Male Menopause?

(9 Posts)
elizadolittlechoc Sat 07-Jun-14 11:39:28

t's been six months and quite a struggle... for me and the kids. DH decided he needed to follow 5:2 as he has v slight paunch and 2 inches increase in 20 years in the waistline. He has stuck it and we are suffering. He's miserable, gets headaches, short-temper and shows off about it at the dinner table about it in front of our teens and their friends. We have always been "everything in moderation" family. It has destroyed family meal times (I refuse to calorie count for him-my mother dieted her whole life, was depressed and died young-he buys diet ready meals which we just don't do in our families preferring healthy cook from scratch).It doesn't matter that we have argued there is no scientific proof to back up the long term health benefits and bloody 'Dr' Mosely himself didn't stick to it, but has made shedloads of money from the book. Today he was getting ready for work and I could have cried; his ribs are showing and stomach caved in. It's as if all our common ideals have deserted him and I am comfort eating to cope....

Fairenuff Sat 07-Jun-14 11:44:01

Why do you think this is a symptom of male menopause. If he wants to eat 5:2 why shouldn't he?

AuntieStella Sat 07-Jun-14 11:47:02

It's the male menupause, I think, with this choice of diet.

<I'll get my coat>

Fairenuff Sat 07-Jun-14 11:53:18

So, all the women doing 5:2 dieting are menopausal are they? confused

What about my 72 year old fil, he does 5:2 before his holidays every year and after he returns. Isn't he a bit old for male menopause?

elizadolittlechoc Sat 07-Jun-14 12:01:41

The 'Male menopause' was a question. I think this diet is unusually popular with men, who wouldn't consider dieting at all because of the claimed 'prevent alzheimers', which we will have to wait another 40 years in controlled scientific investigations to find out. Just wondered if other mumsnetters had same experience
Why shouldn't he? Well, for the very reasons I have outlined above.

Fairenuff Sat 07-Jun-14 12:08:29

From your OP it sounds like you have what you believe is the best diet for your family, which is great. However, your dh, as an adult, gets to choose his own diet. As long as he doesn't expect you to go out of your way to accommodate him.

I'm not sure what it is that you have against it, other than he is doing something that you don't personally agree with. If his behaviour is a cause for concern, you do need to talk to him about it. He can have side effects from his diet (that's normal and acceptable) but he can't behave miserably towards his family because of it (that's unacceptable).

You need to discuss it with him whilst understanding and accepting that it is his choice.

For example - he buys diet ready meals which we just don't do in our families preferring healthy cook from scratch - are the ready meals for him or does he expect the whole family to eat them? I would just get on and make the family meal as usual and let him sort himself a ready meal, or whatever, if that's what he prefers. Where is the problem with that, I don't see it?

elizadolittlechoc Sat 07-Jun-14 15:57:30

I agree if he wants to diet and he sorts his own food that's his choice. I also think 5:2 is a great short term diet to lose a few pounds before a holiday. My issue is that we have 3 teenagers and lots of teen visitors who sit at dinner with us and I am uncomfortable about giving mixed messages about food and dieting. My husband looks ill and he wants to stick it out for ever! We have open discussions all the time with and without kids and he won't budge, based on Moseley's scientific theory about long term benefits which clearly are making look ill after 7 months.NTW Mosely gave it up because 'his wife thought he looked too thin'.

Fairenuff Sat 07-Jun-14 20:14:36

I think you will have to agree to disagree.

You cannot force him to eat what you want him to eat and it could be considered controlling to try and make him. If you are worried about his health, ask him to go to the gp for a check up.

You said in your OP that you are now comfort eating, so your diet may not be quite as healthy as you think it is. That will also send mixed messages to teenagers.

Your DH was rightly worried that a bigger waist increased his risk of several nasty diseases.

So, he is now much slimmer with a flat tum. Usually good news.
Has he really lost too much or too quickly, or are you just used to / happier seeing an overweight DH ?
Is he under BMI 20 or under 18.5 ? That's important to check.
Maybe he now needs to go to the maintenance phase or even regain a little. Or maybe he is doing just fine.

Anyway, you refused to enable this change, so he chose to buy ready meals.
It's obviously important to him. If someone chose to go vegan, that might also disrupt family meal plans, but it would be wrong to oppose it.

The short temp and aggravation on Fast Days is natural if he feels you are trying to force him to eat food he doesn't want.
Equally, if he is nagging anyone to join him, that is also not ok.

Sounds like he is more anxious about health consequences of being overweight - and maybe even worried if you or the DCs are too ? - and you are worried about DCs seeing calorie counting. So you would also be worried about a standard diet of counting every day.

Most 5:2 mums just cook the same thing for all the family, then have a moderate (calorie counted) portion of the protein and veg, without the starches or pud. Their families don't seem to row over this.
Could this system work for you ?

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