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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Have called duty social work team re my son

76 replies

changingname4this · 03/02/2011 22:15

Not sure why I am posting this as I know that it is a decision I have already made about a situation that has been building up for such a long time.
My eldest son, 15, is under psychiatrist care of the local CAMHS team with a suspected diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder & drug induced psychosis.
He has been 'off-key' since he was about 4 yrs old & has had various low key interventions from school based anger management etc since age about 9. He finally got CAMHS referral when he seriously assaulted another pupil about 18 months ago.
My partner is away 3 out of 4 weeks and this wont change for another year, so I am alone with 2 younger kids & am 6 months pg. This is relevant as DS1 has told psychiatrist & admitted to me that he hears voices telling him to harm people including me & his younger siblings.
The psychiatrist has told me to be vigilant re child protection & TBH I do worry a lot on the days (well nights really) when DS1 seems to be particularly unwell. At these times I dont sleep until I know he has gone to bed & seems settled; this isnt until 3am some nights.
Basically DS1 has been 'on one' today since returning from school & there has been an argument between DS1 & DC2 tonight. I have intervened as DS1 apparantly was squaring up to DC2 (age 11) and then threw DC3's games console on the floor.
Usually DS1 will listen to me even if he is hostile but tonight he refused & wouldnt leave the playroom to go to his room to calm down; he ended up walking out of the house & has not returned yet which is another boundary challenge in itself as he has a strict 9pm curfew on school nights. I haven't checked if he is in the shed or near the house which is where he goes if he is locked out when he gets back home before me; I feel a bit wary of approaching him TBH.
I called BIL but he is working tonight otherwise he would have collected DS1 & had him stay there; DS1 will listen to larger males.
I have called duty social work team as per what is on his CAHMS care plan & am waiting for a call back. Feel so empty with it all.
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get it of my chest & feel better for doing so already.

OP posts:

Report

eaglewings · 03/02/2011 22:20

Sad to hear what you are going through, hope you get the call back soon and get the support you need

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2011 22:24

poor you,have had similiar with dd where she is unpredictable when angry. but not as extreme as what you're going through

i worry about safeguarding my other dc too.

changingname4this · 03/02/2011 22:34

Thanks for both of your support.
He's just knocked at the door, I asked had he calmed down he said "Yes" but he is clearly still feeling very hostile, said he doesnt want to talk about whatever is going on for him. I asked was he going to bed & he just said "No", walked into the playroom & closed the door.

Yes, it is so worrying & difficult trying to get the balance right in supporting one troubled DC whilst keeping the other DCs safe.

TBH I think I am ready to admit defeat; I can't manage this situation at home any longer.

On the bad nights the irony strikes me that whereas most women alone lock the front door at night to keep the people they are scared of out, I am locking the person I am scared of in with us.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 03/02/2011 22:38

The fact that he hears voices telling him to do things (as part of a psychotic illness as you describe) is very worrying.

You are all going through such a lot. Ring them again if they don't respond fairly soon.

Obviously if situation becomes worse or unstable please ring 999 police and explain situation. (particularly that you have young dcs and are pregnant and there is a potentially high risk of assault/violence)

No easy answers here, really feel for you. x

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2011 22:38

what can you do? where else will he go?

hope something can be put in place for you all soon. is a diagnosis/medication on the cards?

are your other dc showing signs of being affected by this?

my 8 year old gets worried when his sister kicks off. and 12 year old ds tries to protect me....its so sad,seeing what ss can do. not hopeful tho

onepieceoflollipop · 03/02/2011 22:39

Just a thought do you have another trusted male friend/relative you could call on. (even if just for company for an hour or two as a male presence in the house?)Is your bil at work all night?

changingname4this · 03/02/2011 22:51

Thanks again for your help.

TBH BIL is the only one who I would want to come, DS has pushed my dad over before now (dad is lovely,patient & kind & in his 60s with a hip replacement too ) so I am wary about who to put 'in the firing line'.

Was considering staying at my parents with the little ones tonight but I know that isn't a good long term solution besides which I know that DS1 shouldn't really be left alone & unsupported.

I wasn't keen on him being medicated before (the Dr thinks he has a psychotic illness) due to side effects but he can't carry on like this. In this last week there have been 2 incidents of violence at school (punching walls & shouting & swearing at kids & teacher) as well as this tonight.

This will be my first contact with SS, I am scared of what road DS1 is going down but don't see how we can carry on like this. Think I will call them again at 11pm if they haven't called back by then.

OP posts:

kibbutz83 · 03/02/2011 22:54

I felt quite concerned that nowhere in your post have you eluded to the fact that you love your son, or were worried when he ran out of the house! My son used to be "difficult" when I showed him little love or affection :( When he would "run away" for hours on end I would be running around the streets crying because I felt terrified that he would be either abducted or may harm himself. Our children must be our responsibility right from the word go.. after all we chose to bring them into this world :( Having 3 kids and another on the way must be incredibly draining, but it was still your choice!!

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2011 22:56

we have a psych referral from CAMHs,but in meantime we have counselling,which dd is now refusing,and gp has put her on the pill to try to ease hormones. early days yet with that one

i have called police when she has been violent at home......twice now she has been arrested and spent the night in the cells. police have been out other times....dont be afrais to call,they can calm a situation,not just arrest/detain.

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2011 22:57

kibbutz....its a foregone conclusion that op loves her son,she wouldnt be posting for help otherwise!!

butterpieify · 03/02/2011 23:04

If he is ill, he needs help. Often the best way to get help is for a professional to see him "at his worst".

I am speaking as someone who has been in a simalar situation to your son - get him help. Drugs aren't the end of the world. Neither are the police. Better you call them for something relatively minor then someone else has to call if things get worse.

Please do make yourself and the other kids safe too though- he doesn't know what he is doing :( If that means he needs to be somewhere else where people can look after him, so be it. Please don't be angry with him, but tell him he needs to have treatment.

Get him help and he will come back. He is still there underneath it all. If he is hearing voices he will be petrified. Just imagine how scary that would be to a child.

The police are used to it, or do you have a crisis number for the team who have been helping him?

kibbutz83 · 03/02/2011 23:07

They're teenager's with emotional problems... I believe it should be up to us as parents to deal with our kid's problems.. My son is now a loving caring 17 year old, but he probably wouldn't be if I hadn't taken my head out my a**e...

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2011 23:08

so what did you do kibbutz? how did you change things?

weblette · 03/02/2011 23:10

Kibbutz with all due respect there is a world of difference between 'teenagers with emotional problems' and a teen under the supervision of a mental health team who may have a psychotic illness.

kibbutz83 · 03/02/2011 23:12

I have drug-induced psychosis, but I still know what I'm doing!! How do you know he's not "acting-out" because he's miserable and confused? Could it not just be attention-seeking behaviour?

cornsilk · 03/02/2011 23:13

kibbutz - the OP is clearly worried sick about her ds.
Sorry you're going through this OP

kibbutz83 · 03/02/2011 23:18

I was told by a psychotherapist that my son craved my love and attention... I grew up with a mother who showed no love, so I didn't know how to show love to my son... I learnt slowly to become a better mother, and to put my son first, because that's what I hadn't been doing.There is also a very thin line between psychotic illness and a child needing attention and support...

changingname4this · 03/02/2011 23:19

The CAMHS team gave me the out of hours social work team, I called them at 9 15 & the swithchboard took a message & said they will call me back.

I dont know whats worse, last year when he started hearing things he would talk to me & confide, one night it was heartbreaking he was crying in my arms like a baby he was so upset by what was happening to him. Obviously I dont want to see him upset but now its like the oppositte he is so far away I can't reach him.

Whatever happens tonight I will call his CAMHS worker 1st thing tomorrow & see what they can do.

Kibbutz- sorry to hear you have had problems with your own health & your childs but I can't engage with you on this thread as I am more concerned with my own family crisis & dont require your opinion on whether I am loving my kids enough.

OP posts:

weblette · 03/02/2011 23:21

OP I hope you and your son get a quick response and the support you need.

kibbutz83 · 03/02/2011 23:26

CAMHS can do very little... they don't have the resources :( That's why I say we have to take responsibility ourselves!! There really are no other avenues :(

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 03/02/2011 23:33

changingname - it sounds very hard and very scary. You have to do, what you have to do, for the safety of the other members of the family. Whatever that is, it doesn't have to be forever. Hopefully DS will get the help he needs - that you all need him to get.

I hope someone rings you soon
x

Tryharder · 03/02/2011 23:36

OP, hope things improve for you - what a horrible situation. I truly hope your son gets the medical attention he needs. Is there no way your DH can be at home permanently?

Tryharder · 03/02/2011 23:37

But surely Kibbutz, if a child is hearing voices, he has some mental health illness that needs to be treated presumably with drugs of some kind. I know nothing about mental illness...

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 03/02/2011 23:38

kibbutz - changingname has been 'taking responsibility' for him for 15 years - he has PTSD, DI psychosis and god alone knows what else. She has two younger children and is heavily pregnant and is pretty much dealing with it by herself - she needs help, she does not need to be told she doesn't love him or that she just needs to take responsibility. I appreciate you have had a hard time - but you are not her and she is not you.

MrsBananaGrabber · 03/02/2011 23:39

Kibbutz you are not helping in any way.

OP, he sounds like he needs professional help, don't feel bad and do what you have to do, I can't imagine what you are going through but good luck.

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