AIBU - contraception and dh

[patcast]

My GP told me that female sterilization was not covered by the NHS anymore, only vasectomy (which was a surprise).

I discussed this issue with DH and he simply went silent. I told him I wasn't expecting him to do it as he may want to start a new family when I die (I have major heart problems) or if we get a divorce. He just went silent again and told me "yeah you're right let's think about doing it privately".

AIBU to be hurt with him? I guess I won't need contraception in any near future as I can't stand to look at him right now...

[MaisieDotes]

That is hurtful

It would have been nice if he had said "don't be silly, I wouldn't want DC with anyone else." But he hasn't said that.

It sounds as though you haven't had a frank conversation about your expectations of each other and the future- maybe this needs to happen now.

On a practical level, what about the mirena coil for you?

[scaevola]

His body, his choice.

The risks of vasectomy are often underestimated - the NHS puts it at 10% for the serious complications (lasting over 3 months, some untreatable leading to long term pain). Other sources put it higher.

Female sterilisation is still available on the NHS, so I suspect you are up against a local funding decision, not absolute policy.

If you, individually or both of you as a couple, had decided that female sterilisation was the best option and you can afford it privately (Marie Stopes, just over £1500) then that is the pragmatic course.

[patcast]

thank you!

I truly agree his body his choice.

My thing was just that I was expecting him to say something like don't be silly you won't die now or something like that. I have been in cardiac arrest 4 times already and I was very surprised that he took it like a given...I don't know.

We both know I can't have any more children as my body will not be strong enough for a pregnancy and that has been discussed. We have also discussed how I would like my children to be brought up and the fact that I would like him to find a new partner and have a family with our children. This may sound morbid but when you've been to the other side a few times you do think this through. I have a major heart surgery coming up in the next months and I will be put in cardiac arrest yet again. So we have discussed things, but I was surprised by his non-reaction, I guess I was expecting him to be a bit more supportive.

[TheFuzz]

Take a road of my thread further down this part of the forum, then think again about surgery. The snip causes long term chronic pain in 1 in 10 men.

It's very painful and can't be cured and no quantity of pain killers will stop it. I've had it 3 years and tried surgery, injections into my nuts, drugs and more drugs. Even huge amounts of morphine didn't stop the pain (whilst seriously injured in an RTA).

Find some non surgical method.