Feeling quite ill :0(

[Amaru]

I do actually feel quite suicidal, but too 'numb in emotions' I think to actually do anything about it.

I have actually thought of ringing my MHT which is a first for me, as I never ever ask for help or use the phone..... But I know I probably wont, but I guess thinking about it is a good start?

[NanaNina]

Amura - can you say a little more about your situation. It certainly sounds like you are suffering from depression which causes suicidal thoughts, and while you are so low you are unlikely to go through with this. However some people with severe depression do commit suicide so medics always take suicidal thoughts seriously and know it is a symptom of depression.

Have you seen a GP or any other medic ........are you on medication. You do definitely need to phone the MHT or make an appt to see GP. There aremany of us on these threads suffering from depression and know how horrid it is and makes us feel like we should be able to do something to stop it, feel a failure because we can't cope, feel guilty or ashamed. We never feel like this with a physical illness. It's the "depression" talking.

Come back if you can with a few more details.

[Amaru]

Thanks for your reply x

The last copied letter I got from my psych had about 5 different diagnosis on there, the most recent being schizoaffective disorder, oldest being Bipolar, inbetween are psychotic depression, borderline personality disorder..so I'm a mixed can of worms. I do take meds, the major ones being Seroquel, Effexor and Depakote.

I am experiencing the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder right now.
I don't want to tell my partner as we are going through some 'life changes' now anyway, I mean I know she knows things are 'not right'. But I am really really scared of being ill again, I am doing the 'if you ignore it, it will go away' thing.
I know that's not the case though :0(