Obsessing over things, being controlling and getting stressed easily???

[newstart2010]

I have recently got back with dp, we have had alot of problems in the past with him and other women. And now I am obsessing over everything he does. Checking his phone and facebook, and not trusting him atall. He works late on the weekend and when he comes in I feel I have to stay up to see what time he comes in. He went out for a night out and came in at 5am and I was saying he was sleeping with someone.

I spend alot of time talking to him about how I feel, he admits he was wrong concerning the other women and says he will change his behaviour.

But since being back together he has:

1. Flirted with someone he was sleeping with when we were not together
2. Spoke to a woman work related about problems in her life which involved her talking about F**king and one night stands (which I thought she was talking about having one with him, but he assures me that is not the case)
3. Got in contact with an ex from many years ago throught facebook, after agreeing we would not be in contact with exes.

So he does not change his behaviour, and I am left obsessing over him.

I am driving myself, dp and dd mad with this and have spent days and days arguing with him.

When we were together before I had dd any problem I would run away and not deal with it. So now I am trying to deal with problems but feel it is all too much with me and it takes over my life.

I have been acting very irrational and obsessive, do you think there could be a problem with me?

I also get stressed very easily and flip out when things are not going well for me.

Help I'm starting to feel like I'm loosing my mind. I also feel like I need an outlet when I feel this way like drinking or smoking, but stopped smoking a while ago so cant do that but really want to.

[willsurvivethis]

If he has been unfaithful (and that doesn't have to involve intercourse) it will take a long time (years) to rebuild trust. And that is with his co-operation so give yourself some grace for how you are feeling. It's normal in the circumstances. what is tempting to say from a distance is that maybe some of what you see is flirting is actually not happening. But for all I know all of it is.

How about Relate? For the sake of your dd if nothing else?

[newstart2010]

I really want to go to relate or other counselling and dp has said he does too, but money is tight and think £45 per session is alot. But think that is what is needed.

I dont think I will ever trust him as he keeps telling me what he thinks I want to hear.

I know he is wrong in what he is doing, but I am more worried about the way I am reacting to it all, and what it is doing to my mind, and how I am treating my dd, as I know it will affect her

[willsurvivethis]

I'm sure it will be hard to find £45 per session but it sounds necessary...

[newstart2010]

re him flirting with someone he slept with, i saw it on his computer so it did defintly happen.

[willsurvivethis]

I believe you hun

Just that sometimes when trust is shot everything because flirting.

[newstart2010]

Lol - he was arranging to meet up with her and asking her to send him some sexy pictures. So defintly was flirting.

But I know what you mean, as the situation with the work woman may not have been dirty and seedy and I took it the wrong way. And I know i do this alot.

[newstart2010]

I was seeing a counsellor alone before and spoke to her alot, I will be seeing her again in sept.

But cannot speak to friedns or family as they have heard it all before and will tell me I am being stupid and should leave him. Normally I would leave him, but I have realised that I really really want to make this work and want to stick around to see if things can change, instead of running away as normal...

[willsurvivethis]

newstart that's not flirting that's being unfaithful

If he thinks that's normal I can see why your family wants you to leave him

[newstart2010]

he knows its not normal, he says sorry, he wont do it again etc, but the only reason I found out about it is because I was snooping through his computer.

Then after that he made friends with a girl he had been seeing ages before we were together. So although he says he wont do things, he will. His word is not very solid.