Double barrelled surnames

(47 Posts)
nappyaddict Wed 25-Apr-12 22:07:33

It's becoming a,bit of a deal bteaker between dp and I. I see it as joining 2 names and 2 families together which is what marriage is all about. Dp sees it as inventing a new surname, not carrying his nane on, breaking tradition and ruining history because if you look up other people with the same combined surname as us, we won't be related.

What are other peopke's opinions?

nappyaddict Tue 04-Sep-12 09:08:21

I have an update.

Dp has compromised and said he doesn't mind if ds and I double barrel but he wants to keep his name and he wants any future children we have together to have his name.

Is that progress? I can't decide.

AllPastYears Thu 26-Apr-12 20:25:20

Being double-barrelled is great for school labels. Our kids are the only ones with their surname, so we just had a surname and didn't need to swap the labels over as the kids grew and passed clothes down to each other. smile

nappyaddict Thu 26-Apr-12 17:42:55

overmydeadbody How did it become to be double-barrelled? Over generations have the wives always dropped their maiden name and taken on the double-barrelled one or have any combined their maiden name with part of the double-barrelled name iyswim?

nappyaddict Thu 26-Apr-12 17:40:47

Yes I want a combined name. Sorry I thought you were saying that if I kept my maiden name, any future children would automatically get my name and I was confused cos it doesn't work like that does it - the parents decide.

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 17:27:10

By family name I mean joining your names together like you said you wanted, instead of just taking his.

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 17:25:59

'Why would future children automatically get my surname?'

well, why would they get his? Isn't that your point, that he doesn't want a family name, just his??

DS is double barreled. I'm Miss A, X-DP id Mr B C (spanish way) and DS is Master B-A. (non spanish was as not married). Incidentally his step-mum is Mrs B C so he shares some of his name with her.

It matters not a jot. His name ties him to both me and his father.

Well my surname became double barrelled in the 1600s, and it hasn't stopped us tracing back family before it became double barelled, family history can still be recorded. Especially in today's age of record keeping.

Silly argument really, the history one. We even know how our name came to be double barrelled, and it wasn't because of two surnames coming together as one!

nappyaddict Thu 26-Apr-12 16:59:25

"Tell him any future children (if that's in your plans) would therefore be having your name and see what he thinks of that!"

Why would future children automatically get my surname?

welliesandpyjamas Why did you and DP double barrel but not the DC? Are DC known by your maiden name and married name or just your married name?

PiousPrat Thu 26-Apr-12 14:26:49

We double barrelled DS3s name. DS1&2 have XP's surname. It worked out best for us this way. Both DP and I have normal sounding names that aren't actually that common and we are both end of the line for our families wrt passing the name on. My dad died after DS2 was born and FIL died 2 weeks before we found out I was pregnant with DS3, so it was also a way of keeping them with us in the surnames.

The idea was that DP and I would change our names by deed poll as well so we share a family surname, but DS3 is 8 months now and we kind of haven't got around to it yet.

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 12:50:30

grin at 'sounds like wanker' by the way! Luckily ours go well together but it does mean I come up very easily in Google as there is only one other family I can see on the internet with our name (on the other side of the world) and I'm the only one on facebook so easily found!

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 12:47:58

I had thought that with regards to school labels, but glad it isn'yt too much of an issue!

OP I hope you manage to come to get this sorted. Would you keep your own name if he refuses to budge? Tell him any future children (if that's in your plans) would therefore be having your name and see what he thinks of that!

diamondsonthesolesofhershoes Thu 26-Apr-12 12:00:18

I am determined to pass my name onto our future (please!) children , but mine and Dp's names double barrelled sounds much like 'Wanker' one way and extremely odd the other...

So I've resigned myself to the fact that any children will have my much-loved surname as a second middle name.

Ephiny Thu 26-Apr-12 11:49:42

His argument makes no sense. There are lots of people who have the same surname without being related to each other, regardless of whether they're double-barrelled or not. Surnames don't usually have a unique origin.

Personally I think it's simplest to both just keep your own names, that's what we're planning to do anyway. As for children, DP is happy for them to have mine if I want, though I don't really have strong feelings about it either way. I guess we'll decide nearer the time!

welliesandpyjamas Thu 26-Apr-12 11:45:54

I double barrelled when we got married (maiden name-married name) because I felt my maiden name was very much a part of me, and felt it honoured my grandfather, who had died the year before. My dc have my maiden name as a middle name, to make sure they know where they come from, iykwim. It's not too much of a mouthful because both names are single syllable, but sometimes I do find it easier to use just one or the other, especially over the phone, to avoid spelling the whole lot out (both need spelling).

As an aside, because the thread made me think of it - I know of a German-Bosnian couple, living in Germany, who decided to give their daughter the mother's German surname only because they felt that the dad's very foreign sounding name sould hold her back in life. What a sad reason for the choice, eh?

CMOTDibbler Thu 26-Apr-12 11:41:32

We each kept our own names, and double barrelled for ds. DH says that he didn't want to change his name, would never ask me to, and anybody doing family history can just try a bit harder grin. And ds and anyone he enters into a partnership with can decide for themselves

DS(5) loves that he has a name from each of us, just as he's made from each of us

whitewhitewine - no issues with school, other than the names are quite long (13 letters plus the hyphen in the surname). Occasionally the second part gets chopped off on lists, but everyone knows what the actual name is, and that's what gets used.

Only school problem I can think of is that name tapes don't have enough letters for the full name, but as all the DDs have unusual first names (I'm potentially outing myself here wink) I just used their first names. Some of DDs things still have DD1s name in them wink - thankfully school secretaries are great at handing lost property over to whichever DD it fits.

Sometimes I have a problem when people aren't sure which initial to file notes under (my optician had a receptionist who put me under Y rather than X) and I've found the Argos tills can't cope with hyphens. Generally though it's not been a problem, just a lot of spelling out to do.

nappyaddict Thu 26-Apr-12 09:54:44

"I know two families where the wife has double barrelled her surname with her husbands, but he has kept his own surname only, and the children just have his surname (not sure if they have hers as middle name in either case), it's a bit best of both worlds for the woman, keeps her own name as well as being linked to DH and DCs, would that work for you?"

I have told DP if he really must he can keep his own surname but I would like our DCs to be double barrelled. If I must go through 9 months of pregnancy, give birth to them and then share bringing them up with DP why can't they share our names?

I would prefer us to all have the same name though.

Collaborate Would you have agreed for your DC to have a double barrelled name. So they would be carrying on both your names? Or would you see that as diluting your name?

I'd like to get a man's perspective cos I just cannot get my head around DP's way of thinking. He just doesn't see it like I do. I see it as 2 names being combined, sitting next to eachother nicely. He sees it as his name or my name with extra letters either before or after it, making it a completely different name. I said it's not just random, meaningless extra letters before or after it though, is it? It's a whole name, one of our names!!

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 08:59:48

IShallWearMidnight, may I ask if it becomes a problem at school? (If your daughters are old enough) do teachers use the full name, has it caused any problems etc? (I struggle to fit my full name on some forms and our surname is only 3 syllables)

Jux Thu 26-Apr-12 08:54:59

Allpastyears, and everyone else! You are right. I am foolish and apologise. I shouldn't post without thinking!

also, there was no official form filling in needed - we simply wrote to everyone and said "from x date, I wish to be known as Mr/Mrs X-Y". Passport agaency wanted to see the marriage certificate for my passport, but not for DHs oddly confused. This was back in the early 90s though, so I suspect there's more officialdom now.

whitewhitewine - you're not the only one - we doubled-barrelled on marriage (we're hisname-myname) and the DDs have that too. When/if they marry they can do whatever they like.

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 08:51:12

AllPastYears, I am honestly so confused when my friends who aren't married have a child and give them their father's name. Why not the mother's?! Also, my friend has recently got married to a man with a rather unfortunate surname who admits she will get a certain amount of ribbing for it as he does. Why not just keep her lovely surname?

whitewhitewine Thu 26-Apr-12 08:46:06

We both double-barrelled on marriage- DH wanted to have the same surname as me and our future children (we have 2 now) and I felt uncomfortable giving up my name, as did he, so we simply joined them together. Has been met with a lot of hmm faces from people as I do not know one single other woman who has done this or just kept her own name.

I do hate having a double-barrelled name in terms of form filling and people getting confused (!) etc but to me, it's so important in terms of equality. But I do realise I seem to be in the minority there!

AllPastYears Thu 26-Apr-12 08:33:14

What matters is equality Jux. For many people, including me, your name is part of your identity. I didn't want to change my name to my husband's (why on earth should only I make a change on marriage, not him as well) and I don't like the model where the wife keeps her own name but the kids get their dad's name (unequal again).

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