DH says I not supportive in his 5:2 diet - any other couples struggling to strike a balance?

(21 Posts)
BsshBossh Thu 01-Aug-13 10:29:23

I think about my DD - how she takes out her frustrations on me because she knows I'll not ever leave her, that I'm always there for her, yet she's good as gold at school (the model pupil). DH and I sometimes do the same - take our frustrations out on each other because our relationship is rock solid and we know we won't permanently storm out. I think it's human nature. The key is that we're adults and need to be mindful that it's unfair on the other person, and to always say Sorry.

my parents aren't 5:2ing but are calorie restricting. my father has a lot of weight to lose (was morbidly obese) due mainly to shoving his face in food whenever he can find it. he now has a reason to diet and has done well, and is just in the obese category.

my mother has recently tipped into obese due to bloat from the drugs she's on. she never ate that much, but wasn't always healthy. her specialists have told her she really has 2 options, eat well and healthily but give into the fact the pills will keep her heavy, or diet for eternity. she's sticking well to calorie restriction but obviously the weight loss with her is exceptionally slow.

dad has now hit plateaux. this has resulted in him having a shout at her for 'not even trying'. and then an entire argument ensuing about how I was managing to lose weight without my partner being on a diet at all and how his weight was never her responsibility in the first place as she wasn't the one shoving crisps and chocolate in his mouth (honestly, she refused to have it in the house - he'd go out and buy it).

what is it with some people? they need a hand to hold and then blame others when they fail.

Talkinpeace Wed 31-Jul-13 17:59:01

Have the same evening meal as him but bigger and with bread?

Greedygirl Wed 31-Jul-13 17:52:24

Talkinpeace - the thing is I have decided not to fast and that is the cause of the conflict. On reflection it should be easy enough to support him by eating the same evening meal. But if I had chosen to fast I wouldn't expect him to do it unless he wanted to...

Greedygirl Wed 31-Jul-13 17:46:46

Grimma - yes I saw that! Made me laugh. Dealing with it in reality is less funny.

Talkinpeace Wed 31-Jul-13 17:27:59

The thing with intermittent fasting is that it is a way of eating that has long term health impacts.
That fact that overweight people tend to lose weight on it is a side effect, not the real reason.

I am not losing weight, but I still fast because I want to reduce my long term risk of
- stroke
- diabetes
- heart attack
- alzheimers
- digestive tract problems

DH is fasting for the same reason and not losing weight because he eats too much chocolate on non fasting days.

OP
You and your DH need to sit down and chat about the reasons why you are fasting.
Then you can agree on menu options that make meals a pleasure rather than a battle.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 17:17:40

In this week's Saturday Times mag Caitlin Moran's piece was all about how to deal with people doing 5:2 - apparently we make life hell for everyone else (I'm sure I don't, honest!)

Greedygirl Wed 31-Jul-13 08:06:13

Thanks for all the replies. I agree that DH is being unreasonable (but it was a fast daygrin). I also agree it would be supportive to have the same evening meal so I am going to try that. He has been doing 5:2 for around 6 weeks and has lost around 4lbs. He has started to exercise more in addition to fasting and I think that will help. But mostly I was just annoyed to be made to feel responsible for his perceived failure! Grumpy old git!

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 07:46:35

OP - I wasn't really losing much weight just doing 5:2 (that wasn't my primary motivation for doing it) - but I have shed half a stone last month by also doing the Shred. Is your DH doing regular exercise? If not, that might help him - it might or might not be something you could do together.

mayaswell Wed 31-Jul-13 07:45:37

Actually come to think of it DH's get a whole 100 cals extra to play with! What's WRONG with them!!!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 31-Jul-13 03:09:44

Greedy, my DH and I started together and now he's stopped. At first he said he'd maybe just have a substantial lunch (we fast on workdays, so that's out of sight for me anyway) and join me for dinner - which I calculate around the 300-350cal mark, so fairly substantial in itself. Then he added in some toast for breakfast. Then he added in an after-dinner snack ("but it's fruit, it's healthy") and last week I came downstairs from an evening shower to find him making toast and looking guilty about it.

It makes no difference to me, honestly. I'm plateauing at the moment, but that's because of my issues on NFDs, and it's too wet and cold and dark to get out for a run (I'm in Australia). But it's nothing to do with DH!

Either your DH is cheating on FDs - in which case, that's his issue - or he isn't, in which case his plateau is nothing to do with what you eat.

All of that said, though, why don't you eat the same thing for dinner? Could you try that and it might help?

GrimmaTheNome Tue 30-Jul-13 21:34:50

Justa - it's nothing to do with Ramadan. I don't know what edt stands for... anyway, the idea is simple. 500 cals a day for any two days of the week, eat normally the rest of the time. So most of the time you're not 'dieting' and hence its slow, sustainable weight loss. It's also reckoned to be good for your body chemistry. I started it because I'd had a rather high blood glucose measurement which bothered me - this seems to have helped. smile

BsshBossh Tue 30-Jul-13 20:49:01

monster smile

monster54 Tue 30-Jul-13 20:41:57

My DH is same bsshh cooks some lovely FD dinners for me. He always texts at home time asking how many calories I have left!!! Swwooooonnn he's a babe!!!

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 19:33:57

What is 5:2 I've heard this mentioned on a few threads. Is it the last edt diet fad? What do you mean by fasting are you guys fasting with muslim friends for ramadhan? I'm fasting btw and its not meant to be for weight loss about 10 days to go and 30 fasts are complete.

BsshBossh Tue 30-Jul-13 19:32:51

Forgot to add, we both eat the same dinner on fast days though. I like it cause it normalises what I'm doing. DH often cooks dinners and is mindful of my fast days, which I find very sweet and supportive.

BsshBossh Tue 30-Jul-13 19:29:39

I think he's being unfair on you too. My DH fasts with me on Mondays for the health benefits only but doesn't limit himself to 500 cals at dinner - he simply eats a bigger portion of what we're both having and an extra side or pudding. He doesn't fast at all on Thursday, unlike me. But I certainly don't hold him responsibe for failing to lose weight a particular week.

monster54 Tue 30-Jul-13 15:56:14

My DH is tiny on FD he has the same dinner as me with some added extras. Usually a form of carb.

I don't resent him for it as I am overweight and he isn't!!!

I don't think it's fair that he's taking it out on you. But then I hold myself personally responsible for my own weight it's no one elses problem but mine!!

GrimmaTheNome Tue 30-Jul-13 14:53:59

Its really up to him if he wants to do it. Maybe you could try having the same meal as him on his FDs but either having a bigger lunch (out of his sight) or have something else after.

I don't have too much sympathy with him, I'm doing 5:2, DH isn't and I still make his dinner for him. Because its my choice and my responsibility.

mayaswell Tue 30-Jul-13 14:46:12

I am sympathetic, my DH and I are doing it and he's doing ok, but isn't really losing weight very quickly. Neither am I but I think it's got so many benefits other than weightloss I can cope with that.

Why is your DH doing it? In my view you can only change your eating habits if your head isin the right place. Have a talk, not on a fast day, and sort out his motivation.

The whole point is finding what works and enjoying the benefits. Easier said than done, obviously.

Greedygirl Tue 30-Jul-13 06:51:13

We started the 5:2 together but it wasn't for me so I stopped (ignore my OP name btw, that was when I was bfing years ago!) I said I would still have a low cal meal with him on the nights when he was fasting. He is struggling now and hasn't had the results he hoped for and last night it all came to a head and he blamed me for it not working!! Tbh I haven't been having the same meal as him but usually something quick like beans on toast. He said if I was still doing it he would find it easier. I am very annoyed (a) it was his idea and (b) I am quite happy as I am - doing the 5:2 briefly did make me cut back in general and I am running 3 times a week at the moment.

Anyone else having this issue? Apart from last night he is generally grumpy and resentful on the fasting days and its doing my head in!

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