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Mum: 'You'll think an elephant's kicked you one day' (still waiting)

Dad: 'You can't be pretty AND clever' (thanks, Dad)

"I want never gets"

"You'd laugh to see a pudding crawl

"Red shoes, no knickers

"Didn't know whether to sh*t shave or haircut

"Too clever for your own good

"Want some bread with that butter?

'dress to impress but be prepared to go down with the ship'
'if you can pinch a inch lose it' both my wonderful nan, she's the voice in my head

"You smell like a whore's handbag". My Mum

"At least they are clean and paid for.."

Toodle-loo!

Oh and when asked "Is that for me?", the answer was ALWAYS - "No it's for Catriona McGuire"

'Birds in their little nests agree' whenever me and sis were fighting. oooh, still annoying!

'Who's she? The cats daughter?"

Beggars can't be choosers
You have to break them to eat them - about biscuits
Sunny jim - usually when cursing others driving
He's a bit light on his loafers - anyone they thought was gay, however they and their friends very tolerant , much more than people now I think, natuarally t

Oops! Tolerant ..

Love many.......trust few

Mother - 'If you can't fight, wear a big hat.'
Father - ' No-one can make a million £ without being dishonest.'
Father - 'Stop your giggling, you'll be crying in a minute.'

"It'll be better before you're married" (grandad). Not massively comforting when you're 7 and have fallen over!

A clean car is a happy car (or insert whatever needed cleaning, e.g. Hair, teeth, clothes, room)

"look at the boat on that" (whenever one of us had a grumpy face)
"up there for thinking, down there for dancing, common sense will prevail"
"she's at the chip shop" (whenever we asked where mum had gone - one time he said this on an aeroplane)

He's a bit light on his loafers

What a lovely image . And not at all offensive. At least, I don't think it is.

You're like one o'clock half struck.

Let the dog see the rabbit.

You get what you're given. ( usually paired with I want never gets).

Hold your horses.

Mil/fil - up here for thinking, down there for dancing (wtf?)
Cough up chicken.

The atter 2 are from my weird Kent in laws. The 1st 4 from my learly saner nrth east family.

Just read spare time also got the up here for thinking one. You from kent?

Oyrs always used to say who's she the cat's mther ( nt daughter) it was really annoying, constanty getting told off for saying she. Why??

One my mum used to mutter when driving, which i do now is 'Gan canny, bonny lad' I've lost much of may accent, but there it pops back out, oh and frequently yelling the kids to pull their finger out/ howay man, depending....

mum: i'll give you something to cry about

gran: cough it up it might be a piano

"Every time you cry a little fairy dies"

So?

Ernest no, West London, but dad is Irish.
I just remembered one from my grandad though:
"laugh and the world laughs with you, cry, and you cry alone"

You're pots fer rags you are!

Hay's what horses eat.

This and better may do, this and worse'll never!

"look after the pennies, the pounds'll look after themselves"