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Mental health

Will my CPN give up

15 replies

maddie04 · 10/02/2011 01:58

I feel like if i dont get better soon then she will just walk away.
What did others CPN's do for them that made them feel better.

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shodatin · 10/02/2011 10:24

They don't walk away!
Mine told me that the present problem was the worst thing that would ever happen to me, and that having survived so far, I was over the worst. I hope it's the same for you, as time does cure.

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NanaNina · 10/02/2011 13:20

Oh Maddie please try to stop blaming yourself for your illness. You wouldn't be doing this if you had a physical illness, I DO understand though because I think it is one of the tricks that mental illness plays on us, and makes us think it is somehow out fault that we are ill and should be able to do something to get better. I certainly have felt this and still do at times as I am not fully recovered from my last severe episode of depression.

My CPN has visited me weekly since I was discharged from hospital last July (now on 2/3 weekly visits)and she has been a godsend. She couldn't cure me of course but just to have someone to talk to who understands what you are going through and give advice and reassurance has been invaluable.

You ask what she did to help (sorry Maddie I can't recall the exact nature of your illness but think it was depression and anxiety ? sorry if I have that wrong - I recognise you on this thread but my recall is not too good these days!

My CPN has always encouraged me when having bad days (sometimes weeks) not to isolate myself, get some exercise, talk to people about how I am feeling, try to distract myself and generally try to "ride out" the blip and have faith that it will pass and that I will eventually recover. She has also introduced me to CBT and you could ask your CPN about that.

CPNs are professional people and they do not just "walk away" but their services are based on clinical need, so they will make a judgement about the state of your illness and circumstances, and that will determine how often they visit and how long they stay involved. What I am trying to say is they will see you as long as they feel there is still a need, but when someone is recovering well, they will cut down their visits. Mine has advised me that she will probably be discharging me in the summer - so I have plenty of notice.

Talk to your CPN about this and I'm sure she will re-assure you. Take good care and remember that there are many of us struggling out here, and we must believe that This Too Will Pass.

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maddie04 · 10/02/2011 20:08

Thank you NanaNina for your lovely advice im having a day where my thoughts are ok but when i get really bad days and read the things i write i sound so ill, Im trying to overcome this but some days its so hard hope you are keeping well x x x

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NanaNina · 11/02/2011 14:57

Hi Maddie - glad your thoughts are ok today. Are you getting enough support - you clearly have a CPN as you mentioned one. I'm really sorry I can't remember the nature of your illness. Keep posting though Maddie and I've found it helps so much. I'm still having ups and downs, more ups than downs but would love it all to go away.

Are your meds ok - do you have support in RL?

Thinking of you and sending warm wishes x

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maddie04 · 11/02/2011 16:06

Yes I have a CPN but sometimes find it difficult to let her help me but im trying to work on that.
I have severe postnatal depression and im on fluoxetine which they are wanting me to stay on just now but im not too sure if its working.
Dont have much support from family as i dont tell them anything because even if i did they probably still wouldnt support me and i would make me feel worse. I dont think they really beleive i mental health issues and havent been a great support to me in dificult times in my life.
Im the same as you i would love for it all to go away i just think why me hope you are ok and getting good support, your always so nice to others on different post and give good advice hank you x x x x x x x x x x x x x

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NanaNina · 12/02/2011 17:18

Hi Maddie - can't be much help today as I woke feeling really awful - worse I have felt for ages. Managed to get good friend on phone and cried down the phone etc and she was lovely and calming. Got myself up and went for long walk and sat in sun but suicidal thoughts kept coming into myhead. My partner who has been very supportive is getting v stressed - says he isn't but I can tell he is.

My son, dil and kids are coming over tonight for my birthday last week and are staying the night. I wanted to put them off but didn't think it was fair on DP so have to try to get my act together in the next hour or so - hoping they might provide a distraction as I feel marginally better than this morning.

Re the meds - I think they only work up to a point - think they deal with the worst of the symptoms but then you have to do the rest yourself (well that's what the psychiatrist said to me) My CPN always advocates not isolating yourself, getting exercise etc. so |I try to do that but today is a struggle. I know I should not think negatively as that is no help but it's very hard not to sometimes isn't it.

Hope you will be able to let your CPN help you - do you feel comfortable with her/him or is it just a general feeling of being able to express how you feel. So sorry you are not getting help from family. Have you any friends in whom you can confide.

Anyway wishing us both better times ahead and I'll look out for your posts.

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itsonlyajob · 12/02/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

natsyloo · 13/02/2011 21:38

I'll second that itsonlyajob - you don't have to see the whole staircase to keep taking teeny steps in the right direction. Have faith.

NanaNina - hope you're feeling a bit better, you've been so kind in posts to me that I just wanted you to know am thinking of you. Like you say, this too will pass. Hang on in there, there are brighter days ahead x

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maddie04 · 15/02/2011 22:38

thank you everyone for your advice, not having a good time right now im on a real low since saturday, stopped taking my medication because my head tells me too.

Then i hadnt slept for days so last night i took lots of my tablets just so that i can have a sleep and forget all about life, dont know where to go from here.
I cant do anything properly!!!!!

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NanaNina · 16/02/2011 00:41

Maddie - your last post is worrying - you say you took lots of tablets. Please come back tomorrow even if just to say Hi so we know you are ok.

Thanks natsyloo - yes fair bit better this evening thanks, and hoping this will continue through week, but who knows? Think I have sent a post to you today on another thread so forgive me if I am repeating myself but I am definitely convinced that going for a walk (even in the dreary wet cold weather) lifts my mood. My CPN has been telling me this for ages and it is certainly true.

Its onlyajob - yes I know I can call my CPN thanks and she calms me down when necessary but I am lucky to have a supportive DP and some very close women friends who I can turn to for support but thanks for your concern.

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maddie04 · 16/02/2011 10:42

Hi NanaNina im ok i just take them so that i can forget everything for a while.
I sometimes feel like this illness is too strong for me to fight it x

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NanaNina · 16/02/2011 17:10

Glad you're OK Maddie and I SO know what you mean about feeling the illness is too strong to fight. I think you should be taking your meds though Maddie as not taking them will not help will it. Is the lack of sleep connected to your not taking the meds or just random. Sometimes nothing seems tomake sense with mental illness does it.

Sending you good wishes

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maddie04 · 17/02/2011 16:53

No nothing is making sense I feel as though I have a running commentary going on in my head.
I am only taking my payment for all the wrong ive done i guess i deserve everything!!!!
I absolutely hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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NanaNina · 17/02/2011 23:56

Maddie - you are beating yourself up very badly and I know you believe you deserve to feel the way you do and hate yourself, but it isn't true - it doesn't matter what has happened in your life, your do not deserve to feel so dreadful. Depression makes us hate ourselves, it's one of the symptoms.

What help are you getting Maddie?

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maddie04 · 18/02/2011 19:30

Hi NanaNina thank you for your kind words.
I see my CPN every week and she is a great support and so is my gp but its just the whole opening up bit, im scared to resurface feelings that might be too upsetting and hen they are back in my head
I hope you are having a good week x x x