I am so very down and angry - please help

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

I was feeling ok until my mother came home and started on at me saying I had been in bed all day. I had not. I got up at 8 o clock and been cleaning because her cigarette ash gets everywhere and she never tidies up at the back of herself. Well, this just set me off on one and I started really throwing things around the kitchen. I suffer from severe depression and she says I can help whether or not i'm moody (I really cannot) and so was saying that I should just snap out of it too. I just got so angry and feel so pissed off and down and I just started crying uncontrolably and am still doing now. I am so angry too. Have just thrown things across the kitchen in my rage. I so need help. She is going on holiday next week and I said I hope the plane crashes. I just almost took some pills. I think about suicide every day. I'm on AD's but they're not helping yet. Please someone help. I'm desperate now.

[emmatom]

Just to let you know someone is here listening. Where is your mum now?

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

she is downstairs. I tried to apologise for my feeling so low and explained I couldnt help it but she said I could help it and told me to go away. I just flopped on my bed crying and I cant seem to stop.

[emmatom]

You're obviously very, very depressed. Could you please ring the Samaritans now. They have so much experience in helping someone in positions like yours.

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

I rang them once before but I just felt silly and I cant call them while my mum is around. I just cant see what the point in living is. You go to work all your life, i'll probably always be poor, I have my mother constantly putting me down because of my weight and she calls me a fat cow. I'm so exhausted with living.

[emmatom]

I'm assuming you have children. are they with you and safe now?

I can understand you feel exhausted with living - that is what the depression is making you feel. You have an illness my friend and you are taking steps with the medication to deal with it. Give them a chance to kick in.

Do you have any coping strategies you can use to get you through these really bad times, ie. going for a walk round the block/park/sleeping, whatever.

Take each hour at a time. Please don't do anything to yourself. Who cares if you're fat, thin, pink with purple spots. It's what's inside that matters and I'm sure you are a good person. Your illness is just distorting everything for you.

I take it you and your mum don't get on generally? Does she really know how bad you are feeling?

[WigWamBam]

If you can't talk to the Samaritans, you can email them for help here . You won't get an immediate response, though.

I really think you need to go back to the GP and explain that the ads aren't working. You may need to increase the dose or change the type of medication. I also think you need to outline to the GP that you are feeling suicidal as well as depressed, as there may be something else that he can do for you if he knows the full extent of the depression.

Depression is very hard to understand for those who haven't experienced it, which doesn't excuse your mother's attitude but perhaps explains it. Maybe she go with you to the GPs and he can help to explain it to her as well.

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

thanks for your help emmatom. its so lovely to know there is someone out there who cares. my mum and i dont really get on. I'm going to try to go for a walk to calm down now. Thanks again for your help. I really appreciate it x

[emmatom]

Please go for your walk, get through today and as WigWam suggested, go back to your GP for more advice as soon as you can.

Don't feel silly talking to the Samaritans please. If you feel bad again later, they will be there to off load to, as will people on here.

Take care.

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

Thanks to you too wwb. I will email them I definately cannot cope like this anymore it makes me into such a monster, i'm such an horrible person like this.

[WigWamBam]

Depression does that. It can make you angry and irritable as well as very down, and sometimes the ads can cause that as well. It should settle down once you have found the right treatment.

Walking is good, exercise can help with the depressive feelings, and gives you both time to calm down.

As emmatom said, there's always someone here who will listen, even if they can't help. Do try the Samaritans as well, particularly if you get to the stage where you're seriously thinking of suicide.

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

THats great thanks WWB. I did speak to a nice lady on the samaritans before but I felt silly and cried so the email is a great idea.

I really dont want to be this person anymore. I'm so horrible and always seem to be getting myself into bother with my nasty ways. I just want to get out of it and be a nice person who can't wait to start another day. I do feel much better now thanks WWB and emmatom.

[WigWamBam]

It's the depression that's horrible, not the person who suffers with it. There's a huge difference. And part of the problem is that other people don't understand. I think you've posted about problems with your mother before, and she sounds quite an unsypathetic person - maybe that's half the problem too.

[SuperstarInTheGhetto]

I suppose I just need to get out asap and hopefully I will feel better within myself and everything will improve. Going for a walk now. Thanks again wwb x