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AIBU to ask my DH to get the snip?

(16 Posts)
katenins Mon 04-Jul-16 22:17:42

So DS 3 is now 1 and we've decided we definitely don't want anymore children. I'm currently on Cerelle (mini pill) as I'm 40 soon so too old for combined pill now. I'm not getting on with it, moody, weight gain, spotting heavily etc. etc. I've been trying to get DH to consider having the snip, but he won't even entertain the idea. He says why don't I get sterilised?
I feel that after 3 children, first a horrific birth with 3rd degree tear, 2 c-secs, years of pregnancy and breastfeeding that my body should now be left alone!
Apparently he's worried about the op hurting a bit hmm!! He has no concerns about not being able to have children if at some point in the future he may want more....
We're at complete stalemate now and it's getting to me sad

Paulat2112 Mon 04-Jul-16 22:21:00

YANBU to ask. My dh had it done dec 2014 as like you we had three kids, didn't want any more and i had had 3 c sections. So much more of a simple procedure for him to have it done, DH had his done at a clinic and drove home after it! Where as if you get sterilised it is much more of a serious thing and personally i don't see why after having three kids and sections you should need to put your body through another operation.

I'm not sure what you can do though if he flat out refuses. He is being pretty unfair though

icclemunchy Mon 04-Jul-16 22:21:30

Hormonal contraception doesn't agree with me in the slightest so I told OH it was up to him to sort or we just wouldn't have sex! That said I wanted number 2 and he didn't. We used condoms for a while (and ended up with DD2 blush at which point I was sterilised during my section)

It's perfectly reasonable for you to say you don't want to take hormonal contraception or be sterilised, but it's equally ok for him to not want the snip (although I agree with out it seems like the common sense option!) would condoms work?

blowmybarnacles Mon 04-Jul-16 22:21:56

He has no concerns about not being able to have children if at some point in the future he may want more

Who with???

He sounds very selfish. I wouldn't be having sex with this man.

Sirona Mon 04-Jul-16 22:23:29

YANBU in the slightest. Does he realise how big an op and recovery time is for a woman to get sterilised compared to a man having the snip? It sounds incredibly selfish of him op.

Fourormore Mon 04-Jul-16 22:24:32

Getting deja vu with this thread - have definitely read similar before and I didn't realise but actually something like 10% of men are left with chronic pain after a vasectomy.

YANBU to ask but YABU to expect him to agree - neither of you should demand that the other goes through surgery.

Fourormore Mon 04-Jul-16 22:25:50

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-vasectomy_pain_syndrome

Sirona Mon 04-Jul-16 22:27:08

I've never heard that fouroemore and I know quite a few men that have had it done. Every day's a school day smile

gamerchick Mon 04-Jul-16 22:27:50

Condoms? Or no sex.

I'm with you, I think the dude should do his part when the family is complete. Many people don't agree but I won't change my mind.

gamerchick Mon 04-Jul-16 22:29:02

But sometimes it's not a walk in the park for woman. Some woman suffer with Fallopian tube spasms every month which frankly look agonising.

AuntieStella Mon 04-Jul-16 22:30:24

YANBU to ask.

But YABVU to expect.

It's his body, his choice.

MargotLovedTom Mon 04-Jul-16 22:30:59

YANBU.

MargotLovedTom Mon 04-Jul-16 22:33:33

Yep, it's his choice to be selfish. Would put me right off him tbh.

DetestableHerytike Mon 04-Jul-16 22:35:29

Oh you've posted twice. I will repost here...

DetestableHerytike Mon 04-Jul-16 22:36:17

His body, his choice, but it's pretty off of him to suggest you get sterilised instead!

Condoms? Non PIV sex? A combination of those?

MargotLovedTom Mon 04-Jul-16 22:37:48

If I was definitely sure I didn't want a fourth pregnancy (as DH and I were), I would not be comfortable relying on condoms or willpower.

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