Dd stopped from being in end of school show due to hsving to leave rehearsals slightly early

(45 Posts)
Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 08:00:19

Hi all I posted before about dd and her end of school show.
She has a very small part no lines on stage in the first scene then no more.
Dd does dancing which she loves and is good at. Her classes are on Tuesday and Wednesday.
The school show is a big occasion and the main marker for the leavers. They anticipate it all yr and look forward to it.
The school pride themselves on all the chikdren being involved.
So the rehearsals have been set for tues and wed 3-5
I asked if I could collect her fifteen mins early so she could go to dancing as she has exams and a big show coming up.
The school have been totally unmoving and said if she can't do the entire two hrs she can't be in the show shock
I am leaving work early to pick her up and race her across to her class while she eats. She is always late.
This is for the one rehearsal she has done so far during which she sat down and watched other people rehearse.
I pay a lot for her lessons but it is entirely her choice not to want to miss dancing.
The show will run for a whole week they all get a t shirt and its very much the "leavers celebration"
I think the school are being petty and cruel in excluding her from the show for the sake of fifteen minutes.
I can't imagine for such a small part fifteenths will make this much difference

ZZZenagain Tue 30-Apr-13 08:02:08

I agree with you. Odd.

sweetiepie1979 Tue 30-Apr-13 08:04:15

So speak to the school, there might be more to it than you realise. If not then tes they are been unreasonable. Ask if they have a rehearsal schedule and can you see it they should have one. Then if they are not using your daughter she shouldn't be at rehearsal you realise toward performance all cast should be there but mat this rehearsal time if she's. It been used she shouldn't be there. Speak to head of drama/headmaster etc good luck

LIZS Tue 30-Apr-13 08:05:25

Agree with you. Would they notice if she wasn't there ?

I posted on your last thread. As you may remember, we disagreed grin. However, in this case I think the school are being petty and using the play to make a point.

Caitycat Tue 30-Apr-13 08:08:18

Totally ridiculous, I can see why they might have had problems with her in a main part but definitely not the way you've described it. Could you write to the head copied to chair of governors pointing out that if the main leavers event is after school then there needs to be some accommodation for pre-existing commitments?

LIZS Tue 30-Apr-13 08:10:59

and if they are immoveable it is an early , if harsh, lesson for your dd to learn in making choices and commitment. What would she prefer to do ? You can't do everything and what will happen when she ahs a longer school day at her next school.

But yes, ultimately, if they don't move on it, I agree with LIZS it'll be a hard lesson for your DD in choices and consequences.

15 minutes from every rehearsal is quite a lot of time and will disrupt the whole group as you appear and dd gets her stuff and leaves. Rehearsals need to be carefully structured and if people dip in and out it's impossible. Plenty of your dd's classmates will also have after school commitments. What if they all want to leave 15 minutes early? You'll quickly end up with less actual rehearsal time. The school are making a statement about the commitment needed. If your dd isn't committed she can't be in the show.

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 08:35:30

Pretty much what you've said northern is what the head has said so I guess I've got no case but I think they fail to see how difficult it is for dd to simply not go to dancing (dance teachers are quite scary) from my point of view it's like just chucking a hundred quid out of the window.
She dances in a group competition so would be letting the other kids down there too.
As the show is such a big event I think the school could reach a small compromise.
It will mean that her last few weeks if school will be simply sitting around while the other 90 kids prepare for and put on a show.
Seems a bit inflexible to me.

KirstyJC Tue 30-Apr-13 08:42:33

I think they are being really harsh - this isn't something in school time, it is after school has finished. Not every child will be able to stay on at school for an additional 2 hours twice a week and it seems completely over the top to punish her for not being able to stay after school.

Have you spoken to the school governors? Is this a school policy ie has it ever happened before, either that a child missed the play because they couldn't rehearse, or that they were allowed to be in it despite not rehearsing? If a precedent has been set it might be harder to change or challenge it.

Seems like they are punishing her for having to do something after school. I wonder if people would accept having to stay on at work, for free, for 2 hours twice a week in order to do something which work wanted them to do? I know I wouldn't.

Does the school do this EVERY year? As in, you knew last year/in Sept/whenever that there would be a school production and that it would involve 2 days after school?

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 09:00:53

If she couldn't rehearse at all then I could understand it. But fifteen minutes. She's been in loads of shows so she has experience too.
I really can't be bothered to argue. I might take her away that week for a little holiday. grin

But Ledkr, she hasn't been in that show.

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 09:03:54

Yes freddy I did know they did it but wasn't aware that it would be twice a week after school and both days on the only days she dances.
What difference it would make tho I don't know.
She can't dip in and out of dancing at the level she's at as its not fair on the other kids.

If it's not fair for dancing, it's not really fair for the school show either though is it? I can see the school's point, I think they're making a petty example of your DD but I can see their point.

Especially if you come across with the attitude that she's been in loads of shows so she knows what she's doing. That would probably get up their nose a bit tbh

Startail Tue 30-Apr-13 09:14:09

Is this a private school?

I cannot imagine our state school expecting 100% attendance 3-5pm, Everyone does things.

Maryz Tue 30-Apr-13 09:16:38

Can't she be 15 minutes late to dancing on one day? Surely the first 15 minutes is stretches and warm-ups, which she wouldn't need to do if she did them while hanging around at the rehearsal.

I think the end of school show is a big deal, and if the head is being an arse you may have to give in.

How many rehearsals are we talking about?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 30-Apr-13 09:17:31

Is there a compromise eg a non speaking part, helping with the lighting so she'd only need to be at the later rehearsals etc?

seeker Tue 30-Apr-13 09:21:10

Presumably it's only for a couple of weeks? I would take her to dancing 15 minutes late.

Sorted.

I think, without wanting to bring another thread into it, that the head is making a point.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 30-Apr-13 09:23:11

I agree the school are bring OTT

DD is currently rehearsing for her leavers show but rehearsals are all in school time. 15 mins atvthevend if a 2 hour rehearsal us nothing fir a choir/chorus part (I've run enough shows to know its possible.)

For what it's worth my dd would choos her regular dancing too. Apart from the actual show night she won't be missing any classes for school events and has missed school concerts in the past because she had to dance instead

It's incredibly petty.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 30-Apr-13 09:24:47

If the OP s dd is preparing for exams then the 1st 15 mins are important even if its just warm ups as they have to perform the warm ups in the exam

Also my dd is expected to do most of her warm ups now before class starts.

DeWe Tue 30-Apr-13 10:27:17

Personally I think the school is being silly, and a bit mean. And if it's a leavers thing then most of the rehearsals should be in school time. With dd1's leavers' play they waited until after SATS and then spent a fortnight solidly rehearsing in school time. The only out of school time was the sctual performances.

However I have in the past been annoyed when one of my dc has been in the position where they've been told "if they can't attend all of XXX" they can't do it." and I've sorted out them or other children to be late/not go to a usual commitment, or someone else to take their sibling-to find that at the actual thing A only came for half, B will always leave 20 minuted early and C says his mum says he can only come on Thurdays... if you see what I mean.
Me having asked politely if it's possible to leave early and been told no, but others with pushier parents just tell rather than ask, and get away with it.

So if they have told the children they must be at all and every rehearsal, I have a certain respect for them holding them to it.

Katnisscupcake Tue 30-Apr-13 10:27:26

I agree that the school are definitely being OTT. But it sounds like they're not going to budge.

Ask your DD what she would prefer to do (and hope she chooses the dancing otherwise financially it'll be a nightmare if she chooses the school show) and make sure she understands the consequences of each option.

Dancing is a long-term commitment and something that won't finish when her time at her current school does. So absolutely she won't want to be letting down the other dancers.

It sounds like she isn't a crucial part of the show at school, if I was her I would opt for the dancing. Also agree that it's bizarre to expect 100% attendence for 2 days a week after school from 3-5pm because there must be others who do pre-paid after school activities.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Tue 30-Apr-13 10:38:22

I remember your previous thread and agreed with you. My dd does dancing too and the lessons are quite £ and prepaid. I wouldn't be happy to waste that.

I think the school are being ridiculous. It's a year 6 end of year show (so a bit of perspective wouldn't go amiss) and as you say your dd has a minimal part anyway. They need to realise that they cannot go about dictating your out of hours school life to such a large extent.

Why cant they sort out the show during school time like many others manange to do?

Maybe they could reimburse you for the missed dancing lessonswink.

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 10:53:00

No it's a state school but they do think they are a bit posh itlyswim grin
Freddy you seem determined to make me out to be some kind of push parent. I gave not once said Anything to the school about her being in lots of shows. In fact she turned down the chance to audition for a main part because we knew it would be too much.
Her classes just happen to be at the same time as the rehearsals if it were any other day then it would be no problem.
You didn't answer my question about whether you have dc with commitments outside of school which are expensive and part of a team?
I can only imagine you don't.
I really do appreciate all your comments though.
I will ask dd again tonight and make a decision from there.
Shame though really.
I do evening hobbies and would never be forced to work outside my hours and give them up.

ledkr I'm sorry if I've offended you - I really do agree with you on this one and think the school should let her be in the play, especially if she only has a non-speaking part.

I think you're flogging a dead horse though and they're making a point. Which they shouldn't do and is a shame for your DD.

I have DC's which have many and varied commitments outside of school in which they are part of a team.

Sometimes, that means they can't do everything and have to choose.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 30-Apr-13 11:00:25

You know OP she has so little time left and if the leavers play us such a big deal at school (which I know it will be) in your position is seriously consider pulling her out altogether and home edding her until she gues off to secondary

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 11:03:02

Thanks Freddie grin I think you hit a nerve because I'm desperate not to come across like that as I hate "those mums"
I do think this is what the school think though which is a shame.
I also think they are merely sticking to their guns and being slightly unreasonable.

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 11:03:34

It has crossed my mind pictures

cathyandclaire Tue 30-Apr-13 11:04:20

I totally agree the school are being difficult and unreasonable but sadly the only one who'll miss out is your dd.
How many weeks would she miss 15 mins of dance for? Could you say to the school that you'll be outside waiting 15 mins early and if they find she's not doing anything and they can spare her they could send her out early? Could she limber/ warm up at the rehearsal so that she's ready to join in when she gets to dance?
I have older dds who dance and annoyingly they are FOREVER having to choose between school/dance/sports commitments, we just go with their instincts, things they just can't miss and try not to think too hard about the money chucked away!

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 30-Apr-13 11:07:20

Luckily for my dd it wouldn't work at her school. They'd have no one fircthecschool play as dance is 4.15-7.15 and there are several from school who dance.

What would they do if there was a child with a chronic long term illness who was off school a lot and missed rehearsals because of that?

ChewingOnLifesGristle Tue 30-Apr-13 11:09:58

It's not as though the show is a production by an out of school time drama club.

It's a year 6 show. Year 6 are at school together during the school day, therefore the show should be a production based on that.

This is forcing a year 6 activity to become an out of school drama club. Join it or you can't be in the play?hmm It should be done during school time.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 30-Apr-13 11:11:47

Totally agree. At dd's school they have been rehearsing one double period a week since just before Easter. Plenty of time.

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 11:18:43

It's funny but the year 6 are going on a residential a week before half term and a week after.
They will all be missing rehearsals.
Dd isn't going due to a medical issue.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Tue 30-Apr-13 12:04:33

I would be wondering aloud to the teacher what Ofsted would be making of all this non inclusive attitude...(knowing how twitchy schools get about presenting a good impression to ofstedwink)

Ledkr Tue 30-Apr-13 13:30:42

Chewing yes I think no matter happens I am going to inform ofsted.

I think it is unreasonable of the school, but also badly organised.

There is no way they need 90 kids for 2 hours each time. Someone just hasn't bothered to plan a rehearsal schedule.

My ds1 & 2 are in their secondary school play. They have a complicated timetable of which scenes are being done when. Ds1 has a big part and has to attend most of them. Ds2 is in crowd scenes, so only attends some rehearsals. Why would he want or need to watch hours of the speaking parts perfecting their lines? Some rehearsals have only 5 people going, some whole cast.

Sparklymommy Wed 01-May-13 08:59:01

This is a difficult one and a subject that came up with my own DD just before Christmas. My Dd is in Yr5 and in December the whole school put on a big Christmas show. In September my DD successfully auditioned for our local professional pantomime and that meant being licensed and missing approximately 4/5 afternoons of school. Of course that meant missing both performances of the play (one in the school day, on in the evening which happened to be dds opening night in panto!). We spoke to the headmistress at the beginning of term and obviously dd couldn't miss out on the oppurtunity to be in panto and so it was decided that she wouldn't be in the play. She was upset by this, but when it actually came to it she was very grown up and spent time whilst the rest of the school were rehearsing making props/scenery and helping the others with their lines. The headmistress was very impressed with her professional attitude and she never moaned (at school!) once. When it came to the church carol service she was given extra to do as a consolation and she was more than happy with that!

It's about prioritising. My dd dances every night and has singing lessons that are the most important thing to her. Everything else goes by the wayside. That's her choice. She is still top of the class for maths and science and above average for English so I am happy to let her put her dancing and performing first. I do however see your point about the 15 minutes out of rehearsals not making a huge difference to your dd. however could she not be 15 minutes late for dance? How long are the lessons? It's only for a few weeks really. Is it worth tainting the end of her primary school education with this row? Hope it gets sorted!

lljkk Wed 01-May-13 09:06:05

sad to hear you're still dealing with this, Ledkr.

Ledkr Wed 01-May-13 13:03:02

Just been to toddlers with one of the teachers from the school. She was in hysterics at my story as it seems its a bit of a staff joke that the school take the show so seriously.
After all the fuss it would seem she is now not needed until after half term so I think we might have to just suck it up and be late for dancing so she can sit and do nothing probably.
Utterly ridiculous but I don't feel she should be the only one to miss it. Up to her though ill ask her later.

Schmedz Sat 11-May-13 18:15:09

I can understand the school not wanting children to miss rehearsals or parts there-of, but in that case they should schedule them when the children are definitely able to be present...i.e during the school day! Very unreasonable of them to expect such a big out of hours commitment on a regular basis for something which is obviously well embedded in the life of the school. It need not be a problem for her to slip out quietly 15 mins before the end and then ask her friends if there are any messages or info given out after she left that she needs to know.
Can't believe how unreasonable the Head is being about this (and I am currently in the process of working with my own Year 6 students for their leavers show, so I think I know the difference between genuine problems with attendance and your DDs situation!)

RedHelenB Mon 13-May-13 14:10:20

It's for a short period of time that she will be 15 mins late for her dance lessons. Any dance teacher worth their salt would be fine with this as kids do have school activities to attend as well.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now