will temporarily shut off the water supply/remove radiator in the attic for the builder starting next week.

DD and I are having a quiet day today, bm and husband round for a meal this evening.
This week has been a bit full on and I'm glad of a chance to decompress.
I usually spend a lot of time on my own; which I like; so having family/workmen/xh round all the time gets a bit wearing after a while.

I've just realised something, I've seen more of xh in the last few weeks than I have in months, I can't be doing with it.
I know he can't help where his job sends him but I prefer it when he's away mon-fri.
I know I don't have to see him during the week then so some things can be allowed to fade into the background a bit.

I do want him to spend time with DD, but it is difficult having to see him lots though.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 07:01:35

Isis... I see your four hours, and I raise you 3 and a half hours sleep...
Yay to new sink. Going home today, half a day early...will be lufferly to be in my own bed again. Ph being vile, mil being vile. DD is being really lovely.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 07:08:53

And, my ph is a plumber. You might think was lovely, and he is actually quite handsome, if gone to seed a bit...He is not lovely though, so maybe your plumber is, or maybe not...You will only know when you have been married to him for 20 years.

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 08:08:09

I've just reread this thread of ours.
Do you know something Parsley it's things like this that keep me sane.

My friends; including 'the lioness'; have absolutely been marvellous.
Just hearing that others have survived is enough to empower me not to let the bastard grind me down!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 08:30:44

the Parsley song

I'm a very friendly lion called Parsley
And you know you always like to see me wave
But please don't shit on me or abuse me
Cos you know you'll only get as good as you gave

ChildofIsis Fri 28-Oct-11 08:43:39

Ooooh get you! Quite the witiest lioness around.

It could be a good daily mantra.

Did you get back from your 'lovely' holiday ok?

I've got a lovely new sink and cistern in the bathroom.
It's sad when something like that cheers a person up, clearly I need to get out more!

Mum's not much better, they've diagnosed kidney disease as well as all the other problems, I really don't think she's got long left.

Had bm and her husband round last night, bm helped with bathtime and bedtime. A complete treat for all involved.
I cooked them supper and we had wine (it was red so no cackling!) and looked at photos of all my family, there's so many of them.
I always wanted to be part of a big family, I have been all along and just didn't know it.

I hope you've settled back ok.
Have you come to any conclusion as to your future with ph?(that always makes me smile).

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 28-Oct-11 13:26:12

Hi isis. Had to kick him out...sad Thread on Relationships.

ChildofIsis Fri 28-Oct-11 18:57:29

Hi Parsley you ok?
I read some of your posts on the other thread.
Are you getting the support you need? Is there anything I can help with?

I'm very sorry for you that it's come to this, but who knows what the future holds for you.
Once this is sorted out you are free to do what you and your DD please.

Ooh hark at me, perhaps I should heed my own words!

On a lighter note I didn't find myself with the virtual cackles after red wine last night so perhaps I should stay away from rose when i'm on MN.

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