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Abortion, im so scared(274 Posts)
I just found out last weekend that im pregnant and I can't/don't want this baby .I am 34 and have 3 kids already ages 15, 12&7.
im having such bad anxiety about what is to come.i have seen gp and got the ball rolling and have an appointment for a dating scan and chat with a doctor/counsellor? this Thursday , im so scared of the scan what if I see the baby and change my mind ? even though every fibre in my body doesn't want to keep it.
what procedures will they offer me ? I must be put to sleep I will have a panic attack otherwise.
I also want to be sterilised at the same time, will that be possible ?
if any of you have experienced abortion please could you advise me of what is to come.
I think im about 7 weeks
I can't help a lot but am bumping for you. The counsellor will have a lot of experience with your kind of situation and is there to do everything they can to help you make the right decisions for you and to support you through the process. Thinking of you.
You won't have to look at the scan. If you are under 9 weeks it's called a medical termination where you get one pill orally then 4 inserted vaginally in the clinic within a few days. That induces bleeding, quite heavy, to pass the pregnancy. You might be able to go home or given the chance to stay in for a few hours until it passes.
Over 9 weeks is a procedure under General anaesthetic.
You can talk through your decision, they won't try to change your mind
They will discuss long term contraception. Because it is likely that you won't get put under for the procedure you might have to arrange that for another time.
I really can't do the pill option im terrified of the pain.so if im 7 weeks then does it mean I can wait until im past 9 weeks so I can have a general ?
You manage the pain, they will make sure you have ample pain killers. Your best bet is really go to your appointment and voice your fears with them. They will talk you through the options.
Oh op. I really feel for you...
Go to the appointment on Thursday & tell then how scared you are. They deal with this every day. They will be able to put everything in context for you.
If you weren't worried it would be unusual. You've made your decision. Its the right decision for you. This is difficult but you will get through this horrible time.
Take care of yourself.
When I went through it recently my reasoning was I had already made the decision not to have a baby when I used contraception. That failed. This was just the next step in that process
ilethimkeep20quid which option did you take if you dont mind my asking?
Didn't want to read and run, hope you get the help you need OP x
The pills. I tested on the Saturday went to the doctor on the Monday had my appointment with the clinic on the Wednesday where I was scanned and dated (7 weeks) and discussed the options. I took the tablet orally then went back on the Friday and had the 4 pills inserted vaginally. I choose to go home but could only do so as my husband was with me. They need to know you have support at home. They also gave me an antibiotic and some paracetamol before I left.
I went straight home. They also advised me to get in paracetamol and ibuprofen and supplied me with dihydrocodine with instructions to keep my painkillers topped up and to take the dhyhydrocodine if I felt any pain in between.
After an hour I started cramping. I just set up camp in bed and went to the loo every so often. I think I felt it pass quite quickly, maybe 45 minutes after the cramping. It was a strange feeling. I didn't check the toilet, you don't have to. You just kind of know. I was cramping for the rest of that day, from about 11am to 6pm and you do bleed heavily. I only had to take one dose of extra pain relief. It was like a heavy sore period. Not pleasant but manageable.
The next day I was up and about, taking paracetamol if needed but still taking it easy.
I'm a week after now. Still bleeding but it is trailing off. Not in pain.
They don't show you the scan.
I went to the clinic when I was almost six weeks. I turned down the pill and went for the other option which is a small procedure where they (sorry) insert a little suction tube through your cervix. You can have it done under light sedation or without. I chose without. It lasted about a minute, was uncomfortable rather than painful. Bleeding started straight away. Had a big crash afterwards, lots of guilt and sadness but a lot of that is related to the hormones. It was two years ago and I regret being in that situation but I am not unhappy about the choice that I made. I couldn't cope with another child and had taken measures to avoid having one, which had failed.
I'm sorry you are in that situation too, OP, I hope you have some support through this. X
thankyou for your help and advice. I feel a bit more positive now.
Would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't having morning sickness and sore boobs
makes it so real
It really is a shitty situation by but you will come through the other side. X
feel so nauseous today and my boobs are so sore
told my older sister today and she asked me to take my time to decide but I told her there is no part of me that wants this baby.
she asked if she could have it
that wasn't very helpful.
Hang on in there. It won't be long and it'll be over for you x
I know this sounds strange but whenever I go to the toilet I keep hoping there will be blood and that I will miscarry (sorry if that sounds so awful)
I just need to be over this.
why do the NHS make you wait so long ?
I will be about 8-9 before I get my op date.
You'll be surprised how quick they book you in. My health auth had me in within 3 days, though it was a few yrs ago. Won't be long x
It's not strange, its natural because it would take the decision out of your hands.
The NHS takes so long because they often only do the procedures on certain days and the cynic in me thinks that the NHS think that if they leave people long enough there is a higher chance that they will change their mind, become attached etc.
I had it done at Marie Stopes five days after I saw my GP for the first time. I don't know why but I didn't pay for it either, I think my GP service did as the doctor gave me a little slip which I handed over to the MS receptionists. I was offered the NHS service too, but that would have taken four weeks to get the appointment. It would have been £800 to pay privately.
Forgot to add, I can imagine how hard it was, it was hard enough to wait the few days I had to, let alone weeks.
Just distract yourself, stay strong and be kind to yourself. It will all be over soon x
I felt the same
My turnaround was really quick. It seems your initial appoinment has taken some time, be prepared for things to move quickly after you've had that.
so when do you think I will get the op date after my scan this Thursday ? it wouldn't be over the weekend would it?
I'm guessing every health board is different but I was in the next day, so seen the Thursday and in for the pills on the Friday. I was worried about the timings as well, once I knew I felt a lot better.
but as the pill option scares the life out of me it will take longer ?
I want to curl up in a ball until it's all over
I found out I was pregnant with number 3 after failed MAP and I had no doubts at all that I wanted a termination. I took the easiest option for me and had a suction removal of pregnancy under GA and a mirena inserted at the same time.
The scan at 5 weeks was not shown to me and was the hardest bit as I had very fond memories of my previous (wanted) scans. I opted for the surgical option as I was too much if a wimp to have the tablet and be in pain and have the potential to see it. I thought having it done under GA would be best as I would not be aware of it iyswim? Woke up a bit tearful after but can honestly say I have never ever regretted my decision. HTH and best wishes in whatever you decide x
It was all over by 6weeks gestation and done via NHS btw
thankyou for that .im sure i won't regret it.bug Nether the less it will be hard emotionally.
I don't want my dh there , my little sister will come with me .
is that weird. I geuss I feel angry at him even though it took two.
How are you doing today Wendy?
im ok apart from a stinking cold. have my dating scan tomorrow so will let you know how I get on.
Thanks for asking
Morning Wendy hope that it all goes well today, will be thinking of you
so it didn't quite go the way I thought.
they couldn't get a good look from scanning my tummy so I had to have an internal scan .they found me to be just five weeks so because I wanted the surgery option I will now have to wait another four weeks
im so upset and I cant work out my dates I was sure I was further on my last period was on the 20th Sept? ??
anyway im booked in for the 6th of December.
I was told I was too overweight to have it done in the day surgery unit so I have to go to the main hospital.
I asked if I could be sterilised and again was told I was too overweight so I came out completely humiliated
I'm so sorry love, that's horrible.
Did you discuss the pill method and your concerns around it? Could they not offer you that plus some Valium or something?
Oh you poor thing. Can you go back to GP and ask for nhs referral to marie stopes clinic? They should be able to see you before 4 weeks. Really feel for you x
Hi OP you can self refer to Marie Stopes and it still goes through the NHS without you needing a referral, you just give them a ring and you can have your entire consultation over the phone. I considered a termination recently and was given the surgical option as long as I was over 5 weeks with Marie Stopes, it included sedation.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I had the vacuum aspiration method at 6 weeks. I was given IV sedation. Cramping and bleeding continued for me for about a week. Interestingly, my intense pregnancy symptoms disappeared almost immediately.
The entire procedure was about 20 minutes. I was at the clinc for about three hours time. I went home afterward and slept for the rest of the day. I booked two more days off after that.
I will be thinking about you..
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Hugs.
OP can you not afford to go private. Someone close to me took surgical option at 6wks. They were booked in 2 days after consultation. She has no regrets but felt 2 days was a long wait. Really not up to date with NHS in this regard but think 4 weeks is a long wait.
Wondering, my apologies. I completely missed your post where you said you had to until Dec.6th. My heart goes to you. I would have felt humiliated too. Trying to cope with an unwanted pregnancy and being told you do not meet weight requirements for day surgery feels soul destroying.
I wish there was a way for you to go private. You have not said if that is an option for you?
there is no way we could afford to go private we have three kids to provide for and Christmas is coming and I haven't brought anything yet
Dang. So you must wait until the Dec.6th. So, you do have a solid date for the procedure. I know that one month is going to feel like eons to you. What are some things you can do to distract yourself in the mean time? Can you begin making your Christmas plans? Sorting yourself out for the holidays? I know pregnancy symptoms can make you feel tired, sick and overwhelmed. Can your DP take over a great amount of responsibility so you can rest?
I know you are feeling very frightened and disappointed about the delay in your appointment. Please know many of us have been through this situation. We will try to support you in whatever way you need..xx
Yes OP please keep coming back to the thread if you need support.
I personally would go back to GP to see if there is any chance of an earlier appointment at a different hospital or clinic. You would have to have another consultation but the type of abortion you want is available from 7wks on NHS so your wait must be down to waiting time at that hospital.
Can't do any harm to ask Gp anyway.
feeling so exhausted with the whole thing , physically and mentally.
cant believe I have to wait another four weeks.
four weeks of tiredness, sickness, sore boobs and a mega spotty face and chest and its all for nothing.
I didn't anticipate that I was only five weeks.
it will be fine. I had an abortion under general, although it was 20 years ago, and i was in and out the same day and never regretted it. Dont feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
The wait for the procedure is hard. Is there any way you can scrape the money together to get it done quicker??
none of my family have that kind if money either, we have bad credit too
can ypu tell me your experiences of the medical option. it terrifies me but im not sure I can wait another four weeks
I had surgical method about 30 yrs ago; GA does wipe you out a bit
No experience of medical method
Discuss it with drs as much as you need
Sorry it's so shitty now, but you will be OK
Is it worth ringing up Marie Stopes or similar and asking whether you can self refer and either have it paid for by the NHS or in small monthly instalments? Or go back to the GP and lay it on thick about how this is making you feel and see what they can do. I went through Marie Stopes three years ago and paid nothing, I had a little slip from my GP, not even signed or anything. I have no idea how that worked, but if you could get that too then you could get it out the way sooner.
Four weeks is outrageous.
I had the medical method 2 weeks ago. There was pain from cramping but manageable and over that day. Bled for a week.
how many weeks were you ?
I think I went into more detail up thread.
been having period type pains today .maybe im miscarring or is that normal in early pregnancy?
I kept thinking I was getting cramps but to be honest I think it was me clinging on to hope that I wasn't actually pregnant
knowing me its probably just wind !
I had a medical one. Bled, then v v bad pain for an hour before I passed the sac. Bled for about 10 days heavily and then lightly for a bit longer
that sounds awful. I know myself that it would be really distressing.
can I ask would you have rather had the surgical option?
The only distressing bit I promise was the pain. It hurt. But (tmi) I felt like I needed the toilet and when I went and pushed, and it came away the pain instantly stopped
I have heavy periods anyway so the bleeding wasn't too scary. I used the old fashioned type thick maxi pads
I think surgical would have terrified me, I've never had sedation or anaesthetic
oh hell my 12yr old dd just asked me for a baby sister
do you think she has figured it out ?
I'm sure she hasn't, it's just something children say.
Huge hugs x
dd keeps patting my tummy and saying your getting fat , ive also been sleepy every day so when I try to have a nap she demands to know why im pretty sure she has geussed and its only going to get worse.
I feel like chopping my boobs off they are THAT sore.
I wasn't offered any counselling when I made my decision to terminate , was I meant to?
the consultant didn't even ask me my reasoning behind it .I kind of wanted to discuss how hard it would be for me and my family.
I don't know about counselling, but it sounds like a good idea.
Big hugs to you lovely xxx
I have just been to the dentist with my three kids.had to fill out a form and one of the questions that was on there was are you pregnant so I ticked yes.kids all seen by dentist then it was my turn .she read my form and announced to the room oh your pregnant. omg I could of died.i should of put no. I wriggled out of it by saying she must of read it wrong.
and to top that off I went to pay for my check up and because I said I was pregnant I didn't have to pay so kids wanted to know how I got it free.cue another crap story from me about over paying last time.
I royally fucked up
I can completely understand why you have made this decision and it is your choice, absolutely and utterly. I had a termination in my mid twenties as the father was not going to be involved and I could simply not go it alone and I was frightened. My Mum had been a single parent and I knew I was not strong enough at the time to do what she had done. Anyway, I had a surgical procedure at Marie Stopes under anaesthetic at 9 weeks. It felt like a conveyer belt system of one woman in and another woman out and I remember waking up in a room with other women in discomfort, a pain more felt in my bottom area oddly. There was a lot of bleeding. It was not a nice experience. I just wanted to say that whilst some ladies manage their emotions well after a termination and feel relief, I did not. I still feel guilt and regret to this day, it has not been easy. I don't want to make you feel any worse but pls really, really know 100% this is what you want as there is no going back afterwards. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide x
RTFT Lottystar - OP has made her decision & now needs support, not handwringing reminiscences
I know that this is the right thing for me and my family.
I have had crippling pnd after two of my children and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
it was horrendous to give birth to a beautiful baby but wish you hadn't bothered. I never want to feel such darkness again.
I love my three children so much and they were all very much wanted .how is it fair and right to bring a baby into the world when its not wanted?
I know I will only have relief not guilt when its all over.
How's your day been Wendy? x
ive been ok today , trying to focus on Christmas presents.
still feeling nauseous though.
3 more weeks to wait
EarthMither, no need to be rude, I wasn't. I said it was utterly her decision, of course it is and I can empathise both ways. I was sharing my experience of a termination and the feelings I felt afterwards. You have to be 100% sure and in the op Wendy said if she saw the baby on the scan she may waiver thus my response in my post. I have no agenda and was being honest and genuine. Wendy's post and reply explained her pnd and it's all totally understandable. I wish her the very best.
I had a medical termination 3 years ago. I went to a Marie Stopes clinic who didn't charge a fee (I think they claim back from nhs).
The pain I felt was very mild, more like period pain and whilst it was distressing passing the pregnancy I don't regret it. I had a bfp on the Saturday and took the pills the following Thursday. X
Wondering sorry I haven't read all of your thread except your recent posts about having to wait for a month I would second trying Marie stopes about the medical route I know you wanted to avoid that but what are your concerns about it?
regarding the medical termination. im so scared of the pain, I have very painful periods anyway which I take medication for. also I would have to be in pain and dashing to the loo in front of my kids who are old enough to realise whats going on.
also the effect that it will have on my mental health especially if it resembles a baby (what comes away)
Op can you not ask them for an earlier appointment? if you don't wish to have an early medical ....it seems an awful long time to have to wait another 3 weeks. Awful for your state of mind. I know years ago I had one and as soon as your mind is made up you just need to get it sorted.
Hope u manage to get in quicker somewhere.
Hi OP I posted earlier on your thread and not sure if you saw, but just wanted to reiterate that Marie Stopes also offer the surgical option under sedation and you can self refer and it goes through the NHS. You mentioned counselling and they offer this via the phone although it is not obligatory. Just thinking you may be able to be seen much sooner this way, the waiting must be awful. Hope you are ok.
Yes I agree definately call Marie Stopes I found them very helpful. I'm quite shocked by your wait to be honest. I know I couldn't do it.
Hope you get sorted. Take care x
had a loo k at marie stopes website and the nearest one from here is a long way.me and dh don't drive so would cause alot of extra hassle for us.
the date I have booked is more suitable as my sister and her fiancé are booking that day off work so they can take me and pick me up.
With Marie stopes you don't have to go to a clinic you can do telephone consultation and then nhs treatment at nhs hospital it might still be quicker and closer than you think if you call them or are you resigned to surgical route now?
I think I will just wait for my booked appointment.
just so so fed up with feeling sick.
Hi Wendy. I just wanted to offer my support. I've just found out that I'm 4 weeks pg. It's totally unplanned and I have 2 dc already 6 and 4. I'm 41 and just can't envisage having another baby. I've got rid of all my baby stuff and financially things are really tough. We can't make ends meet as it is even though we both work f/t. My 4 year old starts school next September so we're looking forward to trying to sort our finances out. What a mess. I feel such guilt as I'm sure the kids would love to have a sibling.
I went to the docs today and am having a telephone consultation tomorrow with Marie Stopes with the idea of going ahead next week. I may still change my mind as I keep changing it.
I need dh to take me to the appointment but he starts a new job next Monday and so I may have to do it alone. Also have to be home by 3.30 for kids from school/nursery so panicking what I'll do if you have to stay all day.
I just wanted to empathise and to send a hug xx
Hi. I just wanted to highlight to people that are upset about the 4 week wait - I certainly don't know about this but I am wondering if it actually is a necessity because maybe a surgical TOP needs to be done after a certain gestation. Maybe before a certain amount of weeks it's more dangerous...ie more likely to damage the uterus because the pregnancy is so small. Just a thought. But I think this should have been explained to you OP.
I noticed you mentioned about sterilisation during the procedure but they said they couldn't...It might be an idea to get a coil fitted at the same time. They are pretty fantastic contraception. I've got one that doesn't release any hormone because I don't get on with hormonal contraception and it's brilliant. Never have to reminder to take pills or have injections, no messing about with condoms, and it works even if you've been sick! It bloody hurt having it inserted, but if you're under an an anaesthetic in the first place I think it would be an idea to think about.
dropyoursword yes I think you are right about it needed to be a certain gestation to get the right result.
too soon and they may miss the pregnancy and I could still be pregnant afterwards.
another two and a half weeks to go , , feeling sick is more in the morning and by evening its better.
But boobs and nipples hurt so bad, I find this strange as I didn't have this with any other pregnancies ive had (3)
I just need it to be over so I can concentrate on Christmas.
catmadmum I totally know how you are feeling.
do you think you will go for the tablet option ?
are you "feeling" pregnant?
I'm in the same place as you, Wendy.
I have two children, 7 and 5, and I always thought I'd like mor. We weren't actively trying for a baby but we did have one foolish night. I wish I'd gone for the map the next day because I hada funny feeling but I thought I was just being paranoid. Plus it took 6 months and a lot of sex to fall pregnant with dd.
Im about 4 weeks now and I've just had my appointment through for 2nd december which feels ages away. And thats just for a scan and to make arrangements. Im the opposite to you- I want to be able to take the tablet.
I'm so unsure about it though. I feel hugely selfish. The reasons for not going through with the pregnancy are selfish. It's not a good time work-wise, we'd struggle tonafford daycare, our life is good and easy now and I think a new baby will add abterrible amount of financial pressure. Plus the house isnt big enough and we cant afford to move. My dh also works away and I worry that I won't be able to cope on my own.
However, I'm not sure I'll ever recover emotionally from the termination.
Hi Wendy and gnome. I'm still confused but had my phone consultation with Marie Stopes yesterday and have booked to have the termination next Wednesday. Gnome your reasons are just the same as mine. We weren't trying though and we were away staying with family so couldn't get the MAP.
My DH starts a new job next Monday but is taking Wednesday off but we have to get the kids from school by 3 so I can't risk the tablets as they might not let me out in time. I have to go the surgical route as its quicker but they don't have the GA option next Wednesday so it will be a conscious sedation. I'm petrified and would rather be put to sleep. How stupid not having the GA option every day!!
Also as I'll be only 5+4 will that not be too early for the surgical route?
I've been wavering so much but feel this is the right decision for us at this time. I just hope I can live with the decision and get through next Wednesday. God only knows how I'd cope if I had to to wait another couple of weeks. Good luck ladies and you are not alone. Xx
Gnome, you need to be really sure it's the right decision for you before going ahead and you don't sound too sure. It's difficult enough for people who are certain, but it's very concerning that you think you could never emotionally recover from a termination. I think you need to talk through your options with someone in more detail to see if there's something that works better for you
tell them not to show you the scan. You can tell them that if it is a surgical termination, you want complete sedation, that is how I had mine.
I don't think they will sterilize you at the same time, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
I had a termination at 9 weeks a few years ago. It was an unplanned (contraceptive failure) baby & my youngest was 5mth old. I couldn't put my body through it again & three babies were not on my agenda.
I have no regrets, in fact unless a thread comes up here, I barely even think about it now.
The hardest part was feeling all the normal pains & discomforts of pregnancy, it was a constant reminder of my situation.
Once the termination was done, all the symptoms disappeared within days. It didn't take long to get back to feeling normal.
I know this sounds strange but whenever I go to the toilet I keep hoping there will be blood and that I will miscarry (sorry if that sounds so awful) I did that too...and I cried everytime there wasn't blood.
It won't last for ever, this will end. You have to be strong
The reasons for not going through with the pregnancy are selfish
No, they are not. It is not selfish to put yourself first, to think of your family, it is not selfish to do what is best for you & for them.
I feel such guilt as I'm sure the kids would love to have a sibling
They don't even need to know. My kids would like an ipad, one of them wants a shark, the other a dinosaur. Kids wants all sorts, but it isn't them who have to cope with the financial & emotional & physical fall out.
I want to tell anyone in this situation that you don't have to have the baby.
Your reason, whatever they are, are always valid.
I have no regrets. And I see, a few years down the line from my termination, that it was the best thing I ever did for myself & my family. I would not be the parent I am now if I had continued that pregnancy, for many reasons.
I've name changed for this but wanted to add my experience if it helps. I was also in the same situation as you ladies and terminated 2 weeks ago. I am 40 years old and have two year old twins conceived through IVF. Having spent years trying to conceive in my thirties, I really didn't think I was fertile. I had one off 'sod it' unprotected sex with my partner and found myself pregnant. I was absolutely devastated and surprised at how strongly I felt about not wanting to be pregnant after all those years of praying for a BFP.
My twins are two and they were a struggle to conceive, I was on crutches with SPD throughout the pregnancy as well as suffering hideous morning sickness. I found it tough being a mother of twin babies but the fact I really really wanted them got me through. I felt that I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and was getting my life back again, getting on better with my partner again, getting fit and just feeling like myself. Then this happened.
My initial reaction was just gutted and then torn for about 2 days about what to do. The best I could feel about having another baby was resigned. When I saw myself with another baby I pictured myself as an empty, tired, old husk of a woman and a shit diluted mother. I also feel very strongly due to my past that babies should be wanted. They shouldn't be something you produce unwillingly out of obligation to society/guilt. That's not fair on anyone.
So I decided to terminate and felt sure of my decision throughout the two week wait for the op. The two weeks I had to wait were hideous. Really really dark. I think I was actually depressed. Not about having to lose a potential child but about being in that situation and being pregnant when I really didn't want to be. I knew that terminating wouldn't be a walk in the park but I had two difficult choices and I decided that I would rather feel sad about a termination than feel depressed about continuing the pregnancy.
The surgery was very straightforward and my initial feeling was relief. Then up and down. The hormones made me very weepy and I am still feeling pretty weepy at times but I think that's just part of the process and I'm just going with it and trying to ride the wave. I feel a lot better emotionally than I did when I was pregnant.
I haven't regretted it though. I would say however that you need to be pretty sure of how you will respond. I knew in my gut that I would feel like this about it. Sad but not regretful. I didn't have any doubts before that it was the right thing to do and i don't now. I can imagine that if I had, then I'd be feeling differently. Lots of luck to you all on here. It's really hard but trust what your gut tells you and be kind to yourselves. You will all be ok whatever you decide. Feel free to PM me if you want to know anything.
I just wanted to add that I had a medical termination at about 7 weeks a few years ago. It was mildly painful for a day, I had some vomiting & cramps but not major, & spent day in bed. There was very little blood. The next day I was up & about as normal. Good luck with your decisions. I don't regret mine.
how old are your other children and how did you manage to hide your discomfort from them.
that is my reason behind just wanting to have it done in hospital under ga.my kids are not silly they are 15, 12&7 they will see me unwell and I can't bare for them to see me go through it.
coupled with the fact im a huge wimp
Oh sorry wendy my termination was before I had children. Although thinking back to my experience I think I would have been able to pass it off as a simple physical illness especially with a partner around to take the kids out, 'let mum rest' etc. But as I said my bleeding was light so that wasn't hard to cope with & would have been possible to hide. I completely understand your wanting to have the GA, just awful that it prolongs it all for you.
how are you all today ? x
I'm still in turmoil. One minute I feel relieved at the thought of not being pregnant next week, the next I'm picturing a newborn baby and wondering if it would really be so terrible. Then I remember all the reasons to not have a baby. Then I cry. I'm not sleeping and.can barely eat and dh and I have had a huge row. Bet you wish you never asked!
How are you, Wendy?
And my breasts have just started to become painful which is a constant reminder that things are progressing. I still hope to see blood when I go to the toilet
I'm ok but just dreading Wednesday. I find it hard to sleep too. I too keep hoping to see blood when I go loo. After 2 miscarriages before dc1 that just feels wrong. I'm 100% sure I don't want this child though so at least I am sure of my decision which I wasn't last week.
It's a horrible situation and would give anything to not be going through this. Xx
im ok thanks keeping busy helps.
I have just under two more weeks to wait.i can't wait for it to be over.
I totally know that feeling of wanting the pregnancy to end itself.
I found it all so hard before the scan , not eating or sleeping but now I know the date is set that has all improved. here to chat if you need a shoulder xx
what did you and your dh row about ?
I'm sending you all loads of hugs. I really know how you all feel as this was me two weeks ago.
Gnome: you poor poor thing. Are you still undecided? If you are, can you maybe try and get some counselling? I also found writing it all down really helped. I wrote a list of fors and against. It's so hard to think clearly when your hormones are all over the place. I felt furious with my partner when I was going through it. A mixture of hormones and anger that I was having to put up with it and not him. In this situation you feel like you are in your own bubble. Lots of love to you. You won't feel like this forever.
Catmadwoman: I know exactly what you mean about the knicker check. It's an absolute head fuck isn't it? I kept hoping for blood in the same way I would pray for white knickers when I was pregnant with my twins. I'm glad you are sure. I was also 100% sure. It was a no brainer really but it's still absolutely shit and really sad however sure you are. You'll be feeling a lot better once it's all over.
Wendy: good to hear you are keeping busy. I felt a lot better too once things were in motion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep busy busy busy.
Likewise, I am here for a chat if anyone wants to. This was me two weeks ago so I know exactly what you're going through.
Thanks sj73. Do you mind me asking what procedure you went for? My parents have decided to come and visit 2 days after I go through this and am wondering if I'll be feeling ok.
How are you feeling now?
It was just a non specific argument. The children were misbehaving so we were getting stressed with eachother and this whole situation is just adding to our stresses. Like you said sj73, I feel so unreasonably angry with him. He keeps changing his mind about what we should do which is so helpful to me. Then he says he'll support me no matter what and that irritates me because i feel like it's all on my shoulders. He can't do right for doing bring really.
Counselling's a good idea but if we are going for the termination i don't want it to be prolonged. I'm hoping I'll have a clearer head after our initial hospital appointment next week. I'm hoping for some kind of epiphany!
catmadmum: I went for the surgical. It was absolutely fine. I was even ok after the GA and just felt like I'd been asleep. It's a pretty light anaesthetic and i was out for about 15 minutes. I was looking after my toddlers the next day and carried on as normal. I had a massive hormone crash about 2 days later and got very weepy and then on and off weepiness for the last 2 weeks. The last two days I;ve felt like the hormones have completely left my body and I feel so much more clear headed and fine about everything. The further away I get from the day I terminated, the more sure I am that I did the right thing. LIfe seems to be going back to normal again. I feel very different from how I felt a month ago, which was just awful.
Gnome: Maybe you need to tell him not to talk about it to you and just be supportive. I really didn't want my OH to offer his opinions once I'd made up my mind. I know he erred more on the side of not terminating but I hated knowing that. It made me feel incredibly guilty and confused. Not what I needed and not what you need either. I think you need to make up your mind on your own as it's primarily your life that will or won't be fucked up by another child. If you are swayed by someone else's opinion then you might resent them later if it wasn't the right one. Why don't you try and get some counselling over the telephone? Where I went offered me this. I reckon you'll feel a lot clearer about everything once you get to the hospital and have the conversation about the procedure.
Wendy: I hope you are ok.
Hang on in there everyone.
catmadmum how did it go today .Thinking of you x
how is everyone else?
sj73 did you havr to takr another pregnancy test to make sure you are no longer pregnant?
I think I will be convinced that they hadn't got it all out
Ugh. I have to take one tomorrow but am terrified even though i'm pretty sure im ok as was sick the whole time when pregnant and thst stopped immediately. Still scared though.
Catmadmum: i hope today webt ok. Be very very kind to yourself.
well, it's all over, thank goodness. I'm ok although of course still hormonal and upset. The whole thing was fine though - just the waiting was the worst. I got there a bit early for my 9.55 appointment and waited to speak to a lady to run through my details and then waited for the scan. I didn't see the scan as you can't see the screen. I then ran through a few questions with scan lady and had a pin prick blood test to check my blood type. Then waited a bit more and then asked to go upstairs. I thought DH could come with me but he wasn't allowed. It was only once I got upstairs that I was told i'd be an hour to an hour and a half so I had to text dh to let him know. So more waiting - about 20 mins but if felt like forever - before I went in. The staff in the operating room were lovely and so much nicer than the staff downstairs who were a bit standoffish. One nurse held my hand and kept me chatting while the anethetist put the canula in. Once the drugs kicked in I honestly don't remember anything. Next thing I remember is it being all over - they told me it would be no more than 5 mins - and being wheeled out to recovery room. I don't even remember getting off the bed into a wheelchair. I was awake but just out of it thank god as that's not something I would want to remember.
The girls in recovery were lovely too, brought me tea and biscuits, and I sat there about 15 mins before I could leave. I left about 12pm.
There was no pain or cramping and only very light bleeding. I would recommend this method as the pills sound more prolonged and painful.
I'm so relieved it's over and know it was the right decision for me and my family. If anyone has any questions please feel free to dm me.
Good luck Wendy and anyone else awaiting this. I hope you get all the support that you need. Thank you to everyone who's contributed to this thread too as it's been of enormous help and reassurance to me at this hard time.
im so glad its all over for you.
you have been brave in doing what is right for you and your family.
did you have to have a pessary to open your cervix before the operation?
how many weeks were you ?
I have a week and one day until my op , counting down the days now. you are lucky that you could get to a marie stopes place.wish I could of but not being able to drive and the nearest one really far away it just wasn't an option for me.
take it easy and just be kind to yourself x
Hi Wendy. No there was no pessary - just the sedation. Tbh they may have put one in but I don't remember if they did. I was 5+3 so early days. I really feel for you having to wait all this time. It's so unfair for you. Xx
im eight weeks now really didn't want it to progress this far.
Catmadmum, I'm happy for you that it's all over and that the experience overall wasn't a bad one. It must be such a relief for you. I feel envious of your certainty about the decision. I keep swaying. I genuinely don't know what to do.
Wendy Sorry you're feeling anguish that your pregnancy has progressed further than you wanted it to. You do seem to have had to wait a long time. Do you have a sinking feeling every morning? I feel like it takes me the whole day to get my head around the situation, then i go to bed, wake up in the morning and start from the beginning again. My emotions are wrung out
how are you today catmadmum
yes I feel that sinking feeling every day but I think because ive waited so long for my appointment its wearing off . I still feel sick and sore .
are you still undecided? would it help to write down pros and cons of another child?
when is your dating scan?
did you take the test ?
Wendy: No i haven't. I've just opened it and I don't understand how it works and it's making me all teary and pissed off that they can't even provide a pregnancy test with instructions! This is it: I have no idea which is the control panel, whether I'm supposed to wee on it or what. GRRRRR.
was it from the hospital? or did you buy it
I think you pee on a little strip then insert into the oblong thingy ? could be wrong. usually two lines is positive one is negative
Just worked it out. They gave me a lab test that not even the nurse on the helpline knew how to use. Its negative. God how i wish it had been so beautifully blank and negative a month ago. Thats the last time i ever poas.
I hope you are ok. Wendy: only a week to go. I felt so much better the closer it got.
Gnome: can you really try and imagine that your appointment was off and you were going to go ahead with the pregnancy? Would you feel relieved or devestated? Its so hard. I knew what i needed to do but it was still hard so god knows how you feel if you are unsure.
Wendy: the weirdest test ive ever seen. A plastic rectangle. Ive peed on a million sticks due to my past fertility issues which now seem a bit of a joke.
sj73 what a relief for you.
Hopefully by Christmas this will be me .onwards and upwards
Thank you Wendy. Yes it will be you. You can focus on Christmas and feeling like yourself again. Onwards and upwards! (and sterilisation methinks)
im too fat for a sterilisation
Hello Wendy love. All good here. I've been thinkingof you. How long have you got to go now?
five days to go ,can't come soon enough.
Hi ladies. I'm doing fine although went out last night and ended up blubbing about this week's events to a friend. Was mortified when I woke up this morning. Feeling a bit crampy today - like a painful trapped wind and very bloated. That could be down to the amount of wine I consumed last night!
Still thinking of you Wendy and everyone else.
Hi everyone. I had my initial hospital appointment today. I had the scan and they struggled to find the pregnancy as it's so small. It is, however, there. I'm booked in on Saturday to start the medical process. She said they'd only allow me to take the tablet if i'm 100% sure though. Which i'm not at the moment. I <think> it's what i want. Although i could have taken the tablet today and i refused That's mainly based on me being unprepared for the next stage in a couple of days though. I can't take the time off work and my Dh won't be here to take me home afterwards.
I wish i just didn't have the tiny bit of doubt about it.
I hope everyone else is okay.
Actually Wendy, I've just notices that your children have an almost identical age gap to mine, if i were to go ahead with this pregnancy. Can you remember the early day with the third? Were the order ones okay or.did the arrival of a little one have a negative impact on them? Was your third planned? Sorry for all the questions; I'm sure you're not particularly in a place where you want to be interrogated at the moment!
I'm aware you've got your procedure soon. I'll be thinking of soon. Not long until your nightmare is over.
Catmadmum, i'm sure your friend didn't mind you getting blubby. We've all been there! You've been through a lot recently and it's natural to need an emotional outlet now and then.
yes the third was planned. I don't think a child knowing that they were an accident is a nice thing.
it was very hard with three my daughter was five when ds 3 was born and she took it badly.she was incredibly jealous and felt so left out.my older boy was a great help though.
Didn't help that I had crippling depression and anxiety. I had a mental health nurse for ages.i saw a phycologist often and was on hormone patches and anti depressants.
I found every day tasks so overwhelming and I ended up with a home start volunteer who im still close with now.
I didn't have any family support and my marriage was rocky too.
not the ideal way to have a baby
all of this is in my mind and is what has made the decision for me easy.i have no doubt whatsoever that this is right.
I don't want you to think im heartless im well aware that I am doing a bad thing to my own flesh and blood its sad but I have to put my health and the wellbeing of my "real " children first.
im so sorry you are undecided it must be awful
my sister has let me down and now cant take me so I have had to ask a friend to drop me and I have no idea how im getting back yet.
I very annoyed with her actually
Wendy, i don't think you're heartless at all, and i don't think you're doing a terrible thing. I hope you don't feel I've insinuated that. I'm also considering it; I only wish I could be more sure about what i want to do.
Having a baby is a huge decision to make; it's difficult enough to come to terms with when it's planned. And the emotional wellbeing of the mother is one of the most important factors. You have a few cells dividing inside you at the moment, that's all. You're not destroying a life, you're ensuring your life and that of your family is not destroyed. Please don't ever say that you're doing a terrible thing. You're not.
I'm so sorry you've been let down. Is there no one else who would be able to support you and take you home? I'd be angry in your shoes too, although i would hope whatever reason she has for letting you down is genuine and unavoidable. Did she give a reason? Doesn't make it any easier for you though. You need someone with you.
sorry I didn't mean you had insinuated anything.
my sister said her bf would be able to take the day off to drive us there and back but now she said he is working. she has the day off so now she wants to come but she could be waiting for hours and hours knowing my luck.my mum said they will bring me home but will have to lie to my dad about why
It's just an extra complication you can do without isn't it? I haven't told my parents either and nor do i intend to. I really hope you get it sorted x
Lots of luck today Wendy. I hope you are feeling relieved afterwards.
Gnome: is there any way you can get some telephone counselling? You still sound torn. Did going to the hospital make things any clearer for you?
feeling really weepy tonight
I dunno why just am ?
Hormones? They're probably playing a part. Plus it's a really stressful time. Sorry you're feeling down
Wendy and Gnome, sending you both huge hugs.
sj, you might be right about counselling. I've been talking to a couple of really good friends who are very supportive and level headed. Talking helps but i never become any clearer in my decision. I've never been a confident decision maker, and whichever way i go, i always end up wishing i'd taken the other option. That's not so bad when you're talking about which Chinese meal to order. This is a little more life-changing! I want someone - or my body - to make the decision for me but i know that only I can make it. Not my friends, not dh, not the lovely sister at the hospital, me. And the weight of that is sitting heavily at the moment.
I have to make a decision and know that the decision I make at the time will be the right one at that very moment.
I still can't believe i'm in this position.
Wendy, I hope you're okay.
i had a bit of a meltdown last night - it all became so real suddenly ,i told dh i was feeling lonely and that him not discussing it made me feel like he didn't care or worse was upset at my decision,i was also angry that in the 6 weeks since i have known i was pregnant he hasn't made the appointment to have a vasectomy.
it will all be over tomorrow and for that im very thankful.
Gnome: I really hope that you get some good counselling. A specialised abortion counseller would be so used to dealing with women in your situation who are completely torn. I think you can get telephone counselling through Marie Stopes and other providers. I really think you are doing the right thing by waiting until you are more sure. I can understand your dilemma. There are two shit choices and either choice might be the right one and either might be the wrong one. It's a case of choosing the lesser of two evils really isn't it? I found picturing myself going forward with the pregnancy and imagining it made me really sure as the thought of continuing just made me feel really depressed. I figured I would rather be depressed because of a termination than depressed because of a pregnancy. As it turns out, I'm not that depressed at all but that's because I was so sure of my decision.
Wendy: lots of luck for tomorrow. A meltdown is so understandable. You've had to be so strong for the last month and I guess it all has to come to a head at some point. I must have seemed like just a date before and now it's real. I can understand your issues with your dh. I am furious with mine. Irrationally so. I'm so pissed off I've had to go through this and he hasn't. Yesterday I got furious with him for not helping with the housework but insanely furious. I'm actually raging at the fact he's been as happy as larry for the last month. I'm massively PMT though (hallelujah!) so hopefully the rage will subside soon!
Catmadmum: I hope you are recovering and feeling ok with everything. A meltdown is totally normal!
I'm the opposite with my dh Wendy; I get annoyed because he talks about it too much to me! I feel like he wants support from me but i don't feel i can support him-I've got too much on my own shoulders.
unknowngnome we need to swap dh's
feeling so sick this evening, must be my bodies last little hoorah.
feeling nervous now.
This time tomorrow it will all be over. That must be a good feeling. You should plan something to look forward to. A takeaway and a film or something. And you'll finally be able to look forward to Christmas
I think i'm coming round to a.decision. I keep thinking about how i felt when i got the pregnancy test results. It was dread, fear, panic. No positive emotions. And still I hope to see blood when I go to the toilet and feel really disappointed when it's just more discharge. The complete opposite to my previous pregnancies. I want the pregnancy to end, i just wish i didn't have to end it myself
I feel for you unknowngnome
you just want for someone to take the decision for you but in reality only you and you alone know what it is right
lots of hugs
Thinking of you today, wonderingwendy
Thinking of you Wendy and hoping you feel enourmously relieved afterwards.
Wendy, thinking of you today. Sending hugs your way.
unknowngnome - I know exactly how you feel. That's exactly how I felt. Couldn't understand how I was so horrified as I'd been so delighted every other time I'd got a + test. Circumstances change though, life with 2 kids is a handful and whilst plenty of people go on and have 3 or 4 (or more) I just never wanted to have more. Having made my decision and having the termination last week I know it was the right decision for me and it is getting easier each day to deal with what I did. Only you can decide but I just wanted to say that I what you're feeling is perfectly understandable.
Wendy, been thinking of you today. Hope you are ok, relieved and resting now. Hugs xx
Thanks catmadmum. I'm just so confused. I get inconsolably upset when i think about having an abortion so that means i want to keep it, yes? But i have no positive feelings about continuing with the pregnancy. I think one of the problems is that i don't believe my reasons for having an abortion are good enough.
I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm scared that I'll regret my decision as soon as I've taken the pill. But thinking that they won't let me take it also worries me. It's just hideous.
I hope you're okay Wendy and looking after yourself. I hope you got your lifts sorted with minimal hassle.
I was really torn when I first found out but came to the conclusion that I was torn not because I might want to have a baby but because I felt like as a mother I shouldn't have an abortion. I felt like my reasons weren't good enough. But I couldn't feel any more than resignation about going forward with the pregnancy and I knew that that feeling of sad resignation would stay with me for a long long time and that it would make me really depressed. I spoke to a friend who told me that not wanting a baby is a good enough reason not to have one. Your reasons are the right reasons for you.I don't know if this is helping but can you try and put aside any potential feelings about how you 'should' and 'might' feel?
I really really feel for you. It's so hard, especially when you are feeling like this.
I don't know if this helps but I had mine four weeks ago and am feeling so much happier and am really sure I did the right thing. I don't know if this helps you as you aren't in my shoes and it's different for different people.
firstly I want to thank all of you who took the time to give me support and advice on here.
so its all done
went in and was given a side room all to myself which I was so very great full for.this meant that my sister could stay with me all of the time apart from when I was in surgery.
got there at 10.30 my best friend dropped us there, I was sent for blood tests and had my obs done (blood pressure was high) probably because I was anxious.
had a few vaginal pessaries to open my cervix and went down for op at 1.30.
the worst part was the cannula, they couldn't find a vein in my hand so had it in my inside elbow sooooo painful think I said jesus christ ! had a beautiful dream about my sister and I as kids hand in hand running through a field of flowers.
woke up at 2.30 coughing (was the pipe being removed?) fell back to sleep for a while and woke up with an oxygen mask on, had a chat with the lovely nurse and had some water.
I had period type pains so they gave me liquid morphine.
went back to the ward relaxing for a while and had a wee which was completely red with blood .
put my knickers on with a sanitary towel , a little heavy the first time I changed it but not so bad now.
had some manky cheese sandwiches and a banana.
I was discharged at 7pm.
my dad came to get us ( mum told him I had a cyst removed)
I was very brave and I can honestly say im so very relieved its all over .I am 100% sure I did the right thing. no tears which for me is a miracle.
just wanted to tell you it really isnt so bad and im so sure the surgical route was the best decision for me.
The nurses and doctors were all so sweet and gentle with me.but do you know they didn't ask me once if I was still wanting to go through with it. I geuss if I was crying they might of.
Thinking of you all and anyone would like my help or advice please message me.
I'm so pleased it's all over for you Wendy. And that you had a positive experience. The dream you had sounds nice
I'm glad you're ok, Wendy.
Gnome, lj's post is very wise. This is not the time to think about what you should or should not do, it's the time to think about what is right for you in your life now. If you can do that, you will be able to make peace with your decision, whatever it is.
sj, not lj, sorry.
Thanks sj73, it does help. I feel exactly the same way as you describe. I feel selfish but honestly i don't know if i'd cope with another child. I'm on my own a lot of the time and my ds already makes comments about how nice it is to spend time alone with me when we get opportunity because my dd is very demanding of my time. How would i give them all enough love and attention? But i do feel really sorry for what i'm going to do. I wish i didn't have to do it. I feel so sad
Thanks mine. It does make sense. It's just so hard.
Argh I've just post something but the computer ate it!
Wendy: I'm so happy to hear this is all over for you and that you are feeling relieved. No more limbo and lots of looking forward. Wishing you an easy recovery.
Gnome: I feel so sad for you I really do. I wonder how you are feeling this morning? I think you need to stop using the word selfish. Choosing one of two very difficult options is hardly selfish. Neither of them are easy and you are thinking not just of your own sanity but the stability and harmony of your family by wanting to protect the status quo. I think you need to think of it more as 'self preservation' rather than 'selfish.' because you most definitely aren't.
Lots of luck today. Here for hand holding. You won't feel as shitty and sad as this forever you know, although it feels like it.
I wasn't given any antibiotics or a pregnancy test for a few weeks time? was I meant to have them ?
I am thinking of you today .sending virtual hand holding. please post here if you need advice xx
Thanks for all your advice and wise words. I'm waiting for a friend to pick me up and take me to the hospital. I'm still feeling torn and i honestly don't know what I'll decide to do until i'm there.
I couldn't take the tablet. I'm still in limbo. I don't want a baby but for some reason i just couldn't take it. I sat at the hospital for 5 hours trying to make a decision
oh no you poor thing.did you have anyone with you.did the staff try to help at all ?
I went with a friend. The staff were lovely but as they explained, they're just there to administer the medication; they're not counsellors. They were patient and kind.
I don't know what to do. On the one hand I went to the hospital; I made it there when i could have cancelled at any time. So that tells me that part of me wants the abortion. On the other hand, something stopped me from willingly taking the tablet. I've never felt so confused in my whole life.
do you think maybe the surgery would suit you better? im so glad I did it that way .the physical act of doing the termination ypurself maybe is why you couldn't do it.if you let the doctor do it while you are asleep will make it easier?
Possibly. It would just mean waiting longer and having Christmas in between. I'm going to speak to the unit again on Monday.
I hope that didn't sound too pushy I was just thinking aloud . wish I could take it away for you .
I had mine done yesterday and im nearly back to normal again.i do recommend it.what did your dh say about you not being able to take the tablet today ?
No, didn't sound pushy. I've wondered the same myself. I'm just so emotionally exhausted.
The tablet felt like poison. There's something about having to administer it myself and then spend the following hours waiting for pain and bleeding, and then of course the day-long stay in hospital a couple of days later.
I don't know what to do but i'm grateful for your support.
I haven't spoken to him properly because he's away. I'll speak to him tomorrow. I think he wishes i'd taken it though.
Gnome, you need your dh there with you. To do this on your own is very tough. Tell him to get his arse home.
but do you know they didn't ask me once if I was still wanting to go through with it. I geuss if I was crying they might of.
I don't think that is unusual. None of the drs that did mine asked me at any stage either. I guess they figure that asking may put that little doubt in your mind, or that you would make it known that you can't go ahead.
I had counselling on the same day for mine, you saw the dr, saw the counsellor & then had the procedure.
I hope you feel ok. The first few days were the hardest for me, purely because I didn't know what to expect.
Be kind to yourself.
I think one of the problems is that i don't believe my reasons for having an abortion are good enough.
They ARE good enough. They are as equally valid as anyone else's.
how are you today * unknowngnome *
Today I'm feeling pretty crap. Dh will give no consideration to how difficult i'm finding this emotionally. He just doesn't want another child and can't understand why i can't just take a little pill. Life is shit.
I had one and realy wasn't too bad the actual procedure !! Afterwards a different story , fell apart for a little while and felt very guilty even tho it wasn't desision and the right one at the time !!! Sending you strength hunnie xx
Hi, do you mind if I dump on this thread to?
Ex sex <urgh> and found out tuesday. So so so confused I can't keep it, I do just want to be back to normal but I'm so scared of taking the pill. I had a late abortion before and that was nothing compared to thinking I have to take this pill.
I feel so sick, I can't do nothing with my dc I just feel like crap
Have a phone consultation wednesday and then they will book me in. The most thing I'm scared about is vomming. The tablet effects apparently can make you sick and I really hate sick or others being sick around me.
I can't go to work either, I work in a kitchen I called in sick friday but I will have to explain to my boss why I need at least a week off. I can't even walk to the shop without heaving or feeling dizzy. I haven't been in this job long (2 months) have no rapport with manager and I'm in charge this we coming.
I really wish things were different, I would love a third but I cannot cope with doing it all on my own for a third time. Its bad enough feeling so ill atm.
Hi unknown gnome,
I'm so sorry - you poor thing. You must be in complete turmoil. I couldn't do a tablet as I couldn't go back for both days. The day I went they didn't do a GA option so I had to have a sedation where they don't put you to sleep. It was a good option as I was out 30 mins after the procedure.
I think the way I made my decision was knowing financially we can not afford a third dc. Also I went onto a thread about three child families. There were a lot of adults who really did not like being the oldest of 3/ felt pushed out/ didn't have a great relationship with their siblings. I know it sounds like a crappy reason but my 2 are so close and I love my little unit. It works and I didn't want either of them to have to share me or feel put out. I'm nearly 42 and worried there may be a health issue. Again I felt like a selfish horrible person but all those thoughts helped me make my final decision after initially being so torn.
Wish you all the best. If you do want this child then you need to talk to your dh again. It's your decision. My dh would have kept it but I made the decision for my own sanity. Did you have the counselling?
Muffcakes. Welcome and I'm sorry to hear that you too have a really difficult decision to make. I found out I was pg 3 weeks ago. Totally unplanned and unfortunately not a child I felt like I could have. I had the termination 11 days ago and had the surgical procedure where they sedate you but aren't put to sleep. It wasn't painful and I was in and out in 2 1/2 hours. The pill didn't seem nice and the sedation worked in that I felt nothing and remember very little.
Good luck and there are lots of us in this position so feel free to ask questions. Hugs to you xx
Thanks cat, I really would prefer that but im going to take the quickest option whatever that is I just want to feel back to normal asap.
I am struggling with feeling like crap.
Rang work this morning explained what I'm doing and how crap I feel and they've said I can take as much time as I need off unpaid although I have got stuff I can do at home to make some money back up.
So it's a relief in one way was really worried they would be shitty.
Gnome: is there any way you can go for the medical? Do you think you would have gone ahead if it hadn't been for having to take the pill yourself? Did being in that situation make you feel any differently about what you want to do? You must be in such a state. I think sometimes we can be paralysed by indecision and it's really hard to get out of that mode. I think talking to the right people such as experienced counsellers might help? I think you did the right thing not going ahead if you were still unsure. I don't think this needs to be rushed just yet. The important thing is that you feel sure you don't want to be pregnant.
Wendy/ Catmadmum: I hope you are recovering well.
Muffcakes: sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I know what you mean about going for the quickest option. I would research both though as the pill option isn't for everyone. I was told that with the surgical it would only be a difference of a wait of 3 days. Something has to show up on the scan in both cases (I think) Can you take some phenergan for the sickness?
Thanks sj73 I will go to the chemist and get some. Means I don't have to try and fail getting appointments with the dr then.
It says on the label you can only take it while pregnant if its prescribed andnot in the last two weeks but as I'm not keeping it I'll just tell the pharmacist its for travel sickness.
I need to feel well enough to get on the bus for when I have the first appointment.
When I speak t the dr wednesday I will ask about dates for surgical, I would prefer it more because its over and done with on the same day although some areas let you have second pill at home.
gnome With the termination I had a few years ago I made up my mind by thinking whatever way I go I will have to live with this and so will my other 2 dc. What can I live with and what will I struggle with long term. Sometimes I think about it but after a month of grief (I was sad) it was fine. It is fine to feel sad about whatever decision you make, just because it's horrible and sad to do doesn't mean it's the wrong thing.
I took it when pregnant with my twins and it was fine. I don't think it's over the counter even. I definitely never got questioned for buying it. (it was originally prescribed and then I just carried on buying it myself)
I hope you can get an appointment asap. The sickness went for me pretty much straight away. Are you just going through your GP or a pregnancy advisory service? It was much quicker going through the PAS as they see you straight away and fix a date asap. At least in my experience, although I still had to wait 3 weeks for the op because of the scan. I had to wait until something showed up for them to proceed with surgery.
Gnome: So true what Muffcakes says. Just because it's sad doesn't mean it's the wrong thing. I think you need to try and work out if the fact that it is sad is stopping you from making the decision or because you think it's wrong for you. (i don't mean morally wrong, I mean wrong as in the worst thing for you)
I've done it. I've taken the pill. Feels like the worst going I've ever done and i think it was the wrong thing to do. i feel I made.the decision for the wrong reasons. But it's done and i'll have to get over it.
Oh bless you Gnome. It is normal you feel like this my love. When I went into surgery I bawled my eyes out and could hardly breathe for crying but it was still the right thing to do. Just because I was sad didn't mean it wasn't right. It is normal to have a strong emotional reaction as you are human.
Keep reminding yourself that you don't want to be pregnant. That is the right reason. I know it feels bad at the moment but it won't feel this shit forever I promise. Take it very very easy. Please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. You have very very valid reasons for having taken it. A pregnancy should be a wanted one and you really didn't want this. xxx
PAS service, they will tell me wednesday the appointment for pill date. They do the first one on the phone.
gnome that is normal, just because you chose to lose it doesn't mean it's still not lost iykwim. Grief is normal just keep the bigger picture in mind. You made your decision for the right reasons. Really take up the free counselling to talk it out and move on.
oh gnome thats so sad ,please dont be so hard on yourself ,sending hugs x
Gnome, are you ok? I've been following this thread and wondered how you were doing today?
No I'm not okay. I really think i did the wrong thing. I've been googling about medical abortions all morning. Found a couple of stories about pregnancies continuing successfully after taking the abortion pill. I'm not stupid though, i know it's pretty much a done deal.
I just wish the nurse had taken the tablet from me when i spat it out.
I'm in such a state today. I can't believe I did it. I hate myself.
Oh gnome. I don't know what to say, you must be in total turmoil. Have you got anyone with you at the moment?
What did the nurse do when you spat it out gnome?
My dh is here but i'm feeling quite angry with him so i'd rather be alone. The nurse told me to spit it out because i broke down when i first put it in my mouth. Afterwards she said if i was going to take it i had to do it soon because it was dissolving. I just threw it back to get it all over and done with.
I know that you've struggled with your feelings about this over the course of the thread. Do you think that you went back to the clinic because deep down you felt it was the right thing for you? Can you hold on to that thought?
That's what i have to keep telling myself. It's so hard though.
It is hard. And I expect hormones are playing a part too. When do you return to the clinic for the second part? How are you feeling about that?
Tomorrow. I'm dreading it.
I have had the pill option and had a very bad reaction to it. I have heard that they've improved it since I had it though. I won't go into detail here unless you would like to PM me, but if you're scared I would go for GA.
He'll take me and bring me home but i don't want him there throughout the day. I know i took the pill of my own free will but i don't feel like i had a choice and i blame him for that.
I think that's a very normal way to feel. You make a decision based on lots of factors, and pressures either spoken or felt from others
Oh Gnome! I wish i wAs able to hold your hand. Ok. I think whenever we make drastic decisions like this it is human to instantly doubt and regret them initially. Like i said, i went through a few dats of doubr after mine; partly hormonal, partly a reaction to having made a decision i couldn't go back on. This feeling doesnt mean it was the wrong thing to do.
You said you really didn't want to be pregnsnt. You went back to the clinic after your initial visit. The feeling might be confused today but you had very strong feslings about not continuing wuth the pregnancy and you need to really try and listen to that voice again.
Why don't you write it all down to get some clarity? I know a poster on here who wrote a letter to her potential future baby and she said that really helped. Try and get some counselling but whatever you do please take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through it.
So many of us go through this and come out the other side kniwing they had made the right decision at that time and what was best for ourselves and our families.
I had the medical many years ago. In my case it was fine. Like a very heavy period. So please don't worry.
Sending you lots of love.
I wish I knew what to say gnome
im sorry you are feeling so bad about this.are you feeling pressured into the termination by your dh or is it what you want ?
it was hard enough for me even though I was doing it for my own reasons so I can't imagine what you are going through. please keep posting so we can offer an ear . thinking of you x
I do feel as though i wasn't given much choice. He always said he'd support whatever i decided but he also said he didn't really want three. And if he talked about having another he would talk about the negatives - sleepless nights, me having to cope alone when he's away. We argued about it so badly that i had to consider whether i would rather be a single mum to two or three children.
I took the pull. I can't blame anyone but myself for that. But i didn't feel 100% sure about it and for that reason i shouldn't have taken it.
Gnome, I really feel for you. Now is not the time to go into my story, but it's very similar to yours.
I don't know how your life will pan out, but for me, looking back it was absolutely the right decision even though it was agony to go through at the time. I still bitterly regret it, but it doesn't hurt me any more.
I hope you get to that point too.
so what happens if ypu don't take the next pill tomorrow? I don't know much about the medical as I wanted the surgical. what does the first pill do ?
wish I could give you a hug xx
It blocks the progesterone which is essential to the progression of the pregnancy. I haven't bled or cramped yet but my breasts are no longer sore so it's obviously worked. The nurse told me.she knew of a couple of women who hadn't returned for the pessaries and their pregnancies had progressed but i think that's rare. The message they give you at the hospital is that.there's no going back.
She gave me.the option to wait She said she'd book me in for a surgical in January to give me mire time. I think a part of me just wanted the situation resolved. I felt like if i walked away again i'd continue in a state of limbo. I just think it was a snap decision (even though it took four hours to make it) and i should have walked away. But who knows how i'd be feeling now if i'd walked away?
I see so will you take the pill tomorrow?
you must of taken that pill for a reason.just because now isn't the right time for another child this doesn't mean that in the future you could try again if that makes sense. so if you dont take the rest of the tablets tomorrow can you still go in for the surgery ? because it will still be there. imo that would be gentler on you.
I think I'll have to take it Wendy. I could probably wait for surgical removal but i think its for the best to get it out of the way.
I'm trying to remember how i felt before. I didn't want to be pregnant, prayed for blood when i went to the toilet. Now i find myself hoping to not see blood, which is ridiculous considering i opted for this.
Like you say, for some reason i took it. I could have walked away but i chose to stay and take the tablet.
try to stay strong. this too will pass xx
I'm so sorry gnome. I really feel for you. I just wanted to send you another hug.
It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my op. I am doing well. Bleeding has more or less stopped now and cramping too.
I hope you are doing well Wendy.
im okish .Having night sweats even though I don't have a temp? must be my hormones im guessing. im very sensitive to hormones which is why I don't take the pill.
do you need to do another pregnancy test soon ? I wasn't advised to ?
Start your own thread Kilmuir. This isn't the time or place.
Thinking of you too Gnome. Hope you are as ok as you can be. Lots of love.
I've just got off the phone and I'm booked in for a surgical on Friday. I just wanted the quickest option. Feel relieved this weekend I'll be back to normal and be able to go back to work.
I'm not being put to sleep just sedated.
im pleased for you muff
how are you gnome ?
Wendy I've been readin back through the thread, do you mind me asking why you had to wait so long? I'm getting slightly worried as I'm booked in Friday but I will only be 6 weeks and a few days. I don't know if it's because they referrered me to Marie Stopes but now I have visions of being told on the day I'm not far enough. But surely they would know this when they booked me in today. I think I might ring the number and double check.
its ok I don't mind you asking.
I was 5weeks at my dating scan so as I wanted the general anaesthetic option and would have to have it done in our nearest hospital as I couldn't get to a marie stopes clinic, I had to wait until I was nine weeks (their policy) just to make sure they didn't miss the pregnancy ifswim
longest wait of my life.
im sure your dates will be fine as a few other ladies on here had the same as you around the same gestation.
Oh ok, they did offer me ga but that would of been at least a week more here.
Thank you for starting this thread Wendy its really helped me and thank you [sj73] for the medication recommendation it's really helped have managed to do 2 loads of washing today and have a cup of tea, where as before I couldn't move off the sofa.
Muffcakes - I was 5+4 when I had my procedure so you should be fine.
Wendy - I was told to test after 3 weeks but wasn't given a test. Xx
Gnome, I do hope you're ok.
are you ok gnome .thinking of you
Hi Gnome. Would really like to hear from you. Hope you are ok. X
Muffcakes: lots of luck tomorrow. Hope it goes well.
[sj] thanks, I'm really nervous now. I'm panicking because I can't eat anything tomorrow and food is the only thing (apart from those tablets they do help) that stop me puking. Its at half 8 in the morning so all that rush hour traffic stop start stop start. Then I have to waitfor my DM to be on her lunch break to be able to pick me up and take me home.As they said I should be finished in 2hrs that means I'm going to waiting around for about 2 hours after.
I'm also worrying because they booked it in marie stopes, on the phone they went through the options, when I said about marie stopes they said they only book in there if theres more then a 10 day wait for the other 2 hospitals. When I said just please get me the quickest whatever option surgical or medical she said well marie stopes have spaces friday shall I ring and book you in. So I'm now confused to as whether I'm paying or not. I rang back bookings line and the lady said if I didn't get charged for the phone call then I'm not being charged at all.
Argh what if I get there and they say they're charging me but I don't have the money to pay for it.
<breath muff breath>
this time tomorrow will all be over.
good luck tomorrow muffcakes
I don't think you will be asked to pay well I hope not anyway.
be strong its nearly over xx
Hi Muffcakes. I was like you. Really really sick and eating toast was the only thing that stopped me from spewing. I was worried about the nil by mouth rule too. I went to bed the night before and asked my partner to wake me up at midnight with some cheese on toast so at least my stomach felt slightly lined the next morning. can you do this? Set your alarm?
You won't be billed. You will be an NHS patient unless you are from overseas and don't pay national insurance. I was worried about this too as it all seemed to be going so smoothly and they didn't ask for any details except for my postcode. When they ask for you post code I think that's too find out which PCT funds you. I didn't go through Marie Stopes but through BPAs and I wasn't charged. You won't be so don't worry.
Good luck. It will all be fine.
Yes toast has saved me on so many occasions! I will eat before I go to sleep.
I'm also quite worried about the whole procedure, the one I had before was awful. I was wheeled into the room before I was put out, my legs up in stirrups and 4 men in the room looking at me fanjo first.
My DM said I could stay overs tonight and I wish I did now, feel quite worried and lonely
I know I'm doing this for he right reasons, I want to do it I just don't want the procedure or any type of procedure. I could so stic m head in the sand right now.
Oh bless you. This time tomorrow it will all be over. I actually felt much better on the day knowing that it was going to be over and things were in motion. The waiting was the worst part. The stirrups bit is horrible. I got a bit hysterical but to be honest, it was quite nice just going to sleep.
There is absolutely nothing to worry about. You'll be in the hands of professionals who do this every day. Just get up tomorrow and go through the motions. You will be fine. Can you watch a film or something to take your mind off things?
I'm trying to keep in mind this time tomorrow I will be having a very large glass of wine and not feeling sick.
I'm not being put to sleep just slightly sedated.
It will be fine just nervous.
Good luck tomorrow muffcakes. It's great that you got such a quick appointment. A large glass of wine will be in order tomorrow. Hugs xx
they should give you enough sedation that you won't be aware. just look forward to all those hormones leaving your body and enjoying Christmas.
Yes it's quite amazing as the sickness goes straight away. Look forward to feeling better.
Cat and and wendy: how are you both doing?
cat I think it could of been because I really stressed to the nurse how hard I was finding it, taking time unpaid off work and struggling with the dc so much while feeling so ill. I'm just so bloody grateful it will be sorted before christmas.
am off to wash my hair and shave my legs and the to bed, but thank you all for listening and support.
yeah im ok thanks. rage has passed but still bleeding slightly and having night sweats.
a little teary but not so bad.
yes the sickness went straight away , my spots cleared up over the last week and boobs have gone down and not so sensitive anymore. oh and im not tired now
will be thinking of you muff makes me laugh muff muff
Hi everyone. Sorry to worry you all. I just sloped off into my own little world for a while. I also noticed a couple of deleted posts and suddenly became aware how open this forum is. I'm pleased i didn't see what they said.
I'm feeling much stronger now. The past few weeks have been a blur of heightened emotion. I'm more confident that it was the right thing to do now but i feel sad that it ever came to it.
Good luck muff
And thanks for the pm, Wendy. Sorry to have worried you.
Hi everyone, am home now everything went well. I was first in and first out. The sedation was actually lovely I just wanted to sleep. It did hurt a bit in a removed sort of way. The nurses and drs admin and receptionist at marie stopes were amazingly lovely.
glad it went ok for you muff.take some rest
gnome here if you want to talk
Hi everyone can I join in. UnknownGnome directed me here.
I am having the second part of my medical abortion today. I feel so sick and worried. I regretted taking the first tablet yesterday the minute I swallowed it. The timing of this baby just wasn't right. I have a 8,7 and 6 month old. I took the MAP and it failed.
Is it really painful.? I've loaded my bag full of painkillers but kind of feel like I deserve some pain
sorry you are going through this aswell
I had the surgical option so cant comment on how much pain you will be in.
no one deserves to be in pain please don't think that.mistakes happen.be kind to yourself x
I had the surgical to so can't help with whether it will hurt or not either. I assume it's just like a heavy period and nothing like the pain of actual child birth which you've done three times already! I would get a hot water bottle or heat pack (they had those in the hospital I was at) and you will be fine.
I should be able to help help, but I didn't have the pessaries yet. I'm going back next week for them so you'll have to let me know.
I can't remember how far along you are but my understanding is that if it's quite early it's like a crampy period. The hospital will be able to give you pain relief and advice though.
I hope it's going okay.
UnknownGnome its quite painful. I was told to take my painkillers before the pain started as the nurse said if you wait until the pain hits it won't be manageable. The pain relief is spacing me out a little and the pain is an I don't know what to do with myself pain. Hot chocolate and a constantly refilled hot water bottle are soothing.
I still feel full of regret but I think my decision would have been hard no matter which way id gone
thats just it either way its hard.
keep topped up with painkillers. how many weeks along were you.how is the bleeding?
I was 6+5. The bleeding is slightly heavier than my normal period. I haven't passed any clots that I've been aware of yet. I was due in work for a long standing on my feet shift in Monday but someone has taken my shift now. I don't think I would have managed the shift
you need time to rest for a few days.lie down and take it easy
Did you not get a drs note saying no flying or physical work help I was almost 7 weeks so about the same as you but have been signed off for 2 weeks.
I'm still around. Still not sorted physically but feeling emotionally stronger at least. How's everyone else? Muff? help? sj? Are you okay, Wendy? You're looking out for everyone else but how are you?
Hi sorry wendy didn't see your post. Hope everyones ok. Glad you feel stronger gnome.
I'm fine as in I'm positive and feel very relieved although guilty. I went shopping yesterday and started bleeding and cramping, all day today I have had what feels like labour pains to. I haven't had time to rest and take it easy as everything that could go wrong has been going wrong like my boiler breaking down and having to run around handing sick notes in and down the council with wage slips. Just hoping as the pain is coming in waves its not etopic as they were really stressing the possibility when I was discharged.
Hi I'm not feeling great I still feel so guilty. Although a little relieved as well. My bleeding wasn't too bad but I went to work and since then its been really heavy. I'm passing lots of clots and suffering terrible headaches. I think im going to see the doctor and ask if its possible to be signed off work. I'm in retail over Christmas which means I'm on my feet all day.
Hope others are feeling as well as you can be.
I hope you've all managed to enjoy Christmas. help, I'm so sorry you're still feeling guilty. My emotions are all over the place. I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with what I've done.
We managed to have a nice Christmas though.
Muff it sounds like you've had a nightmare time recently. Sometimes everything seems to happen at once! I hope you've enjoyed today.
I hope none of you were badly affected by the weather.
Hi gnome, had a lovely Christmas really, kids had a good time anyway. Glad your family did.
Everything did go wrong at the same time but things come in 3 so hopefully it will all work out now!!
Can I revive this, please? Judging by the symptoms, I am very likely to be pregnant. Had one accident (broken condom) with DH... and the symptoms are starting to show. I am certain about having termination. Had one many years ago, no regrets.
Anyway, is it best to walk in into NHS sexual health clinic, or make appointment with the nearest Marie Stopes? I would like to avoid fees, if possible, but if there is long wait at NHS then would possibly go private.
Just not sure where to start, who to call, or just walk in?
Any advice please?
littlecrystal you might get more help if you started a new thread, and I suggest putting it in the "antenatal results and choices" as posters with relevant expertise are more likely to see it there (rather than here in 'contraception').
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