i need help.

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

ive had an exceptionally bad year,

im 21, 22 in a few days, i have a ds 3 and dd who is 21mnths, my dp is 24.

my dp lost his job and increasing financial pressure caused us to be evicted, our ils offered us a house to rent which we took, moving 2hrs away from my family and where wed set up home,

a week after i moved my grandma who brought me up was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and the drugs and treatment have changed her personality so much, its impossible being around her.

my dp was in a car accident and wrote our car off.

then a few weeks later my baby brother was still born.

after staying at mums for 3weeks for insurance to pay out on a new car,
she begged me not to leave.

problem here is my mums new husband is actually an ex of mine, very uncomfortable, and my brother and sister 2 and 5 are also crammed into this tiny 3 bedroom, there are 8 of us here now.

i didnt, and ive been here 6mnths.

ils put the house up for sale.

im desperate to move back home for good, i need to be here.

we cant find any private landlords on houses we can afford that will accept hb.

i had an early miscarridge a few weeks ago and dp showed no emotion at all.

ive recently started spending large amounts of time on msn and with a good old friend, hes male and dp has issues about it but hes the only person listening to me.

dp was recently offered a job starting in jan just up the road from our current house, ie not in my 'home' town hes eager to move there and i said id think about it but realised i feel actual pain at the thought of going back there.


im swinging from one emotion to the other, my heart hurts, im running from all my responsibilities and being self destructive,
ive spent the whole evning ignoring my family to listen to music and talk to the friend i mentioned online. i feel sick from holding tears in as i cant let myself be weak as i think when i do ill loose all control.

im feeling selfish and irresponsible for wanting dp to turn down the job so i can come home and be skint, is my happiness more important, am i going crazy. i cant sleep until 2-3am every night and sleep until lunch, hes doing everything short of clothe me each day, i dont know what id do without him. im an appaling mum as i rarely see the kids now, when i do, i make sure we go to the park or get crafts out so they cant get bored and put pressure on me.

im rambling and making no sense and physically shaking finally saying all this.
i know this is not normal but i feel like im gonna fall apart.

[GetDownYouWillFall]

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns you sound like you have been through one crisis after another, what a tough time this has been

Is the housing office not obliged to give you somewhere to live? If you are on HB? Especially as you have young children and there is clearly not enough room at your mum's.

I don't blame you for wanting to reach out to someone who listens, but this "friendship" with this guy online doesn't sound very healthy to me. It will erode away at your relationship with your DP. And from what you describe, I don't think this is something you want. You need to be talking to him, confiding in him, making him listen when you need to talk. If you carry on investing in this other guy, well, I can see no good coming from it.

You do sound pretty depressed, TBH. Do yuo think you have depression? The not sleeping is a symptom, alsothe anxiety, mood swings, self destruction. Are you or have you been on anti-depressants? They could help you...

There are places that offer financial advice, they may help you to re-prioritise the finances you do have. Go on your local council website and search "debt advice".

I think it would be crazy for your DP to turn down a job, in your current circumstances. If he gets a job you are nearer to moving out. Ok, it might not be exactly where you want to live right now, but one step at a time.

Sorry you are in a bad way. I do hope things start improving soon for you xx

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

thanks for the reply getdown,


the guy i speak to online is a friend ive known since i was little and dp knows him too, he is a family friend not a stranger.

the council apparently dont have to home us as we made ourselves homeless leaving our original house which was housing association.

ive been on anti depressants when i was younger, but came off them before i had the children,

would a doctors appointment help, im scared considering our circumstances if i admit im feeling so unbalanced ss would become involved, right now im probably not a fit mother but my children are my world, and i darent do anything to risk them.

despite it all they are extremely happy living at grandmas, one of the few positives.


thanks again for the reply

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Oh, JJ. I remember you from other threads, and I knew you were having a hard time of things, but I didn't know about your recent mc. I'm so sorry.

You do sound depressed. Staying up till the wee hours and getting up at noon is a fairly classic sign.

Look, I'm not an expert, but your children are safe and fed and clothed and housed (and to the extent that it's crowded, it's not your fault) and of course they have their father home fulltime recently - nobody is going to take your children away, they're not at risk, they have two parents and a grandparent there for them, that's a lot more than most children! And going to see a doctor shows that you're very keen to do the best you can.

I would talk to your GP first off, and I know it's hard but you've had such an awful time, no wonder you're struggling. Talk to your GP, and see if they have any suggestions. ADs are probably a good idea, at least temporarily.

I do hope you get some help. FWIW, I've always thought you're very strong in the face of such a hard year.

[GetDownYouWillFall]

I think if you need help it shows maturity to go and get help. IME refusing help or to go to the GP arouses more suspicion with SS. When I had PND I had a visit from the social worker but I was totally up front and honest, they were totally satisfied that my DD was not at risk.

As tortoise says, with all that support at home, I doubt you will have anything to worry about.

I think perhaps you need to consider the ADs, just tell yourself it's not forever, just until you get through this rough patch.

Regarding your online friend, if your DP doesn't like it, and you yourself recognise you are spending too much time on MSN chatting to him, you need to cut back. It will drive a wedge between you and your DP. You don't need another crisis in your life right now.

xx

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

thanks for the advice getdown and tortoise.

today ive felt alot better since getting up late as usual, been busy with the kids and did some cooking, i feel alot better for it.

had a brief chat with dp about my friend, and he sayes aslong as im not telling him things i wouldnt tell him, then hes fine, he talks to his sister to let off steam as i do my friend, tbh mainly we talk music tv and stuff, just anything that isnt about me/kids/life and so on. have cut it down already and turned my phone off to resist it.

i intend to ring the go first thing, im more than happy to try ads, anything to get me some motivation and stop feeling like this.

thanks again x

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Hope you're feeling alright this morning, Jj. Do you want nagging to ring the GP?