Anxiety (self) help--long, sorry

[quiddity]

Hello, I haven't posted in this topic before.
I was emotionally neglected and abused as a child and teenager, have suffered extreme social anxiety and other problems since.
I have seen several psychiatrists who decided I was depressed and gave me ADs. Not one has worked.
In any case I think if I'm depressed it's a perfectly reasonable response to my situation--I have very few friends, find it close to impossible to make new ones, live a very solitary life, and on bad days it's very hard to leave the house or do anything that involves dealing with other people.
I've also seen several counsellors and therapists but they haven't really understood the problem or been able to help much either.
The only thing that has helped was a benzodiazepine I was given to help me sleep which worked brilliantly for the anxiety. But they won't give it to me for long because they say it's addictive.
I'm not seeing anyone now because they have been so ineffective and because I live in a place where there's no NHS so you have to pay the full cost of drugs. I can't afford to waste more money on drugs that just give me headaches and do nothing else.
Can anyone recommend any drugs they've been given for anxiety that worked? Or any other supplements or practices that helped? I would be so grateful.

[nemofish]

Some people swear by the herb StJohn's wort. You can get it in tablets from most chemists / health food shops.

Also Bach flower remedies, reiki, acupuncture, learning to meditate - although I find that herbal stuff / homeopathy just doesn't work for me, but everyone is different. At this stage, if you have tried the 'usual' avenues, eg anti-d's / drug therapy and also had psychiactric input, a complementary therapy may well be able to help you where conventional medicine has been unable to. I am training to be a complementary therapist though, so I am biased!

I would agree with you though, I think depression and anxiety is a perfectly natural response. My own personal theory is the brain can only cope with so much pain and grief, when it reaches it's limit, you 'shut down' in order to protect yourself from being in a constant 'flight or fight' response. So you get to a place where everything is numbed and grey.

I was wondering if you may be an emotional empath - you may have become sensitive to emotions as a child, trying to figure out what form the abuse was going to take that day, and you may be 'plugging' in to other peoples' emotions, hence the agoraphobia.

Just a thought - try googling empaths.tribe.net

[nemofish]

I started a prescription of Propanolol today as I have reached a crisis point with feeling suicidal

Not sure how it feels yet. I know it's ironic given that I am meant to be into all things alternative health wise, but I am fecking useless at taking my own advice. I thought I was okay, but I think that I have been putting a brave face for everyone, including myself, but it has finally cracked.

However this has prompted me to take control, I am definitely going to try some techniques like EFT (emotional freedom technique, also known as the 'tapping therapy') and start facing up to things.

Do you feel that you are depressed? You could be suffering from PTSD, (post traumatic stress disorder) I did for several years and have only just identified what it was.

The emotional abuse and neglect is a real bugger. Lingers on even if you think it's gone, iykwim.

Don't give up though - there's no reason that things can't (eventually) change for the better.

Hark at me, the woman who is still fantasising about throwing herself under a bus

[arcadia96]

Hi Nemofish hope you are OK, remember you from talking about giving up nytol I think? I have just been given propanolol by the GP for anxiety, I find it takes the edge off the physical symptoms but can't imagine it's necessarily going to help you with suicidal feelings?

[quiddity]

Nemofish, thank you so much for answering especially as you are having such a rough time yourself at the moment. I hope your meds start working very soon.
I read up a bit about empaths--v interesting. Some of it sounds a bit woo, if I am using that word correctly, but some rang a bell.
I get this sort of cognitive dissonance sometimes when eg someone is saying something that sounds friendly or at least polite but I pick up some hostile vibe or I just feel they're a horrid person--anyway, that there's a gap between what they're saying and what I think they really feel.
Sometimes I've said that to other people and they go, 'No, she's a really nice person," or whatever and then I doubt myself. I am so messed up, easily frightened of people etc that I never know when or whether I can trust my instincts. Or whether I should overlook them and take their performance at face value or at least agree to go along with it.
Can propranolol be used long-term? No one has ever suggested it to me but it sounds like what I need. I am just so tired of having to struggle all the time, every single day, with things that other people can do without even having to think about it.

[nemofish]

yy quiddity it is quite woo. But being able to 'feel' the truth of what someone is saying is also pretty woo, and it is an interesting talent to have. Also from a non woo perspective, it could be that you are able to subconciously read 'micro expressions' on other peoples' faces - those tiny facial movements that people would normally miss. That and subtle body language, vocal tone, even cues like someones' smell! Either way, the effect / outcome is still the same.

arcadia96 I gave up the nytol for a while, and then started again. I use pretty high amounts atm in the evening / night. My idea is that I will reduce as the propanolol kicks in.