I did it

[rachelmummy]

hi, i am quite new here so apologies if this is not the right place to post here.

I have been drinking far too much recently (2 bottles of wine in a day) and have been wanting to change for some time. Yesterday, I finally made the decision that I have a problem and want to change - AND POURED THE WINE DOWN THE SINK. I know it's just one day, but I've proved to myself that I can do it.

I didn't get much sleep and don't feel great physically, but I know that it's simply because I'm not loaded with alcohol. I know that within a few days, my body will readjust. But mentally, I feel so amazingly proud of myself.

For the first time in months, I do not feel controlled by alcohol. I know that this is going to be a long road for me so just looking for some support please.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yay ! well done -that is great-really wish you well -have you some kind of support to help you with this ?

[rachelmummy]

Thanks for the replies. No, I don't have any support, which is how I've got into drinking. It was my 'treat' if I had a bad day or 'reward' if I had a good day. So basically any excuse.

And somehow, instead of me controlling it, it started to control me. It went from having a drink after the kids were in bed, to having a drink at dinner (5pm) to wanting one at lunch time - this is especially true since I started drinking more than one bottle of wine, as there would often be wine left over (second bottle).

A few times recently, I've considered pouring the wine away, but never felt strong enough. Which made me feel even weaker. But, yesterday, I just had it. Poured the whole lot down the sink at dinner time.

I am so pleased that I've managed to stand up and (i) admit that this is not right and (ii) do something about it.

For the first time in ages, I won't be buying alcohol today

[aBrightStarWithFestiveWays]

That's great, you have made an amazing start :) Have a look in the Relationships section (I think) for the Brave Babes threads - lots of people going through the same process as you. They are excellent for support, understanding and advice.

I wish you well. You can do it! :)

[Adair]

Wow, that's brilliant. Well done!

Tell us what you are going to do to 'treat' yourself instead today please .

(PS my husband has followed a similar path... it is now a year and a half since his last drink. To inspire you not to scare you! He is evangelical about it. And takes it one day at a time still.)

[rachelmummy]

Thanks Adair. I am not treating myself at the moment. The clarity of sobriety means that I'm looking at a house which is only being held together... I only do the minimum (though, enough to make everything look OK... It's not a tip) but there are lots of things I need to get on top of. No.1 being paperwork and no.2 being organisation.

ABSWFW - I will see if I can find that thread.

[Adair]

Well, I would say you need to find some alternatives that you can indulge in when you feel you 'deserve a treat' (not because of not drinking, just because!)

eg dh has got into:
nice coffee beans and making proper coffee
chocolate
watching stargate in the bath

(PS Please don';t be too hard on yourself, really. But it sounds like you will actually enjoy getting to grips with things and re-engaging...)

[rachelmummy]

Thanks Adair.

I think I need a hobby. Drinking wine of an evening has really become my only hobby . I need something that I can get absorbed into (mentally... I hope you see what I mean). But I have no idea what.

I have twins (2YO) and no childcare so escaping (I mean that in the best possible way) is difficult.

SO, for now, I've set myself challenges each day, just little things to keep myself busy when I would normally have been drinking

Think I will find the evenings the hardest. I'd really gotten into telling myself that this was 'me' time so it was OK to chill out with a 'glass' of wine... but I know in my heart of hearts that was simply an excuse to validate drinking so much.

thanks again for your kind words. I'm not proud, but I am feeling almost relieved that I've found the strength to not drink.

[Adair]

You SHOULD be proud. Habits are hard, hard, hard to break. For me, it's actually that I sit on the internet all evening - and yes, tell myself I deserve it cos the kids have been so hard (and I don't have twins - eek) but actually it's not very creative and/or fulfilling. But somehow I have a million things I want to do if only I had the time, but as soon as I do have the time, I can't think of them or make excuses. And tbh I am so tired I just take the easy option...

Challenges each day sound like a great idea, I write a to-do list which helps but then I choose not to look at it .

Hobby ideas:
making stuff (jewellery, clothes)
jigsaw puzzles
writing a novel
drawing/painting
reading (maybe all the books on the top 100 or something)
crosswords/sudoku/puzzles/quizzes

I want to do all the above, dammit am going to get off the internet now and DO something now.
Enjoy daydreaming about a new hobby!

[ClimberChick]

I think the brave babes threads are a support group for people trying to stay away from alcohol. I don't know if you've been there of not. Good luck in getting the help and support you need

[rachelmummy]

Yes, I have joined, Climberchick

[ReformedCharacter]

Well done rachelmummy!

I gave up almost 3 years ago now and it's the best thing I've ever done.

Keeping busy is key I think. I was having CBT at the time and my therapist encouraged me to plan my day out the night before. Nothing too structured, but to have a morning, afternoon and evening task to complete. I was in a mess at the time so my tasks started off with things like laundry and 30 minutes of paperwork, and then progressed as I got more organised.

It was a combination of those small goals and having someone (in my case a therapist) to be accountable to that kept on the right path. You could think of the other posters on the Brave Babes thread as people you are accountable to if you think it would help you too. I hope that doesn't sound patronising - not meant to be anyway.

I was a morning drinker so I used to go out every day, early, and do an activity. I went to AA meetings, alcohol dependancy group therapy sessions run through the NHS, the library, shopping ... anything I could think of to keep me busy through the hardest part of the day. Getting the morning right meant that the afternoons and evenings followed on without cravings most of the time.

Sorry to have gone on here. I just want to let you know that it's a brilliant, positive thing you're doing. It's not easy, and there will be times when you really want to drink, but with the right preparation and support it's not that difficult either.

Best of luck to you xx

[ToxicKitten]

Just wanted to add my congratulations :) I had my last drink on 31st October, restarted therapy and anti-depressants shortly after and like you am beginning to look slightly outwards with real hope.

It is so nice to have found this place where other people are open about their own issues and so supportive to each other and it helps me feel so much less of a "demon" when the chips are down.

Hope you don't mind me joining in :)

[rachelmummy]

Hope I don't mind???? Goodness, no, your words are really very very welcomed.

I have made it through another day (and evening - I haven't got any alcohol in the house and I'm in for the night now as I have to put the little ones to bed, so I can crave all I want and I'm safe )

I'm still feeling physically really ropey but (even if I say so myself) I am looking brighter. My skin feels better (possibly because I had a most relaxing evening and actually moisturised my skin instead of dehydrating it!) but I think, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel I have a future which revolves around what my children need / want first and foremost and not alcohol. That is a good feeling.

I know it's only been a few days, but for a long time, I have felt powerless to stop myself. I didn't feel capable or that I would cope without a drink. But now I know that I can.

It will be, for me, one day at a time for a long time. I cannot, at this point, contemplate never drinking again, but I am equally coming to the conclusion (I am reading the Brave Babes battle bus threads) that I am the sort of drinker who will probably never have a 'normal' relationship with alcohol.

I do appreciate all the comments.