I have OCD and am terrified of potty training - help, I feel so inadequate

[lightwind]

My son is 3 and not yet potty trained. I am feeling really guilty about this, as I'm pretty certain this is my fault. I suffer from severe OCD (I'm really phobic about toilets and all that goes on in them). I have been on anti-depressants for many years, have had 2 breakdowns and also see a psychologist regularly. Getting to the point of having a baby was a long haul, but I'm glad I did it and I love my son to bits. He's a beautiful, happy, loving child who can be a little monster occasionally, and though I find being a mum hard at times my son is the most wonderful thing in my world. I'm ok about changing nappies (wasn't at first, took a lot of gritting my teeth and facing my fears), and now I have a system in place that I can just about deal with. But I am terrified of potty training and potential 'accidents', so have been avoiding doing it. Has anyone else faced any similar fears or issues? I feel really stupid and inadequate.

[DerangedSibyl]

can you hand him over to your mother for a week? That's how I was potty trained, apparently.

[rightpissedoff]

that's not a bad idea, my mum did one of my children at 2.4 out of impatience

twas marvellous

[lightwind]

What a wonderful thought. I wish. Unfortunately mum is an invalid, and lives in another country, so I've not been able to turn to her for help. Mum-in-law also lives in another country, and isn't able to spare much time for us as she's got a busy life of her own.

[hocuspontas]

Can your partner help you?

When you say 'potty' training do you actually mean toilet training? Forget the potty, just seat them on the toilet. Less clearing up to do. I have never owned a potty.

Good luck! And well done for getting over the nappy changing, the toilet training will be another triumph for you!

[rightpissedoff]

Sorry to hear that lightwind. Is there no one else you can get on the case?

This is my advice and at three I think he'll make it.

Get the baby toilet seat like hocus says and then it's flushing not washing out a potty which is indeed no fun for anyone.

Also how well off are you.. can give yourself two weeks, a budget of 100 pounds and determine simply to throw away anything he soils.

Can you go to primark and buy a bunch of cheap trews and pants and simply throw instead of even trying to scrape or clean. Not that I think you'd have that much to do.

If you start off knowing that you won't actuallyhave to deal with poo or wee apart from chucking clothes in a tesco bag and from thence to the dustbin it might help.

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I think rightpissedoff has good advice, but I'm with hocus; does your son's father live with you? If so, I think this is an area to hand over to him next time he's on leave.

[Pheebe]

lightwind I know exactly where you're coming from. I don't have OCD (at least not diagnosed) but I dont 'do' toilets. Here's how we're coped.

Dont worry about a potty, go straight for the toilet. Use pull-ups but practice and encourage toilet use (stickers,reward charts, whatever works for your dc). 3ish is the perfect age as you can discuss the process with them. Have 'no pull up time' each day, start with an hour and gradually build up. Straight to toilet when pullups first come off and go from there. If you can, let him see you go to the loo, dont make a fuss over it, just a natural thing we all do etc. You can also start to introduce big boy pants to wear during no pullups time. DS2 went from pullups to dry all day in about a month so not that much longer than people claim for the cold turkey approach.

We went cold turkey route with DS1, it was vile, weeks and weeks of battling on and off, mess, wee, tears, ds1 feeling humiliated and 'dirty'. Just awful. With DS2 it was unbelievably easy, he's never pooed anywhere he shouldn't and has had handful of misses with his wee's in the last 6 months. He's 3y and 4 months and is reliably dry in the day now (and most nights). We still use pullups occasionally in the day if we're going to be in the car for more than half an hour or if I dont know where the toilets are. He has no problem with this and isn't confused by it in any way.

Hope that helps

[PortBlacksandGinLane]

Another one here who never used a potty just a step up for wees and a 'booster' seat for poos. i never saw the point of them tbh....why sit your child on a bowl that doesn't flush - usually right next to a fully functioning toilet?

[BettyBum]

No actual advice but just to say you have done really bloody well getting this far by the sounds of it. Well done and good luck xx xx

[Ilovesqueezingspots]

Hi,

I also have OCD, had it since I was a child so I know it inside out.

Has your psychologist gone through exposure therapy with you e.g. you exposing yourself to what you fear?

If you can let me know a bit more about what your fears are e.g. if I touch the toilet seat I might get ill and catch something etc I'll try and help you.

[halfcaffodils]

You will probably have very few poo accidents. I can only remember a couple each with my children. I actually did early toilet training; some might say there should have been more accidents. With wee you can just bag it quickly and get it to the washing machine. I agree re: going straight to toilet, skip the potty.