anyone about? could really use a chat?!

[MissTired]

just that really anyone about for a chat? x

[Mbear]

I'm up. Not particularly sleepy.

You ok?

[MissTired]

im not sleepy either, things going around in my head stressss!!! im so down, have been pretty much all my life, saw nurse other day about my anti-d's as even on higher dose they are still not working, i have a feeling its more than depression so did a stupid online personality test which came up extremely high bipolar, reading about bipolar it sounds like how i feel i am and when i saw the nurse she suggested this - i hadnt mentioned it at all. im back at gps on monday and they are on about referring me to a psychiatrist but now i feel like its still getting worse, i feel like im being watched but noone here, i feel almost not here and i dont know why, i dont know if thats my depression or whatever it is i have, or if its in m head and im imagining it! i dont know what to do other than keep watching tv and not sleeping!! do you think this sounds odd?!

why cant you sleep anyway?

[Mbear]

I have no idea why I can't sleep, I am a part time insomniac - but only when I can have a lie in lol!

I don't have much experience with bi-polar, but a little with general depression (on and off for a few years myself). But possibly a diagnosis for you could be a positive thing? Might mean that any meds might start working?

[MissTired]

yeah perhaps, i mean what im on now are not helping and have actually made me significantly worse so i dont know what thats about, i knew they might not help but ive never had tablets make me worse before!

my son gets up at about 4 or 5 at latest most mornings so if im not going to sleep by this sort of time im not likely to bother, waste of time as will be woken up so soon after!!

i hate feeling like i cant sleep one day and could sleep forever another day!!

with depression have you ever had drastic mood swings?? i was always under the impression thats not a depression thing so thats what makes me think its omething more/different, but i dont know really if im reading too much into things!?

[Thoroughlyashamed]

I'm up but won't be able to help,

I've decided I'm fucked up & every body is better off without me,

[MissTired]

hey they wouldnt be better off without you, want to talk? x

[Thoroughlyashamed]

Sorry x post.

ignore me

[MissTired]

if you need to talk then im here, not great myself but i can try to help/listen x

[Mbear]

I worry that if I go to sleep I will get woken up by ds, so I then can't sleep - bloody vicious cycle. Also after 1 yr of broken sleep, my body laughs in the face of 7 hrs!

I suppose in some ways that I have had mood swings with my depression, but they are really short lived and focus more on the empty feeling after you have tried really hard to be animated and 'happy' with others. I am 'up' and chatty etc, but then just feel soooo flat after, and drained. I don't think it is intense, and like I said, I feel it as a 'high' cos I feel so bloody awful after.

I beleive that that the bipolar highs are longer lived than that, and are way more intense - but I have no idea if you get degrees of bipolar, just like with depression?

But I really don't think that your meds should be making you feel worse, so that really is something to get sorted asap. And no sleep probably doesn't help either lol!

[Mbear]

Thoroughlyashamed - please stay and join us..

[Thoroughlyashamed]

big sobs, thanks miss tired but it's not worth it & I shouldn't have grabbed your thread.

I need to go to bed because they will all need me soon.

sorry again x


I'm sorry x

[MissTired]

you see thats what i dont understand where the line is between bi-polar and severe depression!? maybe the psychiatrist will be of some help if they refer me there! the gp seems a little baffled by me but seeing a different one on monday so maybe that will help!

ha ha yeah no sleep wont help will it, but then my son is almost 5 so im used to it now, hes never slept well - he has autism and that affects his sleep!!

[MissTired]

dont be sorry, stay, more the merrier, we can be insomniacs together!!, and you didnt grab my thread you joined it thats different xx

[Thoroughlyashamed]

Ive been diagnosed with bi-polar for years but i now relay on alchol to take away (make it worse) the pain.

I shouldn't be here, I'm so sad & very sorry, I wish I gad the guts to end it all but I don't so I sit on the internet night after night trying to find people that understand.

[MissTired]

i dont know if i have bi-polar yet but i do understand the feeling of wanting to end it but not having courage etc, have you been drinking tonight? would talking to someone help?

[Mbear]

What makes you so sad thouroughly?

I can't imagine the permanence of bipolar, my depression hasn't been with me always, so I get some respite from the lows. But even that is tiring.

[Thoroughlyashamed]

Don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it.

My life is sad & the fact that I sit up all night like this makes me sad but it's all I have to me even though I have 3 girls & a DH.

I'm sorry, noon understands where I am.

My past depression & "bi polar" means nothing &,,,,,,,,,,,,


I shouldn't have logged on & I'm sorry x

I hope you are ok

[MissTired]

dont be sorry, if youre sad for being up at this time then so are we! dont log off xx

[Mbear]

Please don't be sorry. If you don't want to carry on posting, that is fine, but please don't think you shouldn't.

[Mbear]

I hate the fact that I can't sleep and dh will tell me off in the morning for "spending all night on that bloody phone" but things are never that simple!

[Thoroughlyashamed]

Truly MissTired?

I am so ready for things to change & sao scared & crying right now.

I've drunk the wine (don't feel bad for it) & mow every one is in bed - they are now help to me so are we ready to chat?

[MissTired]

i agree mbear with the "you spend too much time on that thing" how man times do they tell us, why oh why do they not learn we do as we wish!!

stay thoroughly and chat with us, though if i disappear in a bit its my laptop battery lol i will have to hunt for the charger in the dark so not to wake up dp!!

[Mbear]

I'm attached to the wall already!

[MissTired]

ha ha im downstairs charger upstairs in same room as my dp who wakes if you turn light on yet my ds comes in and jumps on us and he miriculously sleeps through it!!! and my stupid phone wont work on mn!

[Mbear]

I must admit I have perfected the art of refusing to wake first for ds now (although he is pretty much going the distance). I figured that since I did all the night feeds for 6 months - it's his blimmin turn!