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Mental health

DH scared of taking anti-depressants

14 replies

iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 19:30

Hi

My DH is quite possibly depressed. He has massive mood swings, some days just grunts responses at me and can't find the energy/ motivation to DO anything.

He works, but hates his job. He says he finds every day a struggle, and has to haul himself out of bed, when he would rather just curl up and stay there all day. He also gets very easily stressed/ anxious, and snaps at me or my DD. It pisses me right off.

I want him to go to the doctor, and get help. I keep thinking that ADs might make all the difference - I want back the happy, funny easy-going man I married. He does not want to do this, as he is worried he will end up 'hooked' on ADs, or like some kind of zombie.

Is this plausible? He actually asked me to post this to find out people's experiences of ADs.

Thank you for any advice.

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BooBooGlass · 28/11/2010 19:34

It's a nonsense ime. I just don't understand some people's reluctance to take antidepressants. It's hard to understand how they will help, but they do. I was on anti depressants for about 6 months and they managed to lift me out of horrendous PND. Your dh sounds just like how I was feeling, and tbh I got to the stage where my friends had to convince me to go to the dr. Slowly they made me feel better, I can't explain how, they just took the edge off the hopelessness and panic so it was just below the surface and not overwhelming. I managed to stop taking them by myself and with no side effects. If it were any physical problem, I bet he wouldn't hesitate to get medication. Depression is no different

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iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 19:41

What medication were you given, BBG? (Thank you so much for replying btw).

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MiasmARGGG · 28/11/2010 19:47

I was very reluctant and scared to take them ( for anxiety, not depression). I had them for a year in my cupboard before I worked up the guts to start them and even when things got so bad I knew I needed to do something taking that first step was still hard. The first few weeks was shit as I had every side effect going and felt rotten but I've beentaking them for 6 weeks now and I wish I started last year!

They've been great for me, my relationship is the best it's been for years and I feel like my brains actually working! Not zombified at all which is one of the things k was worried about. I understands how your H feels, anti d's are a big step but a good step in most peoples
case.. It's sounds like things can't get much worse anyway :(

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iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 19:51

Thank for sharing this MiasmARGGG. What side effects did you have? How long did they last?

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Forster · 28/11/2010 19:55

My husband is on them. They have helped him so much. He was very down before, like your dh plus irritable and drinking too much. He is less ratty, happier and drinks much much less. He is happier. When he stops taking them he deteriorates. I had to nag him to go the doctor. You have to take them for a few weeks before the side effects stop but they do really help lots of peoople

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iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 19:57

What side effects did he have Forster?

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ItalianLady · 28/11/2010 20:01

If he had a headache he would take a pill. If he broke his leg he would take pain killers. Lot of people think depression is something you can just snap out of and feel there is a stigma to having it and taking medication for it.

He needs to go to his GP and be honest about how he is feeling. If the GP says he should try some tablets then he should. He owes it to himself as well as his family to try and get to the root of the problem and try and treat it.

I will be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life. I hate having depression, I hate how much it has affected my life. I hate having to take pills every day but I would hate more living without my meds. It is crap without them.

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bumptobeno3 · 28/11/2010 20:16

hi
Its always best to get a proper diagnosis from gp as we're not doctors and it could be anything ? Have you tried the natural remedy route ? My friend was talking the other day about a natural tablet you could take for depression, no side effects, i'll find out what it was and i will come back to you. take care.

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Forster · 28/11/2010 20:22

disorientated, sweaty, doped out, very tired, but the pluses were evident immediately and they wear off v quickly. Everyone is different though.

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iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 20:25

You are right ItalianLady, I think he has been hoping he will 'snap out of it' (and so have I). It's not going to happen, is it?

Thank you bumptobeno3. You sound very kind.

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iwasyoungonce · 28/11/2010 20:27

Thanks Forster.

I have read him all these responses and he has promised to make an appointment with the GP this week. Progress!

I really appreciate your responses, thank you so much.

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NanaNina · 28/11/2010 23:43

Iwasyoung - think you have had good advice and just want to endorse what others are saying. When your H goes to the GP he will probably have to answer a few questions about his mood e.g. are you sad most of the day/some of the day/rarely, can you concentrate to read/watch TV, are you sleeping more or less/waking early, is your appetite increased/decreased, have you any interest/motivation in life, do you have suicidal thoughts. There are a few more but they are the symptoms of depression and it helps the GP to diagnose, and whether the depression is mild, moderate or severe. I don't think there is any doubt whatsoever that your H is depressed. Can you go with him to the GP for moral support and to make sure he tells the GPexactly how he is feeling (not saying he wouldn't be truthful but sometimes we don't want to admit things even to ourselves)

I have had 2 major episodes of depression (one 15 years ago and I was in hospital for 3 months) and 1 in April of this year and again was in hopsital for 3 months, and I ma struggling to recover.

As far as ADs I concerned, they are a life saver because they pick you up when you are "on the floor" and I can't imagine why so many people fear taking them. As others have said people with angina/diabetes/heart problems etc don't hesitate to take medication. I think one of the problems is there IS sadly still a stigma attached to mental health conditions, about being seen as a "nutter" etc. These things have to be ignored.

The only other thing is that ADs work differently on different people and what suits one may not suit another, and so sometimes one or two different sorts have to be tried. These days GPs like to prescribe the SSRIs (these are the newest type of AD and work well with fewer side effects than some of the old type) but again side effects differ with different people. Also, it is not like taking an aspirin for headache, they do not "kick in" for 2 or 3 weeks (the GP will advise you on this) and people sometimes stop taking them, thinking that they are ineffective, but this is the road to nowhere. Depression is a very nasty illness which is largely misunderstood because people think it means being "fed up" and it doesn't.

Depressed people want to withdraw and that is why your H wants to stay curled up in bed - I do too sometimes, though it doesn't actually do any good. Your H is still working which must be causing him more and more stress. He needs some time off and the GP should be willing to sign him off.

Anyway good luck to you both and I'm sure there will be brighter days ahead.

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Forster · 29/11/2010 15:05

My husband too was very reluctant to go to the doctor but they really helped him (the Ad's) He is on citroplim or something, one of the newer type of ad's.

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iwasyoungonce · 29/11/2010 22:28

Thanks NanaNina for your very informative post. As far as DH's work - unfortunately he is a self-employed tradesman, so it's not possible to get signed off. Or at least, he could of course sign himself off, but we'd have no money.

I am definitely going to go to the GP with him - very good suggestion.

Forster, thanks again for your help. I'm so glad things have improved for your DH.