worried about my daughter

[kaylasmum]

Hi,

I have 21 year old daughter who suffers on and off with depression, i too have suffered depression and at the moment am being treated for PND. My DD has struggled to keep a job over the last five years and has had about 25 to date. She is currently working with disabled people as a carer but was signed off last week due to her depression. Her GP says that she thinks its genetic and that there does'nt seem to be any triggers, it just happens. She went through a spell where she was taking drugs and when she admitted this to me she promised that she would stop. That was about 8 weeks ago and i believe her when she tells me that she has'nt touched any since, but the problem seems to be alcohol now. She drinks when she is,nt working and says that she won't stop because she "loves it". Obviously this is making her more depressed.

I met up with her today and she was extremely tearful. It does'nt help that it will be the first anniversary of my dads death in a weeks time and she is still grieving a lot over him. I have tried so hard to support her but it gets really difficult at time as she has a very abrasive personality.

I really am at a loss as how best to help her.

Tracey.

[KateF]

Don't really know what to say kaylasmum but didn't want this to go unanswered. Depression is so difficult for the sufferer and their family. I have suffered on and off for years but luckily not been tempted to use drugs or alcohol to make things seem better. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring mum (mine just told me not to blame it on her!) and I really hope you can find the help you need. Could you try Mind or another patient support organisation (search on google)?

[kaylasmum]

Hi,

Things have just got worse concerning my daughter, she just walked out of her latest job. She has'nt been paying her rent and does'nt buy in any shopping. I am worried that she will spend even more time sitting in tne pub now. As i said before i do try to support her but to be honest i am getting to the end of my tether, i have 3 other kids also, a son of 19 who has depression also and has self harmed over the last 4 years. He is doing ok at the moment, a 14 year old daughter who's moods change every 2 seconds and a 2 year old who is very demanding. My eldest just seems to want everyone to do everything for her but i don't have the energy or time to keep giving her the attention that she expects.

I worry about where her life is heading, she continually says that she would prefer to be dead, its very difficult to hear your child saying that.

Tracey

[KateF]

Oh you poor thing! No wonder you're fed up. Can you get your daughter to go back to the doctor. It sounds as though she needs support from the community mental health team. There is only so much you can do, especially with all your other responsibilities.

[teddi7]

Hi kaylasmum

I agree with KateF. It must be very hard for you. You really sound as if you have got a lot to deal with, so maybe don't try to take on your daughter's illness too much or you will suffer too. She really does sound as if she needs help from mental health specialists - they will know about people using other things like drink and drugs to cope. What you say about her wanting everyone to do everything for her sounds familiar too - it's just wanting to give up and be looked after.
I am another on /off sufferer who also has family members who have had depression. It is really hard when someone close to you is ill - it feels as though they will pull you down with them. Are you getting enough support for your PND? The Association for Post Natal Illness were good when I had it - I will find their contact details for you if you would like them. I do not know what treatment you are having yourself but this all sounds too much for someone who is not depressed to deal with alone. Keep posting on MN if it helps. Thinking about you.

[kaylasmum]

Hi,

I am on citalopram at the moment for my PND and have been for the past year, i also see my CPN once a month. I have been feeling a lot better lately and am considering coming off my AD's. My daughter stayed with me for a couple of months as she had to leave her flat because of non-payment of rent. It was the worse 2 months ever, she would'nt do a thing in the house and we had to take our youngest back in to our room with us so that she could have a room. I had to continually ask her to keep the room tidy but she just would'nt do it and we argued all the time. It put a huge strain on the rest of the family.

Her boss at her last job told her that she should stop wallowing in self pity and that she had an attitude problem, which she most certainly does. I know it seem a bit harsh but i think people are just getting fed up with her as she does'nt even try to help herself. She does'nt take her medication properly and then when she does she drinks on top of it! Sometimes i think i should just turn my back on her because i have my other younger kids to think about but i know that i can't do that. I know she is depressed but she does spend a lot of time feeling sorry for herself.

Thanks for your concern, it helps to talk about it.

Tracey