don't like cbt.

[rinabean]

not really sure why I'm starting this thread. Anyway. I've had severe depression and anxiety for 3 years now. I had to quit uni because of it. There were months where I didn't leave the house. I tried to kill myself so many times. it was so awful. half the time Iwasn't inside my own body. A couple of months after it started I went to the doctor once and then couldn't leave the house to get to my other appointments & cbt. so that kinda fizzled out. However this last October I felt loads better. I started an OU course and went back to the doctor and got some meds. Since then I've been on the waiting list for therapy and I finally got some a CBT course starting last week. But I didn't go. I couldn't face it. so the guy spoke to me on the phone. and he was just asking me stupid questions and I don't want to go. So i didn't go today either. my partner is really disappointed in me. he says he stills loves me but i don't really know why.

I have an appointment with my doctor on monday. i really like her. She saved my life. she is really kind and professional and just the best kind of doctor. she had to put in a lot of effort to get me back on the cbt thing (because I had not gone the previous time). and I feel like I am letting her down too. so I am really miserable. :(

[BooBooGlass]

If you want to tackle these issues then you have to go. Being on the phone with someone is very different to being in the room with them.
You have a choice really. You can stay the way you are and be miserable, or you can give the CBT a whirl and see if it helps. It's got to be worth a shot? CBT has helped me get my life back. I don't want to sound mean here, but these waiting lists are long. If you're going to miss every appointment, someone else could be getting the help that you don't want. It's a waste of everyone's time.
And you're not letting your doctor down. You're letting yourself down. You have the power to get better, but missing appointments isn't the way it's going to be achieved.

[rinabean]

Oh ok cbt. That's what my fucking thread was about. I don't like the questions. It's stupid. It's like "what stupid things do you worry about?" i say one of them. "what do you think will happen?" the worst thing. "what is the worst thing?" then I'm supposed to say 'world explodes' or whatever and then he'll be like "how likely is that?" BUT I ALREADY KNOW THIS. I already do this! I already try and stop myself and think: what's the worst that could happen? would it be the end of the world? no. is it even likely? no. I KNOW THIS. And the questions like "what feelings are you feeling at that point?" and I DON'T KNOW. I just think this kind of thing isn't for me. trying to work out the answer to a question I genuinely don't know, I don't know the method, and no-one can say "ok, you are struggling, work it out like this", it's just so infuriating! i can't stand not being able to answer a question. the stress about this is so consuming. I have an extension on my tma and i don't think I can do it. and then I'll be shown up for the failure i am. I am so stressed out. I just want everything to go away for a week or so so I can collect my thoughts.

[BooBooGlass]

Fwiw rina, I'm on session 15 of 20, and i's only just clicked for me. The questions he's asking you are designed to get you thinking about why you think the way you do

[rinabean]

Thanks for the reply, BooBooGlass.

I wasn't expecting there to be something in between my posts so that's kinda cheered me up. :)

Back in December I was in the room with the counsellor for like an introductory session or something. I didn't like that very much either. I just feel like that + the actual CBT, it's way too much. I don't want to go there. it is making my teeth grind and my heart stop. I guess it's fear. I don't like it.

I know abput the wwaiting lists. i feel so shitty. and besides i just feel like i'm not going to get better so what is the point. i know someone else could have the appointments. bvut they are so aeful why does anyone else want them? sorry about my typing my eyes are blury.

[rinabean]

I know it's meant to be hard and you have to think about things differently and everything but does it make your teeth grind? does it make you angry and scared? i can't cope with this I have a course to complete it's the first thing that's been going right I even got a bad mark on one and didn't give up normally i give up if i think i am doing badly so i was really happy about that and if i get a degree i'll finally have something to show for my life

i feel like my priority is my coursework. my partner thinks it's the cbt. but i don't know what to do

i can't do both

i'm sick of having a normal list of things to do and i can only do one. i thought the meds had helped with this. i just care slightly less. I guess it's still better? i am trying to be positive.

[rinabean]

thanks so much for responding btw. I really do appreciate it.

[rinabean]

Oh my god, look at my typing! I apologise!

[BooBooGlass]

Your priority is your mental health. And yes you can do both.
At first I found it a bit exhausting tbh. It brought up issues I wasn't expecting and it gave me a lot to think about between sessions. But becasue of that, becasue of the work and thinkign I've put in, I'm able to move forward. If I'd let my fear get to be the first session, I'd be back where I started, or even worse probably. Whereas in fact, I feel prepared to move on with the rest of my life. I couldn't have done that by myself. You deserve to get well. If you believe you will never be better, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy, and what a waste of your that would be. CBT is something proactive you can do to help you. Give it a try. I dare you

[lovemysleep]

I first had CBT and hated it - I think it was the therapist I had, and the fact that it felt rushed and just not what I needed at that point.

I have been seeing a therapist privately, for 2 years now, and she has used a mixture of things, and to my great surprise, she has also used CBT successfully with me. I have been depression free for 2 years now, and have even managed to handle a miscarriage recently.

What I'm trying to say, is that I think finding the right therapist is the most important part of getting better. I have had short blocks provided by the NHS before, and they have been a sticking plaster - not working for long.

If you can afford to find one privately - I pay £25 for a session, and my therapist will negotiate a lesser rate for those who would struggle to pay that, as I'm sure others would.

Maybe go and see the one the doctor has sorted, just to test the water. You'll know for definate then if you can't go through them.

Good luck - you can get better with the right treatment, and devoting some time to it.

Ps. you are not a failure - you have a mental illness that is bloody hard work!

[TeenageWildlife]

Your partner is right. Stick with the CBT and finish your degree later. I know that you will hate that response, sorry! Anyway, it will suck and make you angry, and maybe will not be an answer in itself but might be a help and lead you into other therapy, at least there is a chance you may get well. No point in having a degree if you cannot go forth into the world.
I wish you well, I wish you luck. Well done for being brave enough to write.

[NanaNina]

I can see the sense and logic in CBT when I am feeling ok (am still on the recovery path from a severe episode of depression last yr and in hospital for 3 months) My CPN has introduced it to me. However when I am having a bad day or run of bad days that sometimes happens, it is much more difficult to think of the CBT principles. It is a very simple theory and can be helpful but it is not a magic bullet. Would that there was such a thing!

I'd say give it a go rinabean and you might or might not get on with it and Lovemysleep is SO right, so much depends of the therapist and whether you feel it is someone you trust and can be comfortable with. Private therapists are usually between £45 and £55 per hour so LMS is very lucky to be paying £25. Can you afford private therapy because a good therapist will use a variety of therapies, dependent upon your particular problems.

My CPN said she had gone as far as she could with CBT with me (she wasn't a therapist but had done courses on CBT) so I booked a session with a bloke and he was a total dickhead. I had e mailed him brief details of my circumstances, but he still took 20 mins going through all this, and told me nothing that my CPN had covered in the first session and charged me £70!!

I think BooBooglass is right, that you can do both, or at least give it a try. You say you feel like you are not going to get better and my CPN gave me something to read that said "Ok be as cynical as you like about whether therapy will help, so long as you can be cynical about your own beliefs that you won't get better" That made me stop and think a bit.

It is very normal to feel you won't get better and a symptom of the illness when it is of a mental rather than physical nature. It is not helpful though and you really do have to start changing that mindset and CBT just might help you to do that.

Sending good wishes.

[cg267]

Hi,
There are other therapies other than CBT, the government suggests that IPT (interpersonal therapy) is also a good approach. I use this therapy particularly with women with PND and seems to be a good approach.
It may depend on where you live, but you should also have access to a psychology service where you can access other therapies such as psychotherapy or creative therapies. But it is a postcode lotttery!!!
Sometimes the therapy someone is receiving just isn't a good fit for them, I thinks thats fine, we're all individuals.
good luck
x

[Eurostar]

Maybe you can say to the therapist that you are struggling with the "c" (i.e. thoughts) as the rationalising doesn't help you and ask them to look more at the "b" side - i.e. behaviour. This will help to see what you were maybe doing differently that helped the recent partial recovery you experienced, it will help you build in things to your life that make you happy, even if you don't feel that you should give yourself permission. A good CBT person should help you look at your life as a whole - thoughts and behaviours - it is in the behaviours side that it really differs from other styles of therapy.

Also, if you do engage with the CBT therapist and it's not working, they may be able to refer you on to a different type of therapy if you decide together that it might help.

There's more to lose by not going than by going.

...and do make sure your GP has given you all the blood tests under the sun for thyroid, vitamin levels, blood count - there could be something physical going on here too.

[rinabean]

Thanks so much for all your replies. I've read them all and I'm trying to take them on board and I think they will be really helpful. I don't really feel up to making individual replies right now, sorry.

Thank you! :)

[rinabean]

Had an appointment today with my lovely GP. She says maybe I should be seeing the CPN instead, but will discuss it with him to be sure. Also she might be able to give me tablets to take to get me out of the house for therapy (when it's personal things I'd rather just not go than get addicted to extra medicine). I'd like private therapy but I seriously can't afford it. I'm having trouble with the ESA people and my partner's short on work. I feel like I'm being a pain and I told her so, but she told me not to be silly and the important thing was that I get some treatment or another. Did I mention she's the best doctor ever? :)

Thanks again for your posts! I keep re-reading them because they're helpful to me.