stressed to the point of blackouts

[Littleblue]

My finances are about to hit the wall..severeley in debt..my son has gone to uni and is suffering with suicidal depressions..im losing work because i have degenerative disc disease and all the scary stuff that goes with that..got three other kids at home..im a single mum and just lost the man i thought i would marry..massive heartbreak..at my wits end..blacked out driving recently..ended up on ecg

[Littleblue]

feel very detached..stressers make my head spin and give me chest pains now..im a tough old boot..but its all just too much.

[sethstarkaddersmum]

poor you, it sounds absolutely terrible. You have so much on your plate in one go.
have you been to the GP?

[Littleblue]

yeah..they did bloods..i can go back for anti depressants..i dont know what to do..i just wish i could sleep..

[SparkleSoiree]

Perhaps a stint on the Anti Ds may help you through these tougher times whilst you sort out how you can manage things..?

[Littleblue]

maybe..but they can make you feel worse for some time..im so fragile i almost darent..atm im grimly coping..if that makes sense...

[SparkleSoiree]

I understand. When I went on them it took about a week for the effects to kick in but I could see an end to the suicidal feelings.

Obviously be guided by what your GP recommends but ideally you would get to a strong platform in order to start rebuilding your life..I am really sorry it is so cr*p at this time of the year. (Or at any time really!)

[Littleblue]

feel sick when the kids mention xmas..im so skint..
I dont feel suicidal..i feel completely overwhelmed..and horribly lonely...

[maktaitai]

Oh littleblue that really is a perfect storm. No wonder you are feeling so crap.

Is your son getting any help at uni? Has he seen his personal tutor, visited his GP, any of that stuff?

Have you got anyone to talk to about the money side - CAB, someone like that?

So sorry things are so bad.

It sounds like kids are a bit older (mine is 6). Please let them help. Could you call a family conference and say to them, I'd love to have a good Christmas too, but money is really bad at the moment, how can we make it the best Christmas possible in the circumstances? They might surprise you with what they come up with.

[maktaitai]

e.g. I have posted this before, my mum wanted to stop my stocking when I was 10, and when I asked whether it was the bother or the cost, she said it was the cost. So I said, could she wrap up some things from around the house so that I had some surprises to unwrap, because what I cared about was the fun of the stocking, not really what was in it? Stuff like that.

Do you have any family who might be able to help, e.g host christmas for you?

[Littleblue]

my kids are 6,10,17..and 19...yes hes seeing gp..im really proud of how hes dealing with whats going on..depressions been with him since before we all left a dv situation..weve come so far..
Im just trying to roll with each thing as it hits..and deal but im in constant pain and so tired..
The kids are due to see their Da at xmas..so the pressures off re dinner etc..but still have to buy pressies somehow..i have stuff on ebay..jewellery etc..
Ive a mate who has sorted his own finances..and will come here and help me sift thru and even negotiate on my behalf..i need to plan this..im in a kind of apathetic state atm..i work all the hours i can and keep realising another day is just about 'run out'..chronic insomnia isnt helping either...

[Littleblue]

im making presents where i can..

[maktaitai]

not really surprising you've got insomnia with all this going on, plus the pain

tbh i would get off the computer now and go to bed with a hot water bottle and a soothing dull book, maybe a children's book - if you can't sleep you can't sleep, but at least you can read something soothing, or just rest in the warm

really, do consider asking your children for help on 'doing Christmas' - they have a right to contribute too

then maybe see the GP about your back (i'm sure you see them a lot)- my dh was referred to a spinal rehab clinic locally which was absolutely fantastic, staffed by specialist physios - maybe there's something like that within reach? He had to try all sorts of other things first, but nothing worked as well as they did.

[sethstarkaddersmum]

how are you this morning Littleblue? Did you manage to get any sleep last night?

[Littleblue]

Ive been to gp..hospital etc..im waiting for an MRi scan..and got physio wednesday..wheels are in motion tho they turn slowly..

I slept a bit yes..but had a bit too much wine..not clever i know..im tired today,but i have had some work come in..which is a step in the right direction..thanks