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Sharing information - am I just being horrid?

(8 Posts)
coldethyl Sun 04-Nov-12 11:53:49

I'm starting to get very cross with people who appear to think they have a right to my research and no manners. I've been researching my family tree for 15 years and I've been footnoting and documenting my sources as I go. If I say it's right, I can at least prove why I think so, even if I've got erroneous reasoning in there somewhere. My sources do not just say 'Susan' and they NEVER say 'another tree on Ancestry'.

I've had to take my Ancestry tree private, because my research was turning up in a huge number of families I can demonstrate are not related at all, based purely on name similarities (not even geographical ones!).

This morning I've had an email that read:
"Dear Cold Ethyl

was <cousin-thrice-removed> mother a <surname>". (sic)

That's all. No thanks, no preamble, and nothing she couldn't have found for herself with 20 whole seconds looking on FreeBMD. Certainly no offer to share her own information with me.

I am very tempted to ignore it, or tell her to get stuffed. Am I just being unkind? It drives me up the wall.

stinkinseamonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 11:57:03

YANBU to keep it private, but don't see why it bothers you if other people are getting theirs wrong?

coldethyl Sun 04-Nov-12 12:02:18

Because it devalues my research. How does a third person, looking a both trees, know that mine is right and person #2's is wrong? Or perhaps I am just a rotten old curmudgeon.

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 12:11:36

Daft question, but does it matter if other people don't know which is right?

If you're researching your family tree, then surely as long as you know it's right, that's what matters?

Or are you doing something else with it as well? Something public?

I suppose you could just email them "that information is available from <insert place, freeBMD, for example>, best of luck with your research!

Bit friendly yet still saying do your own research grin

stinkinseamonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 12:11:54

how does it devalue your research? genuine question. You are sure that what you have found out about your family is accurate, who else cares? who are these people who need to know that yours is right and theirs is wrong?

you should be happy because you know what you know
tree no2 owner is happy because they think they've found stuff out
who are all the spectators?

MusicalEndorphins Sat 16-Mar-13 06:36:46

I have my tree private also. I only share with DNA matches at this point, unless I am sure the person is a relative.
I have a very common last name. Someone said to me the dead people don't care if you post it on line, but I care. I am not sure why.

Betty3boys Sat 07-Sep-13 16:32:39

Hello, I completely understand where you're coming from! I have also been researching thoroughly for 9 years, following on my grandmothers 30+ years of research and have spent many many hours, lots of traveling and money too to back up all my research, I have also made my tree private as I put notes on it about the people and don't wish to share this with the general public. When I get enquiries from polite people who seem genuinely interested and with a real connection, I am always happy to share info and exchange photos etc via email. I often ask others for help or info but am always polite and give explanations etc and share back. However the one lined messages like the one you mention I simply ignore!

sapfu Sat 07-Sep-13 16:54:16

I think your options are:

1. Dear person,

you will find the answer to your question here.

2. Dear person,

3. Dear person,


Lots of love, ColdEthyl.

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