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grade 2 piano - bad teacher - who is also good friend - advice please

6 replies

2stixoftwix · 26/11/2014 22:33

Hi advice needed please
My daughter will be sitting her grade 2 piano in march 2015. She took her grade 1 in march this year and got a merit.
Her friend who is also learning the piano but with a different teacher, took her grade 1 at the same time, but is taking her grade 2 next week.

When my daughter started lessons it was purely for fun. Exams wearn't even thought about, but I soon realised that it gave focus and something to work towards.

I don't play any instrument, I never had the opportunity , however I do have a basic understanding.
Over the last few weeks many things have come up that have made me question the teaching of my daughter. Mainly important things like fingering not being correct, scales only being taught with single hands when both should be used and the biggest bugbear being told to practice a christmas carol when she still hasn't got even 1 exam song perfected.
After her grade 1 piece instead of playing more grade 1 pieces she went back being taught simple 5 finger tunes.
So her friend has managed to learn 3 complete tunes + everything else in 8 months mine hasn't even done scales or a full tune yet in the same time frame.
My daughter admits she is bored with the piano, she's not motivated and I don't blame her

Now the problem is that my daughter's teacher is also my best friend. I know I need to find a new teacher and I'm telling myself that it is a business arrangement as I'm paying her. My daughter is her only student so she will be sad to loose her.

I don't want to loose the friendship, however I don't want her as a teacher anymore.

Do I tell her now and find another teacher and maybe forgo the grade 2 in march. ?
Do I stick with her until march and give my daughter the extra help and then find another teacher ?

What would you do, and how do I go about telling her. I don't want to upset her

Advice please !

OP posts:
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Ishouldbeweaving · 27/11/2014 10:08

Does your friend have any experience teaching piano - it sounds a bit odd her only having the one pupil? That sounds really harsh but I can't find a nicer way to say it without dancing around so much that I lose the point. Leaving the comparison with DD's friend out of it, you've lost the trust that you need with a teacher and your daughter is bored, the sooner you end this the better.

If it were me I'd lie through my teeth to keep the friendship. With Christmas approaching it's a good time for excuses - too much on, lack of time for practice, lack of motivation, wasting our time and yours etc. I'd stop lessons now, forget the G2 in March and use the next month or so to let your DS enjoy herself with a book of carols or whatever she wants to play, something to bring back the fun. It may be that she's done with piano and a new teacher won't necessarily fix that. There are other instruments out there, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

If you find she still does want to play I'd leave it a month or two and then find yourself another teacher. If your friend asks you can tell her the sweetened truth (it's a fresh start with someone with a different teaching style to see if DD is any more motivated).

(mum to a musician but not a pianist)

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Worriedandlost · 27/11/2014 21:47

Can you make up a story like, say, your dd's school offered music lessons and all dd's friends want to go there and so does dd? Just make up something impersonal and relate it to the idea that children are affected by their peers at this age and your dd does not want to be odd one out :)
Do you pay your friend at all?
Always possible to say that you find cheaper lessons...

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Worriedandlost · 27/11/2014 21:48

found :)

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taxi4ballet · 28/11/2014 09:39

Hi, how old is your dd, and does she practice at home (and does she actually want to)?

I go along with the other poster, who said that perhaps it could be down to a lack of teaching experience. My dh is a musician and has been teaching for quite a few years - he says that a number of his friends decide that because they can play, they can earn some money by teaching their neighbour/friend's child. They soon find out how hard it is!

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Ferguson · 02/01/2015 17:51

I taught 'informal' music to primary age children, keyboard, recorder and percussion. But I was an amateur drummer, and could introduce children to a 'taste' of learning an instrument, but in no way did I have the knowledge or experience to teach towards Grades.

It sounds as if your friend may be in a similar position. Children don't HAVE to do Grades, but if they are taking them it is ESSENTIAL the teacher is really on top of all the requirements necessary.

And it isn't only about the notes and timing, though they do come first. Style, feeling for the mood of a piece, awareness of dynamics and phrasing, and making a piece 'sing' are all things a competent teacher will insist are achieved by an able pupil.

Even at the lower Grades everything should be as perfect as possible, and obviously in the higher Grades pieces become more advanced and difficult, and the quest for perfection becomes more important.

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Guyropes · 28/01/2015 22:38

I don't see anything wrong with learning a carol instead of exam pieces... This way your daughter will have a breadth of music she can play, not just racing up the grades like her friend. You started out not interested in grades... Has the teacher caught up with you that now you want to see swift progress through them? However the boredom is a real problem. I would be honest and tell her that she is bored, and give the teacher an opportunity to rethink her strategy and maybe challenge your dd a little more before sacking her.

If you agreed to have your friend teach your dd, you owe her a little honesty.

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