anxiety attack anyone around?

[MummieHunnie]

to talk to me?

[HumphreyCobbler]

hello

where are you now?

[MummieHunnie]

at home, on the edge of a panic attack, too many cards from people who are linked to abuse in past and this time of year hard as was threatened to be killed a few years ago and the constant drip is making it hard

[fluffyanimal]

Hi, what's on your mind?

[HumphreyCobbler]

so sorry you are feeling shit

but you are safe right now, try and hold on to that

[MummieHunnie]

fear lack of control others controlling me and not listening to what I want

[HumphreyCobbler]

throw any cards you don't want in the bin, you don't have to give them house room

[HumphreyCobbler]

you are in control, honestly you are

panic attacks are scary but they do stop

[MummieHunnie]

only one was for me, the others for kids, so I am a dreadfull mother for feeling like this about thier stuff

[fluffyanimal]

Is home a safe place now? it sounds like you got out of your abusive past - can you write down a list of everything you have achieved since then, to show yourself how far you have come?

[MummieHunnie]

just me and kids, abusve past a few years ago was bad this time of year

[fluffyanimal]

I don't know your back story (that's not a request for you to tell it by the way) but if you have got yourself and kids out of an abusive situation then you are not a dreadful mother. A Christmas card is just a piece of cardboard. It isn't interactive. You don't need to respond to it.

[HumphreyCobbler]

you are not a dreadful mother, you are just having a wobble

[MummieHunnie]

It triggers so many thoughts, each day there is one or two things now, I asked one of the people to stop, they were not helpfull and it looks like they won't stop! I don't want it comign throgh my door I want to feel safe, and it was high level mental/emtional abuse, and I did not get out, he left and I did not even realise

[MummieHunnie]

why keep sending things to children you have no interest in having a relationship with they don't want the kids so why send the stuff

[fluffyanimal]

But you survived - you are still here - you still have your kids. If you have realised that you were being abused then you have come to yourself - you are becoming your true self. Each day that passes takes you further away from the past. That can be frightening but it can also be empowering. Bin any post that comes without opening it.

[madmouse]

Mummiehunnie so much can trigger abuse memories and pain - for me it's the snow right now and heck if the man who had his way with me would send me a card I would go spare.

They may well be sending it to still exercise control, but you don't need to let them. Cut or shred the cards and put them in the bin. You do not owe anyone anything.

Try to make a space in your house that is safe - maybe that has nothing christmas related in it but something that makes you feel safe. My safe things are a teddy bear I can hold with flashbacks and my mobile phone with texts from my friends in it.

It doesn't matter what works for you - do something positive that is good for you and makes you feel safe

[MummieHunnie]

He sends for is own reasons, who knows, i don't think the others actually think that they are doing bad, i don't want them coming to my house, shredding them is no good, I DO NOT WANT THEM TO COME TO MY HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Shredding is like a chocolate tea pot!

I am not safe, they can do what they like to me and they are safe I am not safe

[fluffyanimal]

OK that's the panic talking so right now you need to calm down. Put some music on, drown out those thoughts and try to do some relaxation exercises. Tense hold and then relax each muscle in your body starting from your toes and working up your legs all the way up to your face and then down your arms. This will help to release the right hormones to combat the panic hormones.

When the panic has passed you will know that your last sentence in your last post is very very far from the truth.

[MummieHunnie]

I am going to stop the thing that does not make me feel safe and now that I am feeling calm it sounds pathetic, it is the post that is bothering/triggering me so I am going to tape up the post box for the next two days and refuse to answer the door to the postie, that way I can now relax and enjoy Christmas with no more distrubances from the outside world! Thank you for all of you that helped me during that panic, I had, I loose my normal thinking when I get into that sort of panic!

[fluffyanimal]

Glad to hear you are feeling calmer. Have you got a sympathetic neighbour you could ask to receive your mail until you are ready to deal with it? Just in case something important like a bill should come in the post the next couple of days.

Have a peaceful Christmas.

[MummieHunnie]

Fluffy, I have never in my rational mind felt so MAD as I did when I was taping up my letterbox, what kind of a person can't deal with post related to an exh? I don't expect anything that important in the next two days, I will remove the tape on xmas day! I think this is about me wanting to feel in control, and not being controlled/hurt or attacked! I have thought through what I will do next year to deal with this and have learned now! I don't like the idea of the people related to exh having control over things like we don't want anything to do with your children, unless it is on our terms, and as and when it suits us regardless of what the children want or need, just like exh really!