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Mental health

Am depressed and considering antidepressants - any advice?

3 replies

ovumahead · 01/02/2011 11:19

Hi all,

I've been battling depression and anxiety on and off for years. I'm in weekly psychotherapy, which I know can sometimes make things worse before they get better. I'm not sure if that's the case with me - it's not much fun, but it does feel very helpful. Anyway, I've been waking up very early in the mornings again recently, my brain feels like fudge - my thoughts are really slow, I feel anxious, thoroughly exhausted, and this morning when I woke up I just felt this massive pressure in my head and felt utterly, utterly miserable and was crying for ages. My DH tries to be very supportive, but when I feel low I often feel like he's to blame for everything, even though in reality I know he's not.

There are loads of things going on in my life right now which make me think it's all situational things which are triggering my low mood - I'm coming to the end of a PhD and am working 6-7 days a week, sometimes more (e.g. evenings etc). I've just got over a nasty cold - sometimes this makes me feel like crap too, mood-wise. I have no job to go into once my PhD is over, and no time to apply for jobs properly (I have applied for a couple, but heard nothing back), my DH has been working 12 hour days, and I feel really annoyed with him for this (he's freelance so could be more flexible considering I'm swimming in work at the moment, and have no flexibility with it!), and I feel a terrible, aching guilt about not being around enough for my 3 year old DS who is absolutely the light of my life - but I just don't have the energy for much right now.

We do get on very well as a family and generally the atmosphere at home is playful and calm, but I feel like I'm about to snap with all the pressure on me at the moment. I know there are people in worse situations, but I know I have a tendency toward getting depressed, and I think it's happening now.

I'm considering taking ADs but am really skeptical about them. Partly because I think the pharmaceutical industry is sketchy, and the evidence base for these medicines is not really very sound (e.g. no one actually understands how they work!), plus I'm worried about side effects. I've taken ADs before about 10 years ago but stopped them myself as I was getting 'jolts' etc a lot and it was really annoying!

Any advice?

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NanaNina · 01/02/2011 12:02

You say you are coming to the end of your PHd - how near the end? If it soon, then maybe you could hang on and see if you feel differently and calmer when the work is completed. On the other hand you are mentioning symptoms of depression, low mood, prolonged boutof crying etc. You have had depression before and you think it's coming back - think it's important to listen to what your body/mind is telling you. No harm in going to see GP and discuss matters.

I have had 2 severe episodes of depression both needing 3 months as an inpatient. First one was 15 years ago, 2nd one last yr but it took me ages this time to realise it was a return of the depression.

Don't worry about people in worse situations - of course there are - that won't help you. I often look at posts with young mothers (like you) but struggling with 4 under 5's and and absent or unsupportive partner and I think my god how can they get by. I am 67 with grown cildren of course and grandchn (retired social worker)and supportive partner but I felt suicidal both times.

SO - which way do you go - your decision but I can't see why a visit to the GP would do any harm. I know exactly what you mean about ADs (there is a lot of evidence in trials that people get better at the same rate whether taking Ads or placebos) I am taking an old fashioned tryclic (Imipramine) beause that suited me and got me better last time (though there is no way of knowing whether it was the meds or would have got better anyway) They like to prescribe the new SSRIs now, e.g. sertraline and citoprolam which are effective for many people.

Hope you soon start to feel calmer, and sending you warm wishes - tis a horrid feeling to wake up feeling flat and anxious and needing to cry. Think only those who have experienced this can understand.

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ovumahead · 01/02/2011 12:42

Thanks for your reply. I'll try to get a GP appointment tomorrow. It's so difficult with working such long hours though! There's always a chance that this mood will shift when I finish my PhD - but that's not till August! Seems a long way off right now. Another 6 months of this is enough to drive me completely bonkers.

It's very comforting to know that others have experienced the same kind of anguish when waking up in the morning. It really is hell. Not all mornings are like that, thankfully!

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NanaNina · 03/02/2011 17:58

How are you ovumahead - have you seen your GP yet and if so was he/she helpful.

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