Need advice on PND

[worriedHusband]

Hi all,
Hope it's not frowned upon for a Dad to come on here, I'm not sure which way to turn at the moment. I think my wife may be suffering from PND but when(ever) I have tried to discuss how she is coping/feeling she just gets mad and says all mums are stressed and she's sure she's 'normal'. (Her words, I don't suggested shes abnormal, just that I think it's time we sort help for her/us). I don't know what to do, she won't talk to a Dr about it and it's affecting our relationship and our kids. Of course this is all in my opinion and from my perspective, I know that all things are relative and my world view is no more valid than anothers. She is so rarely happy about anything for so long now though, I want my wife back...

worried_dad

[MrsShrekTheThird]

you are probably hitting the nail right on the head, and lovely of you to care so much to come and post.
From the inside, PND is hideous. Your head turns to mush and your brain doesn't seem to work any more, but somehow (typically) a new mum has to be seen to be "fine" and doing a marvellous job. So we bring on the 'supermum' act. But in my case, I did it like a complete zombie. Didn't go out of the house for six months. Horrific.
How long has she been like this? And how old are your children? (sorry so many questions, just wondered if it would help?)

[worriedHusband]

Thanks a lot for your reply. We have our son who is 4 and daughter who is one. I think it's (PND) been there to some extent or another since our first child arrived. It seems much worse since our second child though. It's not on and off any more, seems nearly continuous.

[MrsShrekTheThird]

spot on, itsonly - I found APNI hugely helpful. And sure start were a lifeline for me.
IMHO it's quite possible that she's been suffering to a degree since your first child, I found it went worse each time. I wasn't diagnosed or treated after my first, and felt much worse after the second - at which point I was in a dreadful situation.
Show her you love her, that she's a good mum, and that you will support her through everything. It's easy to feel when you're depressed that nobody understands, and couldn't possibly have any idea what you are feeling. You don't have to live in the same awful world, but you can throw her a lifeline to escape. Good luck :)

[peachybums]

I didnt recognise i had PND at first as i have BiPolar and just thought i was going though an episode. I didnt listen to DP and said he just didnt understand what being a new mum was like and all new mums are like this. It was a close friend who actually pointed out i didnt seem ok and that she was worried before i went to see the GP.

Sometimes it can take an outside opinion before you really think 'hell i really do need help' She might just think your 'nagging' or 'not undertsanding'. Has she got a close friend you can talk to and maybe get her to have a word? Im sure youre doing a great job, just keep on understanding and showing you love her x