how long after major depressive episode before person is "well"?

[cestlavielife]

exP had "marked depression" in oct to nov 2010 unable to do anything etc (also agitated, lashed out at DD etc)...now is on AntiD's since six weeks and his GP considers he is now in "period of stability" and "mood is now stable". (exP gave permission for GP to write to me)

is six weeks reasonable amount of time to say ok he "well" now and normal service eg contact with DC should resume?

i am inclined to take slow approach to build up eg contact supervised (i have court order for supervised contact) in public place eg cafe, library, initially.

how long does it take to "recover"? should more time be given for meds to have effect?

also, "stable mood " but very agressive text messages acusing me of this that and the other...(my msgs i take care to try and be only factual eg "DS can meet you in xxx cafe with xxx at xx time" - his response is "this is abusive not letting me have DS in my home" ) is that part of recovery phase or?

[livinginazoo]

I think that they say that on average it takes 9 months to recover from a depressive episode, but that is average and probably not taking into account recurrent depression, other factors etc. Also, antidepressants take weeks to start working, so six weeks is not long. If he was aggressive towards the children before, and is still acting aggressively towards you now, you should probably follow your inclination towards supervised contact and see how it goes. Stable might just mean not suicidal?

[cestlavielife]

tks living - this is recurrent depression - by my reckoning, since the hugely major episode in 2007, he has only managed maximum nine months of relatively "stable" (not suicidal/not "depressed") months in each year 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 before a crash again...
tho i have been given info that he had stopped taking meds in mid 2010 (as he felt "well").

so if he feels well again in few months then stops meds again...????

v difficult to know if he is adequately self-managing the illness and therefore to take decisions around contact. if we build up again to unsupervised - then he crashes again? is so uncertain... is it possible to seek some kind of commitment/agreement?

how?

i am open to all suggestions from his point of view as others in his situaiton may see it.

i dont want to manage his condition nor should i have to - we are separated and is his responsibility - but the DC also make it my responsibility in a way.

how does he see it? I dont know...

perhaps someone with personal expereince can advise best way forward as after four years of up/down i dont want to carry on as before.... possibly neither does he?

[rinabean]

He's being aggressive and difficult. Whether or not that's to do with his depression, that's the situation right now. When he's not being aggressive and difficult you can reassess the situation with regards to contact, right? Don't make it more complicated than it is :) Good on you for organising things so your kids can still have a relationship with him!

[Vanillacandle]

If the court order is for supervised contact, then that is all he gets. Who supervises the contact? If it is usually you, then I would suggest trying to get a friend or family member as well and see if you can use a Contact Centre. That way he gets the access he is entitled to but you have back up and witnesses, and the centre staff to help if anything gets out of hand. It is also somewhere completely neutral with toys etc for the DCs rather than having to use a cafe where he could embarrass you and DCs in public.

Did you split at your instigation or his? If it was you who initiated it, it could be that he is doing this as a way of punishing you for leaving him.

I would carry on being absolutely clear and matter-of-fact in your communications with him so he has no chance of accusing you of anything. Try to keep or print out his messages to you for proof later on of his aggression. Don't even think about unsupervised contact until he can prove that he is taking medication according to the prescription and has had a significant length of time since the last depressive episode. If that ever happens, then make sure you stipulate at the time that if there is another episode or if he stops taking medication, it's straight back to strictly supervised contact with no argument.

GP's assessment that "mood is stable" is not much use - most people can manage to come across as stable for a 5 minute consultation. The GP does not see what he is like with you and DCs. If he has given GP permission to write to you, maybe you could let the GP know what kind of messages you are getting from him - he might change his mind!!

Long post - sorry! But I hope it helps a bit...

[cestlavielife]

tks rina and vanilla . i dont supervise contact. when things were more settled n september 2010 i attended a couple of school events at same time as him - he misinterpreted started sending messsages about how good it was to be altogetehr again. creepy. stalkerish.

i left him in 2008 due to his violence and aggression amongst other things.

currently have court case to separate finanically - no he isnt happy about that...so is interesting idea that he consciously punishing me. who knows how his mind works...

evidence is that he had a definite depressive episode, possibly due to taking himself off meds... so yes need to get a significant length of time since the last depressive episode.