Dealing with stress

[wineonafridaynight]

I have posted a little about this before in chat (so it would disappear quickly) and also in employment.

I have experienced a really difficult two months at work where I got given a written warning for poor performance, met core objectives set but they told me either I will resign or they sack me. I chose to resign due to the effect it was having on my mental and emotional health with all the stress.

The original written warning was never investigated/diciplinary procedures were not followed and when I appealed it was basically rejected and again no procedure was followed.

I feel now like I haven;t stuck up for myself and I am so, so angry at myself for it! I want to stick up for myself but the very thought of having any conversation with my employer makes me feel sick at the moment. I can't go to HR as the main lady there told me that maybe it was best that I had resigned considering the medication I'm on. :( I stupidly made the mistake of telling work that I had been given anti depressants and medication for panic attacks since this whole thing started as I was struggling to cope.

So Friday was the worst day so far. I was so angry at myself for not having stood up for myself yet felt unable to still, was full of self hatred all day and spent most the day in tears. I eventually emailed a snr manager to tell them I was going home sick at 4pm as my head was pounding and I was such a state.

Also since handing in my notice I have hardly got anything done at all because I'm finding it so difficult to focus.

I didn't want to go off sick but I feel like I can't go on. I feel so overwhelmed when at work and worry about work when I'm not there. When I am there i'm not achieving anything because I'm so stressed out and I'm making loads of mistakes because I can't focus. Then I end up full of self loathing because I'm being so useless at everything.

The thing is if I go off sick I am worried that work will turn even nastier than they have been so far. I didn't get a response to the fact I was going home on Friday and I'm sure they will be angry about that. I have three more weeks to get through - after that it has been agreed that they will pay me for the remainder of my notice period but I won't need to work. I'm worried that if I have any time off then they will make me work into that period.

I don't know what I want anyone to say but just needed to post to get some clarity or advice.

[wineonafridaynight]

If anyone has any opinions/advice/anything it would be much appreciated!

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

It sounds like a question of how much you can cope with. Ideally, you'd keep going at work until your notice expires, but if you can't manage the stress then you can't... and in any case, you're leaving anyway.

Have you got another job to go to?

[wineonafridaynight]

No. :( No other job to go to. I was very much pressured out and as I was under so much stress I gave in and went which is why I feel so angry at myself - I wish I was stronger and could have stood up for myself.

I have tried so hard but then it feels so pointless when I feel incapable of focussing. And when I can focus I have been criticised so much recently that it takes me twice as long to do anything.

I'm just so confused. I spent yesterday an absolute wreck - I have tried so hard not to think about it all today as I'm not there but it does pop into my head. I'm so at a loss as to how to get through the next few weeks.

[wineonafridaynight]

Oh and thank you so much for responding!

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Have you spoken to a solicitor about claiming constructive dismissal?

Legally, it's often a bit tenuous, but doing something assertive and proactive might help you feel more positive about the situation...

[madmouse]

I think you need to get some legal advice from an employment lawyer (I'm a lawyer but different area)

I think you need to seriously consider being signed off as this stress is making you ill.

I think that if you have some evidence of how you have been treated you stand a decent chance in front of an employment tribunal. Comments like it is better that you resign because of your meds are pretty fatal to a company - breaks a lot of rules!

The big question is though what do you need to do to take care of yourself right now!

[wineonafridaynight]

Thank you for the responses. They are so much appreciated.

Madmouse - The problem is I have evidence of the initial things - the way they didn't obey their own guidelines for disciplinaries (which are surely there to protect employees and employers) but the later stuff - them asking me to leave, the comments about being on the anti-d's, there is no proof of that. It was all spoken. That makes me think I don't have a leg to stand on.

I'm trying to be strong and go back in on Monday and tell them to their faces that I feel to weak to carry on there, but I was also trying to go in on Friday and stand up to myself and I couldn't.

Breastmik - you are right. Being assertive I think would help me but I can't bring myself to do it. I have such a negative opinion of myself that I seem to be struggling. Does that make sense?

[wineonafridaynight]

And how does it look when I apply for jobs and I have been signed off for stress?! It was this whole situation that has led to stress but how do I explain that to a future employer and make them believe I am capable? I know I was before.

I also know I'm still capable of my job - I know that somewhere deep down at the same time as telling myself that I;m a failure. I just one them significant business which will mount into £20k! I can't be all that bad! Surely. :(

[wineonafridaynight]

And then I suppose I'm also thinking that it is the situation in that place that is making me feel like this. If I'm at home or elsewhere, other than stressing to what I have to go back to, I'm happy. So is that stress or is it me bailing out of a situation? :(

Sorry for the multiple messages. I'm so confused in my head!

[madmouse]

The moment they tell you to resign or be sacked they cannot expect you to work your notice anymore - and I'm surprised they do. When I still managed staff if that would situation would have arisen it would have been pay in lieu of notice pronto same day.

[wineonafridaynight]

Thank you Madmouse. That is really helpful as I honestly don't know how I can be expected to or indeed how they would want me to as I am apparently so poor at my job! I always think the best of people and the worst of myself so assume it's my fault but then maybe I am not the one in the wrong. I don't know anymore.