PND or just the way life is?

[IckleJess]

DS2 is 5 months old, I also have 3 more DCs DD2 2.10, DD1 11 and DS1 14.

DH is out of the house from 6am-6.30pm everyday and usually works all day Saturday. I have little family support or friends. I am really struggling at the moment but not sure if it is just because life with 4 kids can be hard at times for everyone and it will get better or whether it is more than that and that actually, I may need a little help.

I feel like I am blinking back tears most of the time, the slightest thing sets me off. I'm shouty with the kids, especially the older 2 although they are typical teenagers (even if one isn't one technically, the attitude certainly is) and I also feel anxious too.

I worry about DS2 constantly - is he being stimulated enough, does he have enough tummy time etc - all silly things really when I write them down but they don't seem silly at the time. I'm also dreaming terribly too, last night I dreamt that I lost DS2, I had taken my eye off him for a second in a car park and when I turned round he had gone, presumably abducted. I was hysterical and when I awoke I couldn't get it out of my head and that made me feel even more anxious as though it was a premonition. I also regularly dream that DH is having an affair. The dreams are so real that during the following day I get flashbacks which play on my mind.

I have tried talking to DH, not in any great detail as there never seems to be enough time, but whenever I've said things like how anxious I feel his standard response is 'that's how I feel all the time' or if I say I've had a bad day/am struggling he'll say 'welcome to my world'. He runs his own business and it is extremely stressful so he no doubt does feel the same but I feel like I'm not allowed to feel 'down' etc - he is very supportive of me in other areas and a fantastic dad and husband but he doesn't understand depression, very much of the 'pull yourself together' school of thought. Therefore I stop talking then as I don't feel I can really say how I feel and there's not much he could do even if I did.

I'm ebf DS2 so not able to have a break from hhim at all as I can't express (just rubbish at it) although I know it won't be many more months before he is weaned onto solids enough for me to have a day away and as long as DH isn't working he would be more than happy to have the kids so I can have time to myself. I don't really want time to myself atm as I don't know what I would do as have no friends to go out with etc anyway. My self esteem has always been on the floor and I struggle to meet new people becasue of that.

I'm not sure I'm even making any sense here but it is helping to put all my thoughts down. I'm just wondering if the way I'm feeling is just how life is at times with 4 kids, a reasonably large house to keep on top of, bad weather keeping us indoors etc etc, or could it be PND?

[puredeedbrilliant]

Hello, I really feel for you. You have SOOO much on your plate no wonder you are feeling a bit down!! Sounds like you could really do with some support and company. Are you involved in any local mother and toddlers? I have a 2 year old and am ebf my 5 month old too. Its such hard going!!!

[IckleJess]

There are a couple of toddler groups but I just can't seem to summon up the motivation to make myself go. I struggle to start conversations with people at the moment and at times wish I lived in a bubble where no-one could see me and I didn't have to interact with anyone :(

I need to pull myself together don't I? I just feel so incredibly sad all the time yet have no real reason to do so.

Thanks for your reply though.

[arcadia96]

IckleJess I'm no expert at all, but from your first post I thought it may be 'just life', but in your second post you mention lack of motivation and that wanting to be invisible feeling, and feeling sad all the time; that makes me think that you might be depressed. Do you have a nice GP or Health Visitor you could talk to? Maybe cognitive therapy could help too. You may not have time, but you can get books from the library to begin with.

[lukewarmcupoftea]

On a completely cynical note, if you go to your gp for some help, it might help wake your dh up to the fact you need some support (no matter how stressful his business is, he has control over it - you have no control over the demands the dcs make on you).

Whether how you feel is 'normal' or mild depression or pnd, you need that support and understanding. 4 kids by yourself, that is extremely hard. I've just got 2 and lots of support, and I'm still struggling (the weather doesn't help either).

Also, how about your local surestart centre? Ours have play groups and might be a good way to meet people as well. Having someone to discuss all those little concerns (eg tummy time) with can be invaluable.

[lukewarmcupoftea]

Ps the 'blinking back tears' thing, for me, is usually a sign that I am utterly exhausted, and if I don't get some rest then that's when the sort of spiral down into depression can start. Take care of yourself.

[Lynli]

I think you are in danger of becoming depressed and suffering from clinical anxiety.

I have felt the way you do and have sometimes managed to pull myself back with exercise and relaxation and sometimes had to have help with ADs.

It is always a problem deciding if what I feel is normal, as it comes at a time when I have real good reason to feel that way.

I have learned to identify the signs early.

I think you should go to see your doctor and let him assess you, it may be that you don't need any medication at this point, but it is often better to act early.

Try to speak to your DH again and make him listen. I know it is easier said than done.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

[tallblonde]

Hi
I'm currently recovering from PND and I have to say that a lot of what you describe - the tearfulness, the irrational thoughts, the trouble sleeping - were symptoms I had which I now know are down to depression.

Please go and talk to your doctor about this - I was very unwell but my doctor put me on anti depressants and I began to feel so much better within just 10 days.

It may be that you don't need medication, but I think the fact that you have felt compelled to write on this forum means that you recognise that what's happening to you isn't normal - it's a cry for help, and admitting it is the first step towards getting better, so well done for posting your message.

Please look after yourself xxx